SmartDude Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Lets say your meeting some one at a bar for what seems like a casual encounter. Neither person is really looking for a relationship out of the other. What is the proper etiquette? I had a date with a younger woman who seemed to just be there for a hook up by the way she was acting. When first entering the bar, she was giving me some hints on how she was feeling with her eyes and gesture. At one point I noticed in my peripheral vision that this lady and the bartender were kind of looking at each other with the understanding that I was not doing something that was expected at that point in the date. I wanted to talk to her for a bit before suggesting anything. Confusingly she seemed ready to go home with me as soon as she walked in, that was the vibe I was getting. Like she didn't want to get to know me, she was only there for sex. This is kind of strange to me because even if I am having casual sex with some one, I would prefer to connect with them a bit first if I can. I sat across from her instead of getting phsically closer, I know for sure that was my first mistake. I probabbly was just enjoying the conversation and not giving off a very sexual vibe as well. I feel so stupid now, but its all becomming clear in hindsight. In a situation like this are you supposed to keep the conversation minimal and just get straight to the question of "would you like to come to my place?" or whatever? I have not spent that much time in bars so I have no clear concpet of people's cultural expectations in this specific scenario.
carhill Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Casual sex is defined by a lack of rules. Of course, use safer sex but, other than that, let go of everything else. Feel it and enjoy it. Let it flow. Ask yourself 'why do I feel like I want to have sex with this stranger?' Accept the answer and move forward. Your answer will be unique to you. My bet is you've often or occasionally run into strangers where there is this strong vibe that you want to just mash your bodies together in a mindless tangle. 'Nuff said. Don't think. Do.
pteromom Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Confusingly she seemed ready to go home with me as soon as she walked in, that was the vibe I was getting. Like she didn't want to get to know me, she was only there for sex. This is kind of strange to me because even if I am having casual sex with some one, I would prefer to connect with them a bit first if I can. I sat across from her instead of getting phsically closer, I know for sure that was my first mistake. Every person is going to be different. Go with the energy and flow you are getting from the other person. It is very possible that if she just wanted sex, she didn't WANT to connect first. That can cause someone to catch feelings, when she is maybe just looking for physical release.
Author SmartDude Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 It is very possible that if she just wanted sex, she didn't WANT to connect first. That can cause someone to catch feelings, when she is maybe just looking for physical release. Yea it is most likely this. For some reason my mind would not accept reality though. Its like we men are programmed by society to think that women only seek sex for the purpose of building a relationship. Its hard to ignore that programming sometimes and just look at her and see what she wants in that moment.
carhill Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Experiment with focusing on what you want. She's a big girl and can handle what she wants. If minds meet and bodies mash together, that's the adult answer. No relationship nor consideration of any social entanglements is necessary. If married women are off the plate, be up front about that. That's always a possibility with casual sex. It's not required they be off the plate, rather a personal preference.
Author SmartDude Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 Does't help that I was into her. That is probably why I wanted to keep talking and was clueless. What a weird situation. Now I know how women feel lol.
carhill Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 You can redefine what 'into her' is. That's a behavior resulting from a feeling. Why would anyone be 'into' a stranger? Heh, well, that's coveting what we find attractive. There's no other value in the dynamic than that. They're some unknown human. Billions of us around. We choose to assign adjectives in our brain regarding the stimulation our eyes, ears and nose, and maybe touch, brings us. That's all it is, stimulation. Everything else is programming we have control over. I'm not selling casual sex here. Not my cuppa, rather exploring the processes, stuff we've probably all felt at one point or another in life. If it isn't for you, that's your path. I recall a foggy winter day at the zoo where I was almost the only human there. I was working as a volunteer docent. Suddenly, this person happened upon me and I can remember how we just kind of looked at each other for what seemed like minutes and ended up walking around the zoo together. I had all these rules, you know, zoo volunteer rules and getting to know women rules and sex rules and rules for rules and, meh, so she slipped off into the fog and was never seen again. Think less, feel more. That was during my 'dope' period. Hope that explains things. Good luck!
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