Ex gf left to be with a married man who is also my boss

January 18, 2016

I'm glad that you are able to keep things civil, but don't tell him that you guys are getting better and stuff. You guys will never get better. He is fake, a manipulator, liar, turns on you in a heartbeat and his viewpoint changes on demand. Who is he ? He lacks personality, integrity, compassion and empathy. That's a big problem. Maybe one day he will realize this himself.

Stay away from him! It;s time to focus on yourself, hang out with good friends, start dating again, hobbies, new skills, aim for a constant personal growth. Keep us posted

January 18, 2016

The situation as it stands now, I keep it professional when I speak with him since as long as I remain here, I have no choice but to interact with him. Still, keep it to a minimum. I know, or feel at least, that in his mind, he is trying to "make it better" between us. Just his actions and how he speaks tells me this. For me though, it will never be good between us again. In my opinion, you don't do the kind of things that he and my ex did and expect it to ever be right again. By thinking it will be ok again, they would feel that what they did is ok in the long run and that their actions were justified. The more "energy", be it positive or negative, that they have to feed on, by those keeping it alive by talking and reacting to it, the more they don't have to focus on what they did and where they are at now, playing house together just 1 month after he left his home, his wife and daughter, and now my ex moved in with him. So be it. Feed off each other, save everyone else from your abuse.

On a plus, joined a bowling league with some friends I've had for 20 years. Good way to get out, mind focuses on something else. Still sending out the resume's, seeing what happens. Till then, keep it cool, keep it calm, focus on the work as much as I can while there.

Take care all

January 19, 2016

Over these past few weeks, I've found myself looking at this entire situation with a more psychological frame of mind. Reading the stories of others on here, realizing that I'm not the only one to have gone through something like this, taking a more objective look at how it went down for me and researching relationship gurus and sights, well, it paints a picture that helps the mind make sense of it all.

Looking back at the relationship, as many of us will do, the saying goes you look through "rose tinted glasses." Get nostalgic about it and try to see the good times. Well, for me at least, I see all those little times where something happened or something asked that makes me look at the psychology of it all.

In the beginning, I cracked jokes about the age difference we have. She's 10.5 years younger than me. At the time, I had more of an issue with it than she as, at least to me, there was a generational gap. The way we spoke about daily life was different. I have a more proper, politically correct outlook where she is the opposite and more into the social media aspect. There were many times where I said something where she had no idea what it was about, to the point where I had to explain it. On the flip side of the coin, she would say something about popular media and I had no clue what it meant. The 2 of us were on different wave lengths while my boss, even though he's a low-down dirty cheat, is more on the same level as she, opening up a connection between them.

My ex had been in an abusive relationship before her and I met, one that lasted nearly 6 years. That is a long time for any relationship, especially one that started while she was still a teenager. She told me some stories, horrific ones, of her time with that guy and his family. When you hear things like that, you can't help but feel sympathy for the person involved. Now, looking back after all this, one can't help but wonder if many or all of the stories are a fabrication, one meant to pull at the strings of those she means to feed energy off of, as a narcissist does.

At the end of the day, I don't harbor hatred or anger for them personally, just their actions. To deny them the energy that they feed on, the drama, is the best action I can take. When they don't have the drama to feed off, they are left with themselves, with the realization of their actions. Everything I know or have researched about relationships tell me that their time together is short lived, no matter how much they want to deny it. Many people, on here and friends, have mentioned that there will come a time she will reach out to me and that it'll be up to me at that point what path to take. I truly believe with all my being that she will never reach out. There is an "illusion of power" going on between them where he, as I've seen him do with other women before, has managed to twist reality to the point where she can't or won't see the truth. I truly don't know how he can manage this other than imposing his will over those with a weaker will, and that to me is abuse. So she has entered into a relationship completely opposite of what her and I had, making it similar to the one she had before me, only a mental/emotional. Her appearance has altered much over the past months, where her hair is now bleach blonde, looking a nasty orange, weight gain, so forth. Her temper is short now as well, getting into arguments with others at work more often than not.

