GH3 Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 My ex and I broke up a month ago and we knew it would end when he moves away but he called it off a bit sooner. I took it harder than he did. Now just so you know it wasn't a breakup full of resentment and arguing and we said we'd be friends like we were before we dated. However I'm having second thoughts about that. I was ok with him at first, but now I'm pretty angry at him, I don't want to be but I am. I've talked to him casually before over Facebook but I don't think I can be that friendly anymore. I enjoyed a short period of peace after our breakup until he messaged "hey VV". I wasn't planning on answering but then he messaged me again pretty much wondering why I wasn't answering. I asked my friend "should I just be honest and tell him I don't want to talk to him?" she told me "shouldn't you say that in person?" which is true, so I just told him that we should talk when I'm back in town. It turned out that he just wanted to ask me if I wanted to marathon the Berserk movies with his friends to which I responded "I'll be busy." It made me sad actually, I remember when we were together he planned for us to watch them together. Sometimes I question whether I'm in my right to be angry I knew it would end, it bothers me that he takes this so nonchalantly.
Rockdad Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 It's possible in my opinion to be friends with an ex after you in this case works through being pissed off. Sounds to me your not done being angry and he is not feeling that way.
DrMario Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 If you feel this way, you should definitely tell him, but do you feel this way?, or are you cycling your emotions like most of us do after a break up?, either way it would be a damn shame to miss out on a Berserk marathon (if it the anime you are talking about). I would take some time to reflect and think long and hard before you come to your decision, after all, why agree to maintaining friendship in the first place if it wasn't in part at least what you wanted?. It would be a shame to throw away a good friendship if you can stomach that kind of thing after a break up, believe me, there are some exes I would have loved to have maintained a friendship with, but sadly, they cut me off before we had a chance to salvage that and now, they are mere strangers to me. Don't act rash based on how your currently thinking, distance yourself a while and give yourself some time to find the right answers. Best of luck.
Wewon Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 I went through the same thing after a break up years ago. The actual event was very calm and mature as we said out parting words, but after a week or two of digesting it I started to feel a range of different emotions, and one of them was anger. She called one day and I informed her that would prefer that we parted ways. IMO you have every right to be angry during this time. Its a bit unrealistic to think that you can go from being an item to being best buds a few weeks later without a period of time for your emotions to shift and settle. This is why people go into NC (no contact) after a break up. 1
ExtraSpice Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 I have almost always wanted to stay friends with an ex but at the same time it has almost never happened. I think it is very difficult to flip the switch from boyfriend/girlfriend to friends. You can't be friends if you still have intimate feelings for the person. For that reason I think it is good to have some separation and process your feelings. Once you feel like you can hang out with the person without wanting to be with them, you can be friends. Otherwise you are just pretending to be friends and that usually doesn't end well. What I have noticed, however, is that when you give yourselves some time and space to heal and process your feelings, at the end of it all you end up as mere acquaintances and not friends. Just depends on how things turn out.
Author GH3 Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 If you feel this way, you should definitely tell him, but do you feel this way?, or are you cycling your emotions like most of us do after a break up?, either way it would be a damn shame to miss out on a Berserk marathon (if it the anime you are talking about). I would take some time to reflect and think long and hard before you come to your decision, after all, why agree to maintaining friendship in the first place if it wasn't in part at least what you wanted?. It would be a shame to throw away a good friendship if you can stomach that kind of thing after a break up, believe me, there are some exes I would have loved to have maintained a friendship with, but sadly, they cut me off before we had a chance to salvage that and now, they are mere strangers to me. Don't act rash based on how your currently thinking, distance yourself a while and give yourself some time to find the right answers. Best of luck. Haha yes, its the anime and I think I mentioned that I felt ok with being friends at first. We haven't had much contact but he would messaged me a few times. I guess lately I've been reflecting on what he told me when we were talking about why it didn't work out. It was mainly him telling me things that I considered silly like: I'm spoken, I'm passive, I don't work well under pressure, I don't have enough confidence in him ( not his faithfulness by the way, but his creative decisions... He's a game designer and I'm an animator) and the best one I'm not aggressive. Thinking about that plus knowing about how he still gives his suicidal ex girlfriend a bit of leeway because he keeps saying things like "I won't ever get back her unless something drastically changes about her." At that point I was almost convinced there was something wrong with him because I thought "so he'll break up with someone that actually cares about him but he'll leave just a bit of room for his condescending, psychological- problem ridden cunt of an ex girlfriend who broke up with him and thinks of him only as plan B? But yet I'm baggage? I would've understood if it was just because my problem with my parents being controlling but when he mentioned his ex girlfriend I started to get angry. Also I'm a person that if someone wants to walk out of my life I'll let them, yet sometimes I feel like him telling me that I'm not aggressive, translates into him saying that I'm weak or afraid to fight. While I do bite my tongue a lot, I'll **** down someone's throat if I have to. So that's why I feel this way too.
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