Mr Freeze Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Right so I've just signed up on here to ask for some advice on this matter. I'll try and write the whole story so I can get some honest advice from you guys. So basically I'm 25 and my 'girlfriend?' is 23. This is my first serious relationship (I'd dated a girl for a couple of months before but that was it). We've been going out a year and a half and whilst things have no means been easy I was starting to think things were going well. Now to backtrack a little with it being my first real relationship I've made some pretty big mistakes main ones being lying to my girlfriend about another girl (just a friend!) and also about having my 'ex' on facebook (which I didn't think was a problem)... But these were in no way malicious, I thought it was the right thing to do! Also pertinent is that I work away so only see her maybe two or three weekends a month. So to get to the point just before xmas we had a massive argument in which I realised that I'd been pretty blase about the whole relationship and how much I'd hurt her, and we nearly broke up. She's told me stuff before about where I'm going wrong but me being stubborn never actually listened... That was when I realised how far I'd pushed this woman that I love so decided to change. Now she says to me and my mother that she sees that I've made an effort and she sees I've made a change which is good. Then she tells me a few days later she doesn't know how she's feeling and wants some space. Fine, I gave her space although we still talked just about the same amount and we decided that the week off I had coming up was going to be the deciding point. So I get home after work and we have a fantastic first few days, seeing my family everything is great, go back to her family's and everything is ok. Then we go to London and I notice things aren't feeling right and I try and coax it out of her but she just says she has a bad stomach (which she has been suffering from for a while but the xmas period has made it worse). Then we get back to hers and I spend the night the next day she finally decides she wants to talk. So we sit down and what comes out of it is, that she still loves me and wants things to work but at the minute she doesn't feel she can trust me (because of the things I said about earlier) and she feels a bit funny. She also said she's had the best year and the worst year with me because of the ups and downs. So I asked what she thinks can help and she said going on a break, so I'm sat here now trying to figure it out. Because it really is hurting right now and I do really want her back. We've not spoken since but she has let me keep a load of my stuff there until we can figure things out. She says she has no interest in sleeping or seeing other guys and just needs time to figure out what she wants. Now I know being a naive arse at the start of the relationship wasn't ideal but after she asked for space and I'd gotten back to see her face to face we'd been talking about holidays and having our own place so I'm not sure. Another point is that she's just starting her dream career so that's put her under a tremendous amount of stress which I know isn't helping at all! Sorry for the long read but any input would be helpful. Cheers!
DrMario Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Firstly, I would tell you that you are being hard on yourself, everyone messes up in part in relationships, as much as you did I'm sure she did as well, I would take whatever time she claim's she needs apart and work on your self, forgive yourself, give yourself a hug and try to make sure you never repeat the same mistakes again by applying the knowledge you have gained from taking a long hard look at yourself, whether or not the two of you work out from there, you'll be a better person regardless, I do hope you work out though, maybe your both just too close to see the clouds through the tree's as things stand.
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Breaks make things worse, not better. To fix a relationship both people need to talk about the problems & work together to correct them. Spending time apart makes things fester & eventually dissolves the whole thing. Giving her a day or two to clear her head might be an OK thing but since you are barely around due to work, the last thing this woman should need is more time away from you. She's gauging whether she can make it on her own without you. So my advice is either work together to fix what's wrong or end it because wallowing around on a break won't solve anything.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Breaks make things worse, not better. To fix a relationship both people need to talk about the problems & work together to correct them. Spending time apart makes things fester & eventually dissolves the whole thing. Giving her a day or two to clear her head might be an OK thing but since you are barely around due to work, the last thing this woman should need is more time away from you. She's gauging whether she can make it on her own without you. So my advice is either work together to fix what's wrong or end it because wallowing around on a break won't solve anything. Exactly. What is she taking space from? You're not around her much to begin with. Please follow the advice above, OP. Tell her you're willing to work on it together as a couple, or go your separate ways.
Author Mr Freeze Posted January 7, 2016 Author Posted January 7, 2016 I just think or rather hope that it's all down to stress because 'the talk' happened on Tuesday but on Saturday she was still planning stuff for us to do and a few days before that she was still talking about holidays for us in the near future. I don't know if I'm being blinded but this is absolutely killing me. And I don't know if contacting her will make things better or worse? I just left it with her as, take some time to focus on your career, get your head straight and then we can see what happens after...
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