All this being said, in the end, doesn't change the fact that my life will go on and be better for this. As with many of us in life, these moments in life are lessons, to be remembered and shared with others when possible. Thanks again folks. Sorry for the bit of rant, just speaking whats on the mind.

January 19, 2016

Glad you are keeping us updated - try not to focus on what has changed with her and him and what they are doing with their lives now. Since you have to work together for now, I would suggest keeping the contact as minimal as possible.

January 19, 2016

I am currently looking into other jobs, schooling, so on. Finished off resume and posted to job sites. Hard thing to do since I've been here for 15 years now, having worked my way up the ranks to supervisor, just not salary as my boss is.

Continue to look for work. Not just the environment with the ex/boss, it doesn't sound like the best place. It's time to move on and good luck. Expand your search. Not just your town.

You'll be happier when you remove yourself from the toxic situation.

January 22, 2016

Hey folks, how's everyone doing? Still on the hunt for a new job here, keeping my eye out. Time will come to make that move soon.

Some apprehension still about taking this step to a new job though. Leaving a position and wage that I'm at now, the uncertainty of starting over. I believe that it will have to happen no matter though. As my friend told me recently, you cant really put a price on your mental health. Continuing to stay where I'm at, working with that guy, will put too much of a drain.

Lucky for me, there really hasn't been any new drama BS for past several days. I continue to speak with him only on matters pertaining to the job. Unfortunately, many of my crew members don't appreciate the way he speaks to them, in a demeaning matter, as if they don't know their jobs. I do what I can to rectify that while maintaining distance between us. As has been mentioned before, this a draining situation, one where I consume too much of my own energy keeping that distance and emotions in check for the sake of the job.

So, I will continue looking and may have to take that step to a lower wage position. I realize I may not get something where I'm at now, but the peace of being away from this may just be worth it.

Take care all

January 22, 2016

Hey folks, how's everyone doing? Still on the hunt for a new job here, keeping my eye out. Time will come to make that move soon.

Some apprehension still about taking this step to a new job though. Leaving a position and wage that I'm at now, the uncertainty of starting over. I believe that it will have to happen no matter though. As my friend told me recently, you cant really put a price on your mental health. Continuing to stay where I'm at, working with that guy, will put too much of a drain.

Lucky for me, there really hasn't been any new drama BS for past several days. I continue to speak with him only on matters pertaining to the job. Unfortunately, many of my crew members don't appreciate the way he speaks to them, in a demeaning matter, as if they don't know their jobs. I do what I can to rectify that while maintaining distance between us. As has been mentioned before, this a draining situation, one where I consume too much of my own energy keeping that distance and emotions in check for the sake of the job.

So, I will continue looking and may have to take that step to a lower wage position. I realize I may not get something where I'm at now, but the peace of being away from this may just be worth it.

Take care all

Hey, I am glad to see that you are doing better.

I think that time you confronted him about his oversharing really changed things up a bit, gave you back some power.

My theory is that you'll be pretty much over this in the next couple of months.

Any dates on the horizon?

January 22, 2016

No dates ahead anytime soon. Have hung out with a lady friend of 5 years a few times. More of a reconnecting thing. While the opportunity is there for something new and fresh with her, with her going so far as to ask me what I'm looking for in a relationship, I explained to her that with my current frame of mind, it wouldn't be fair to any woman that I attempted to be with since I wouldn't be able to give myself fully. Yes, it's going on 6 months since my ex broke up with me yet I'm still in it everyday since then. My boss, as long as I continue to work here, I have to deal with, at least on a professional level. Seeing her and the fact that we don't even acknowledge each other. It keeps it fresh in my mind. Hence the need to move onto a new job/environment. All the folks I work with were witness to this ugliness, my life splayed open for all to see.

