aares Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 My ex and I have been apart for three weeks now, and I keep thinking about this over and over. Take this scenario that I just made up for the purpose of this thread: A man and a woman are completely in love. This is real love, whatever love is. Months later, they became engaged to be married. The woman has second guesses when they first start planning for the marriage, and she doesnt know if he is the guy for her. She calls everything off, and stops talking to him completely. Years later, they both find someone else that makes them happy. The end. What I dont understand is basically anyone can be in a relationship, the couple can be so in love with each other, "soul-mates" for instance, then break up and eventually find somone else that makes them happy all over again. It is easy to understand that this happens, but for me it is very hard to comprehend why this happens. In reality, no one should be afraid of not finding somone else later down the road, because everyone does essentially, atleast the people who actually try to find someone else. A person in a relationship can say things such as, "I cant imagine being with anyone else, other than you", or "we are never going to be apart" things like that. If they do break up, they both will find somone else that makes them just as happy, if not happier than their ex. Then, that same person will go on to develop feelings of the new person, and eventually say the same things to that person. Why is it that if people are "supposed to be with each other" or "soul-mates" or "made for each other", why can they go on to another relationship, forgetting about the ex and starting a new life with someone else? If I am not making sense, just tell me.
tanbark813 Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 You make perfect sense and you ask a good question. The reason is that it's simply a neurochemical addiction. You think you can't live without someone because you're literally addicted to the chemical processes they inspire in your brain. Then you break up, feel like s*** as you go through withdrawals until you're back to normal. Then the cycle begins anew. Isn't love grand?
Author aares Posted June 4, 2005 Author Posted June 4, 2005 Ok...so this neurochemical addiction is an attraction of the other person, including all of the feelings and everything. What is love then, and where does it come in? From that information, in reality, there are no such things as soul-mates then, because they could always find someone else to make them happy. This is so beat its not even funny.
westernxer Posted June 4, 2005 Posted June 4, 2005 People move on because they have to. You're asking all the wrong questions.
dgiirl Posted June 4, 2005 Posted June 4, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer People move on because they have to. You're asking all the wrong questions. My therapist told me there's no such thing as soul-mate. She said when you find that strong initial attraction to someone, it means that that person will play the role that will make your relationship resemble your parents relationship during your adolescence. Since mine was a bit Dis-functional, my relationship was almost identical to my parents relationship, and hence the breakup. Also, most people believe that when you find your "soulmate", that nothing else needs to be done. Noone tries to work on the relationship because you feel that it'll never end. When you stop working on the relationship, loss of communication happens, and thus the breakup. Now, what I forgot to ask her, is if i find my "soulmate" again, do I run in the opposite direction? lol There's also the theory that you can have multiple soulmates. One soulmate will prepare you for the other, etc.
westernxer Posted June 4, 2005 Posted June 4, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl There's also the theory that you can have multiple soulmates. One soulmate will prepare you for the other, etc. I definitely believe this. The "one and only" concept is a mind trick.
tanbark813 Posted June 4, 2005 Posted June 4, 2005 Originally posted by aares Ok...so this neurochemical addiction is an attraction of the other person, including all of the feelings and everything. What is love then, and where does it come in? From that information, in reality, there are no such things as soul-mates then, because they could always find someone else to make them happy. This is so beat its not even funny. Look up information on oxytocin. I found it somewhat helpful in dealing with a breakup. Maybe it's just me, but I took comfort in knowing the pain I was feeling had a very good logical reason for it.
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