hasekninh Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 My gf and I are in a LDR. We both from different state. I came back for the holiday to spend time w her. We been together for 1 yrs. I move to a different state for job promotion. She currently still in college. After the holiday, I told her am worry and I become insure w her. I worry that we might not work out, she cheat on me. Etc.. She told me not to worry about her to much or the relationship or think to much. She going to visit me in March. I keep over think that I wont bc most ppl tell me LDR usually dont last long. Yes, sm I love w my gf and I want to marry her when she ready or settle down. I tild her I will move back home when she ready. Does LDR work? Am I over thinking? What can I do to make the LDR stronger.
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Successful LDRs require tremendous trust. If you don't have that, you can't maintain an LDR. To make the LDR strong you must communicate. Talk regularly. Do send e-mails & snail mail letters. There is something wonderful about having that piece of paper in your hand. Back off the marriage talk. You have only been together for 1 year & long distance at that. She is young, still in college. When she graduates let her experience life & a job for a while. When you close the distance date conventionally then you can talk about marriage. 1
truth_seeker Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 I don't think anything is wrong wanting to marry after being together a year. If you know, you know, so no problem with that. The issue I see is she's still in college. I would say 25 years old is a good time for her to marry. She'll be out of school and have experienced a couple of years in the "real world".
TheArtist Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 I agree with everything d0nnivain says, but would like to add that you need to make a clear end point. When are you going to close the distance for good? Work out that date and keep to it.
Popsicle Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Put a ring on it. That's what my xH did when I moved away for school. I was gone away for a year for school (he came to visit and proposed two weeks after I left) then I moved back after a year to get married and start our life together.
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 I don't think anything is wrong wanting to marry after being together a year. But they haven't really. It's been long distance so when they are together, it's like a fantasy because everybody drops everything just to focus on the other in the short time they have together. This young couple has not experienced the pressure of daily life as a couple yet so it's too soon for them to be talking marriage.
central Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 LDRs are very difficult. IMO, you must have a definite plan on when and where you will live in the same location, so you can then fully develop the relationship. It is a very bad idea to contemplate marriage when you haven't spent at least a year together, seeing each other at least weekly or more. In addition to email and text, use Skype or similar - it always helps to see each other. LDRs seldom work out. I think it is best to not be exclusive, i.e., both date other people, and still try to see each other when you can. Eventually, if you still want to pursue the relationship, do so - in the same location.
smackie9 Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Any kind of relationship is a crap shoot whether you are LD or not. You just have to roll the dice and see what happens.
truth_seeker Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 But they haven't really. It's been long distance so when they are together, it's like a fantasy because everybody drops everything just to focus on the other in the short time they have together. This young couple has not experienced the pressure of daily life as a couple yet so it's too soon for them to be talking marriage. You make a good point in regards to this couple. I think though, in general, if you've been with someone for a year, you should know if they're the one or not. 1
soph-walker Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 My ex and I did LD for a year and boyohboy was it a struggle. When the person you love most is pretty darn far away from you and all you want is to see their face after a hard day at work or whatever, you have to remember that despite their absence, they are probably feeling the same difficulty. It was definitely enjoyable though, as the time we spent together was of excellent quality, which only made me miss him more! He asked me to live with him after a year, and I moved into his house etc. The struggle then was going from LDR to waking up together daily and seeing the warts and all relationship. It was a big eye opener for me, having never lived with a partner before. I loved him even more for it though and saw it as the next step in the relationship. His interest in work overtook, however, and he became complacent with me and started taking me for granted. Time spent together (from his end) was a half-ass job and whilst I maintained the relationship from my end of the bargain, I felt like I was a dot on his horizon. Be sure that you keep fuelling the relationship in the right way- and that she is prepared to do the same.
Author hasekninh Posted January 7, 2016 Author Posted January 7, 2016 I strongly agree LDR need to have trust and communication. Talk every night, text. Etc. I really haven't talk about marriage to her yet. But I am hoping she the one. I havent.told her that I will marry her.But I did tell her that I will come back when she think she ready to settle down ex. Have a job, finish school,etc. But I did.tell her that if we work out than let it happen, if not, we just move on.
mortensorchid Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 LDRs usually do not work out. I have been in 2 in my life. If you are not seeing each other at least once a month, you tend to do a lot of fantasizing. If and when you do see each other if not doing the once a month rule, you end up feeding the fantasy even further. If you are doing it the right way of seeing each other at least once a month, you are in better standing. However, you reach a point where you both have to say "is this what I want?", and you are going to risk getting dumped via text, email or phone call. Facts are facts, I'm just saying.
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