While I have my good days, ones where I can see myself reaching a happy place once again, I also have the bad days, ones where the "own worst enemy self induced stress" levels hit like a bad storm. As I've mentioned before, I've never dealt with this level of deception from those I had trusted and held close to my heart. Maybe it's due to lack of experience as this had been my longest personal relationship. I am of the type to always put others ahead of me, their happiness and well being. While I don't feel this is a bad way to live, it opens yourself up to those who would use you to get what they want.

Being the youngest of 3 boys, I had watched the troubles my brothers went through growing up, learning what to and not to do. In a way, this kept me from taking risks. That simple lack of taking risks growing up means I have a lack of knowledge and experience in many things, yet on the flip side of the coin, I have knowledge that others don't have. I've found though that the knowledge and experience I do have, while great for making lasting friendships of loyalty and trust, those same skills have not helped me in my relationships with women. It may be a simple case of the type of woman I've been attracted to in the past up to my ex. Yes, they are smart, independent women but have a deep emotional problem they hide. We all have that to some extent though

January 23, 2016

Keep up the job hunt and keep moving and looking forward.

Change is really frightening but viewed the right way it can also be really exciting.

Instead of thinking about it being a change of job because of them, think of it as a change of job to better yourself and learn more.

Keep your head down and keep moving forward. Best way to be in a situation like that.

January 23, 2016

Wow, this is crazy. I feel sorry for you.

You did make some mistakes. And im glad you admit.

But on the other hand, how can your ex mess at work/?

Thats such big disrespect.

It also shows that you guys wasnt really tight.

Otherwise she should have come to you and tell you she dont like what he is

doing and you to team up and report him.

I would say worry about your mom!

You wasnt perfect. BUt this girl sound like a slut.

And this manager a piece of *****.

You can do many things with this to pay them back.

Start with telling his wife what he is been doing at work, go to your boss and tell him what this manager is doing.

Hes not on the winning side in this. Neither is your ex. Because she will soon

suffer of whatever gossip or him using this affair against her at work.

But i think the most healthy way is to look for a new job somewhere else.

Or if you are working for a big company see if you can be put at another

building. Were you wont be around them atall.

If you are leaving for another job, i would say for sure let your boss know why

you are leaving and what was going on.

Because no manager should be messing around and hit on coworkers.

And whatever happen, never take this girl back!

Ignore her. And keep it all strict business with them!

January 23, 2016

Learn from this!

If you end up messing or dating anyone at work or be ok with your gf working at

same place as you , and things go wrong blame yourself.

Because you know now its better at all times to not have any of relationships not

even hookups at work.

January 23, 2016

Hey Acoryn, I’m not in your situation but something similar. I liked a guy at my place of work, we never dated or got intimate, just lots of heavy flirting, texting, and phone calls. We were in the 'getting to know you phase.' However, I noticed that he’s also really close to another female co-worker who is married. I'm a girl and i know when a guy is into me and he is into her, she likes him too. Whether they end up having an affair or not, I’m not going to stick around and see how it ends. So I’ve backed off. No more flirting, no more texting, just keeping it purely professional. She works just a few doors down from me, they work together a lot so I hear them all day talking, laughing and joking.

Can’t understand why a single man would prefer to get into a friendship with a married woman as opposed to being with a single girl but to each his own… I guess.

January 27, 2016

Hey folks, hows it going?

Well, been a few days since posted. Have been working on dayshift last couple days learning a new machine. Been going well with that, getting the practice and knowledge needed. Plus, it keeps me busy, something new. Had some apprehension about being on the same shift as my ex for this time. So far though, been ok as we don't acknowledge each other in any way. So, basically feels like a death in the family kind of thing. For the best I feel.

Came back to my own shift for a day since my boss is off. Moment I get back, start to hear about some heat, some tension, going on with my team members. They tell me the story of what happened, with one team member speaking ill of myself and another supervisor to my boss in front of the rest of the team members. Now I can't speak for other companies, but here, at least the general thinking of it, break times and lunches are for the employees and management should not be spending that time with them. That is there time to say and speak on whatever they like with no repercussions. Well, my boss obviously doesn't play by this rule. He will be the first to enforce a rule as long as it doesn't affect him yet break that same rule in the same minute. Contradicts himself on a daily basis.

