Jaded15 Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 I think we all can agree that different people heal at different timelines when it comes to being dumped by a former lover. So much of that has to do with your very own mental makeup, the reason for the breakup, length of your relationship, how deep in love you were, whether or not you applied NC, your support group, your age along with your ability to attract others, etc, etc... For me, personally, it has taken a long time to reach this stage. NC has been the most critical aspect in my healing process. If I had not applied it, I would definitely prolonged my healing process.... I have accepted the fact that my breakup has been permanently over for a long time now. I think, sometimes, we fool ourselves into thinking we have accepted the finality of being broken up for good, but deep down inside, we still carry on false hope where reconciliation still exists; For example, many months ago, I lived with the lie that I was over my ex, but I always kept playing scenario's of what-if's in my sick head and held hope she would contact me on my birthday and how things may get rolling once again. When my bday finally came and went without hearing a single word from her, it crushed me, but it was one of the last strings and in reality, was the best thing for me because it killed that false hope. I can truthfully say, I am at peace with it and carry no hope, nor do I want it..... But the problem lies with the fact that it's been so many months since I've reached this stage and due to a lack of prospects, I now find myself comparing how I feel (being single) versus how I felt before (being in a long-term loving relationship). Generally speaking, I really miss having another companion more than anything in my life. It's sort of hard to explain. When I got dumped, I never, ever thought I would get over my ex. I could not even grasp the idea of not loving her anymore. I could not grasp the idea of living any type of life without her, but I eventually did. However, I now miss with the idea of being in love, more than my former love, herself. It's not to say that I'm miserable being single, because I'm not, but I can't truly be happy. At most, being content is the best I can be. This is something that's taken some time for me to evaluate and figure out, but it was hieghtened over the course of the holidays and made me admit things. It is also true that time heals all wounds, and even if my ex were to ever come back, so much time has gone bye, that I no longer have any feelings for her anymore. So, I guess my question is, when you do finally reach a stage of no longer caring about your ex, no longer thinking of them, but because you've been single for awhile now, you sort of slip from time to time and compare yourself. How do you cope with comparing yourself to what is versus what could be? Some of this is def attributed to the fact that most of my friends and relatives are all either married, engaged or in relationships and I feel left out. I don't know, maybe tonight is just one of those nights for me. I usually don't post very often, but being off from work for a week + Having the Holidays + Cold Weather + Me being sick, all contributed to a perfect storm for me to write my thoughts on tonight.
basil67 Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 The next step is moving on. It's about being ready to date again and find another special someone to share your life with. 1
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