wendieann Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 On Dec 31 I had a big fight with my b/f. Afterwards he barely spoke to me, and definately didn't even touch me. On Jan. 1, 2016, I said to him if he was going to ignore me all weekend he might as well go back to work. He said, ok. Of course that pissed me off. I then said, why didn't you come up and hold me, or touch me let alone talk to me for over a day? He said, why should I? I am giving you space. I told him before, after a fight, I really need the reassurance we will be okay. I did say I was unhappy. Of course I was! He ignored me! He didn't give me any affection at all. I said, if your that unhappy then leave. When I got home later. He did. He left. The guilt now over the things I had said. The things I shouldn't of said. Why I didn't go up and hug him. As he needed that too. Esp. since the fight was over his family. I feel sick to my stomach. I blew it. I am trying to remind myself HE LEFT. Willingly. He didn't try to work it out no matter what. I did text him the evening of the 1st and said, I love you and I am sorry, etc. The guilt is eating me.
Kevin_D Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Looking back at my relationship with my ex, I realise that many of the fights that I started, was a result of her making me feel insignificant. Tiny things such as playing with her phone and saying "I'm sorry, what did you say?" when I tried to tell her something important. Laughing to other guys jokes all the time but never to mine. Asking me for advice and then doing the opposite. I'm sure most of the people who didn't know us thought that I was the one who was immature. That I was picking fights and that she did the right thing to leave me. It took me over a year to put the pieces together and realise that she gaslighted me. Switching between ignoring me and playing the victim. This was a conversation we were having right after the breakup: Me: "I love you so much. I've loved you since the first day I met you 7 years ago." Her: *Shaking her head* "I don't feel the same way anymore. At all." Me: "In that case, I've got nothing more to say. I'll be heading home now." Her: "Wait! Come with me. You can sleep at my place." Me: "I don't think that's a very good idea. You just old me that your feelings are gone." Her: "Is it so strange that I don't love someone who won't even come to my place?" Naturally, I thought a lot about that comment. "What if I had spent the night with her. Maybe that's what we needed. Maybe she would have remembered how much she cared for me." But we know it's a lie. She said those things to convince herself that she tried to make things work, but in reality, she was gone long before we had that discussion. And I'd say that you could sense that your boyfriend was becoming more distant. I think he would have left anyway. I'm sorry. 3
anonymousbear00101100 Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Looking back at my relationship with my ex, I realise that many of the fights that I started, was a result of her making me feel insignificant. If there is any quote that perfectly sums up how I've felt post break up, this is it.
DrMario Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 I wouldn't let this eat away at you, I know how you feel, we all say things that we do not mean when moments in our relationship's become heated, it doesn't mean we are bad people and if the relationship is a cherished one, then it shouldn't be enough to make somebody leave. I am very conscious now of what I say to people, out of fear that they may leave, it wasn't an ex who taught me this lesson though, it was my sister, we had a few arguments and I stupidly told her "I can't deal with you being in my life anymore" or something along those lines and sadly, she hasn't spoken to me since which is actually more painful to me than the ex who left me. So though I believe we all say silly things, I believe there comes a time when you need to recognise that and make a conscious effort to not say the opposite of what you feel and what you mean, even if your man or woman or whoever it is that you are close to are driving you crazy. Seriously though, don't beat yourself up, chances are he knew what you meant and is probably using this time away from you to vent.
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