Ex got married, and only knew her for 2 months. Why is he still calling me

[LJones9900]

I am a complete mess! I broke up with my boyfriend 2 years ago, but we have kept in touch. (I should say that HE has kept in touch). Anyway, he got back from Iraq in Dec. and he has called me several times. I never call him. Last week, he insisted that I meet him in DC for an event. When I arrived, he was wearing a wedding band and told me that he has married a girl he has only known for 2 months. Now he stopped by my house on the way to NC yesterday and asked me to come down there with him this weekend. I still love him. He has turned my whole life upside down. I feel so betrayed and hurt. What should I do? I still love this man. Help!

[outdated]

He was sticking it to you. Plain and simple. He's married now, there's nothing you can do, and anything you decide to do with him is a waste of time. Do you WANT to be the OTHER woman? Of course you don't. You've already wasted too much time thinking about this guy. I'm not being a morality junkie here, that's just the truth. You have to move on and find someone else. After all, You broke up with him... and if HE'S the one that's been keeping in touch, obviously you had plenty of chances to tell him how you feel...

[curiousnycgirl]

I had this happen to me about 6 years ago, although he dated her for about 6 months before they got engaged. Regardless he would call me and tell me she wasn't as pretty as me, and wasn't as smart as me, wasn't as cultured as me etc. I basically kept telling him the following "newflash - you DIDN'T want me - so maybe she's perfect!" Once they became engaged, he actually asked me to be in HER wedding party (saying I was his best friend).

 

Needless to say I did not go. It took me a while - but I finally got rid of him. I basically told him that his wife needed to be his best friend and that comparing us was unfair to HER. Told him to go home, beg forgiveness and NOT tell her why.

 

To this day I am not sure why he kept calling. It was totally wierd. Thankfully it is years later and no news is very good news.

[suegail]

You need to let go of him. Tell him you consider it inappropriate for him to call you or try and see you. Tell him he has made a decision and now it's time to be a man.

 

I'm really sorry this happened to you. I know it hurts. For your sake, and for the sake of his wife, who is an innocent party in all this, cut all ties.

[LJones9900]

You are very nice. Thank you. It is very painful. I have cried for a week, but he has no idea. Last Sunday, I was on my Yahoo and he started writing me. I told him I had to go and get ready. He asked me where I was going and I told him DC for the big Rolling Thunder bike ride. He said that he was going there too. He must have called me ten times to find out if I was coming, and before you know it, he was waiting for me to get off of the Metro. It was then that I saw his wedding band and had to ask him what that was. It was then that he told me that he was married. I wanted to just die inside, but I played it off and acted like it didn't bother me. We spent the day just running around DC. and then I left. He tried to kiss me and hug me, but I kind of blew him off. He called me three times that night to "make sure I made it home alright". Little does he know that I cried all of the way home on the train. He asked me if he came down if I would "jump his bones" and I said, "Absolutely not, you are married now". Then, he stopped by on Thurs. unannounced and said he was up the street at a restaurant, and could I come up. I told him no, I was in the middle of working in my home office and he proceeded to leave to go out of town, where he invited me along. He gave me his phone number, (again) and I have not, and will not call him.

 

I got a very rude remark from a girl on here who told me to find my own man. That really hurt me as she does not know the whole situation, or me, for that matter. It is nice to see that there are understanding people here. I was kind of wondering after that remark. Thank you soooo much for your support. I am so hurt that I cannot even hardly function right now. But I will be ok. I don't plan on ever talking to this man again. I am not a bad person. Thank you again. You made me feel better.

[suegail]

No, you're not a bad person at all, and in fact you're trying very hard to do the right thing, though he's putting the pressure on you and trying to jerk your feelings around. I'm so glad to hear that you are refusing all his advances.

 

I feel very sorry for his wife if this is how he behaves after having just married. Though I know you're sad right now, it has to make you glad you weren't the one to marry him. Think of that - remember that you are not in that miserable situation, because it eventually will be for her just that, probably unendurable. He'd best hope he hasn't married too smart of a woman, because when she wises up...well, you know what they say about a woman scorned.