In the end, I've been able to pull myself away on a daily basis, not feeding him or her anymore energy. He still attempts to get himself involved in conversations where I'm talking with someone and he'll drop his 2 cents in. I laugh at that sometimes, feeling like he wants me to forgive him on a certain level and be good about what happened. The way I feel, you don't do the kind of things that the 2 of them did and expect everything to be hunky dory again. I'm getting better, keeping my mind from the dark places it has gone in the past. I will reach a place of happiness again, although I won't be the same person I was.

Progress folks, always progress. Later

January 28, 2016

I have a question for you folks on here. I've always leaned towards taking things slow, kind of an old fashioned way of things. Unfortunately, this type of thinking doesn't float well in todays instant gratification society.

So my question here is : how long, if ever, did it take for you and your partner to move in together?

I've seen some do it in 1 month, others wait 5 years. While moving in together is a great move, I'm of the thinking that it's not something that any one should do without some serious thought. What do you think?

January 29, 2016

You are right Acorym. You should take your time moving in with someone. You need to get to know that person. She/he might be totally irresponsible not being able to hold a job or pay for bills.

For some it might take 3 months or 6 months, a year, every relationship is different.

Them moving together right away.....so stupid.

Acorym, please a get another job somewhere far, far away You will be so liberated you won't even believe !

/// "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...." star wars ///

About your exes ignorance at work:

She might feel awkward, guilty around you. She can't look into your eyes. Like I said before their relationship is not likely to last.

If I were you I would start dating.

Maybe a new hottie at work whom your boss wouldn't be able to seduce (he would be rejected) and your ex would be jealous about Then quit

There are many sweet, caring, compassionate girls out there who would be thrilled to have you. This new girl will have the magic power to erase the nightmare with your ex completely. She will be invalid.

February 4, 2016

Hey all, how's it going? Well, going on 2 weeks now that I've been working the dayshift turn, learning the new machine. Have to say that I'm enjoying it. Learning CAD basics to run it. Looking into taking a CAD course to get certified which will help me a long ways into more opportunities in the future. Soon grid also keeps me occupied and mind of all the other stuff. My friend of 20 years, who also works here, has found another job and is planning on leaving. I wish him well and success as he also had been caught up in all this BS of the past 6 months.

My ex has and I have not acknowledged each other even though we see each other everyday now more than ever. It's for the good though as I really have nothing to say to her at this point. As much as I felt for her before, I just don't care to put myself in that position with her again. My team on the other shift want me back soon as dealing with my boss there has gotten harder for them. I get it, I don't want to deal with him either, but me being there is a protection for my team. I'll be heading back next week so we shall see.

Stay classy all. Later

February 4, 2016

I get it, I don't want to deal with him either, but me being there is a protection for my team. I'll be heading back next week so we shall see.

Stay classy all. Later

Hi,

It's great that you are continuing to learn new skills!

I understand that it makes you feel wanted that your second shift co-workers want you back, but maybe you should seriously consider getting out from this environment. Your friend is quitting too.

You are exposed to this chronic stress for 6 months and it cannot be good for your health or emotional well being. Most of us are healing faster in the absence of a constant trigger. Your case is much harder, you are seeing them everyday.

There is a documentary "E-motion The Movie", it's worth to watch.

Take care, ttyl

"Stay classy, San Diego" (movie Anchorman

Sign In

Ex gf left to be with a married man who is also my boss

Recommended Posts

Captivating

acorym

acorym

VeveCakes

TheTraveler

acorym

dreamingoftigers

acorym

Toodaloo

Cherryz

Cherryz

loveisanaction

acorym

acorym

Captivating

acorym

Captivating

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...