What is the point of relationships and how do you ever move on?

[steve91]

I need some friendly advice, but please be patient as I have a lot to say.

I had a girlfriend for over 3 years and we ended things last June. When we met I was a virgin who never had a proper girlfriend and I was so happy to have her in my life. I have never been a ‘lad’ who goes out to try and get laid or anything.

There were problems and admittedly I never helped with matters. There were lots of small things but I won’t go into detail on those because none of us have time for that.

I have parents who have been married 30 years and I just really struggle with the idea of failed relationships. I didn’t bust my arse to save the one I had so I know that seems contradictory.

I am just really struggling to move on at a time when I need to. I am going travelling to New Zealand for a few months in just a few days. She has a new boyfriend and I just feel a bit numb. I know people will say ‘oh it is normal’ etc and ‘time heals’ but it has been many months. The main issue is I don’t know how I should feel.

I have loads of emails we exchanged, some nice and some when we broke up. I have loads of photos and stuff she bought me. I don’t look at them every day nor do I have them on display, but I don’t know whether to get rid or keep.

Bottom line: I spent 3 years (which to me is quite a long time) with a girl I did love. Although I know it is for the best that we broke up, I just don’t know how to emotionally move on. People say you learn from everything, yes you maybe do but we don’t enter them just to learn do we?

I am actually a very strong person but I can be very over analytical, but that is me.

So you have sex with this person you love, spend great times together over a substantial period of time…. Then it is just gone. What was the point if just to ‘learn’ from it. 3 years ago I loved her and didn’t enter the relationship just to learn from it. I'm 24 btw

[basil67]

The point of it was to enjoy the time you had together. It's also about finding out *if* this person was going to be a forever partner. You can't find your forever partner without spending time dating and loving - even if those relationships don't work out.

 

As for the keepsakes, I'm now pushing 50, but I have photos going back to my teens of various people in my life. I've ditched pretty much everything else though. When you reach the stage of indifference towards her, you'll be much more able to part with the stuff. In the meantime, stick it in a box and ignore it.

[Captivating]

Steve, We enter relationships hoping that it will work out. At the beginning usually everything is rosy - the "honey-moon phase" - then this emotionally highly fueled stage settles down into a more secure deeper love. Reality sets in, we finally start to get to know each other A lot of young people give up the relationship after this exciting phase is over thinking that something is wrong with the relationship.

 

Most of us go through several relationships when we are young. We learn about others, ourselves what we want in a relationship and generally about relationship dynamics. (stages)

 

What you go through is the withdrawal, it sucks ! Keeping yourself occupied and distracted works for most people to ease the pain. It has to run it's course, you can't MAKE yourself move on. You should pack the reminder "stuff" in a box and pack it away so that you don't get triggered all the time. Avoid contact with her, it is very helpful.

 

It is great that you are travelling to New Zealand, I am envious, I have always wanted to go there !! Enjoy your time ! It will get better, pinky swear !