Jqc Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 (edited) I am a girl and my and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years now. We both dress pretty feminine and have long hair. We are both still in college, so we like to go out either to bars or parties on the weekends. I know she always has a lot more fun when she goes out with her other friends than when she goes out with me because she and her other friends will dance and stuff like that. I unfortunately, can't dance the way a lot of girls do in the club (my body just can't move like that) and people know me as the "funny person" so I usually just do stupid dance moves and pretty much whatever I want to do that goes along with the music because that's fun for me. I feel really insecure and awkward whenever me and my girlfriend go out because my freshman year, she had said that she wish she would be able to go and dance "normally" more often because I always dance like its a "joke". Then, I saw her texting her friend and she had said that she didn't want to go to a frat with me because it was awkward and when I told her I saw that, she tried to explain that she didn't mean it the way that I thought. My girlfriend is a really nice girl and would never purposefully hurt me and I know she probably didn't mean it the way I thought (I think she thought it was awkward because we're dating and it's not the norm to dance with each other at frats) but I can't help but let the things she's said eat me up inside. I really want her to have fun with me when we go out and I don't have a good time either anymore because I know how she feels. I am so awkward whenever we do go out and am embarrass to even try to dance since I'm so insecure. I don't know if there is any way to change my mindset about things because I feel like I know how she honestly feels about the way I dance and stuff and she can't change her mind about that. I don't want to bring this up to her because she'll probably end up feeling really guilty about making me feel this way and I don't think anything she says to me will change the way I feel since I'm already so insecure In addition, every time we go out, guys will hit on her and not me, which makes me feel ugly. She never talks to them but I keep thinking that things would be so much easier if I were a guy since I'd probably just be happy that I have a hot girlfriend and although I clearly have a hot girlfriend since guys constantly go up to her and send drinks to our table for her, I'm also a girl and I feel like I need to feel beautiful too but I just keep getting beat down when a guy goes up to her and no one comes up to me. I mean, clearly I am not good looking and I feel like I'm dating someone so out of my league Just need some advice for all this. Thanks Edited January 7, 2016 by Jqc
ExpatInItaly Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 First, your girlfriend can't make you feel insecure. That's your own stuff and I don't really see that she's doing much to exacerbate that. Second, you're putting too much importance on this dancing issue. I imagine there are plenty of other things you do together that you equally enjoy, no? Perhaps she wishes you wouldn't be so self-conscious about it because she can probably see you're not having fun. But it's obviously not a dealbreakker for her. Third, you need to remember that she clearly has chosen to be with you. Why do you care that guys hit on her and not you? That's a refection on your own insecurity and not her. Are you worried she likes the attention and might go off with one of them? Fourth, I have always found that there are ways to overcome insecurity if we're dedicated to it. Stop with the negative self-talk. Be your own biggest cheerleader, not your own worst critic. Working out consistently is my biggest trick - I always feel better about myself and more clear of mind when I'm in shape and working towards another fitness goal. You need to find your "trick" to help you boost your self-esteem, independent of her. If you believe you're ugly and awkward and not good enough, that will projected onto almost everything you do and others notice. You need to start projecting a more positive self-image.
MrDuck Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Surprise her with a dance class as a date? Have a laugh, maybe pick up some tips, score thoughtful boyfriend brownie points.. win win?
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