blueowl32 Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 After a painful break up, I discovered that almost for the whole of my relationship with my ex boyfriend, he's been stringing his ex along. My ex was with her before he moved to my country and eventually sort of broke up with her due to long distance. After a year or so, I met him. I knew she was messaging him when he was with me, but he told me it was because she was not over him, and that he ignored her most of the time. I trusted him. I FOUND OUT: he was stringing her along. He would call her like twice a month to say he loved her. He told her that he DIDNT LOVE ME, and our relationship WAS NOT SERIOUS. Told her that once he returned to his country, he would GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HER. Yet at the same time he would become mean to her and criticised her weight and personality. So he's been still contacting her until she found out that he lied to her (about me not being serious). He's been really private about publicising our relationship (now I know why, because he wanted to hit on girls behind me) but made a comment saying 'I love you' to me one time, which his ex saw and decided she was fed up with him. I could feel he did truly love me a lot when we were together. Now I feel so used and betrayed. Why did he do that? He had low moral standards? Did he love me? IS IT BECAUSE HE WAS STILL IN LOVE WITH HIS EX? When we broke up, I was having a hard time letting him go. He lied to me again saying 'all my exes have such difficulty getting over me', 'my previous ex didnt manage to get over me despite having several rebounds' and 'she still wants to sleep with me' (which is truly not true as the girl moved on months ago). IS he doing this because it gives him an ego boost? WHY?
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Look at all the facts. This guy is a lying, cheating, narcissistic creep. People with those qualities rarely care about the feelings of others, they are out for what they can get, period. He was a good liar, he fooled you the whole time. That is his failure as a person, not yours. Luckily you found out the truth in the end, so you know to never give him another chance again. If he can string her along that long with no remorse, he probably would have done the same to you after the break up. I'm sorry you are hurting, you have every right to be, but believe me, you dodged a bullet! 2
Author blueowl32 Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 Could it be that he had remorse for leading the ex on? That's why he tried to push her away and made her move on by saying mean things to her? After the breakup he did say to me 'what's so great about me? dont beg me and you wont have problems meeting new guys'
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Could it be that he had remorse for leading the ex on? That's why he tried to push her away and made her move on by saying mean things to her? After the breakup he did say to me 'what's so great about me? dont beg me and you wont have problems meeting new guys' Can you not see how arrogant that statement is? "Don't beg me".. seriously he sounds like he thinks he is the king of the universe. "What's so great about me?" = Flatter my ego by telling me how great I am. It is all centered around narcissism. No remorse, only ego. Tearing his ex down when he became bored gave him a sense of power and superiority. This is all evidence of huge character flaws. 1
Author blueowl32 Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 I think he is guilty inside and feeling remorse that's why he said those things to push me away as well:S Why I never saw him as a narcissistic person. He was always so selfless and caring and thoughtful. And he doesnt have very high self esteem. So this all come to me as a surprise.
PegNosePete Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Sorry to say, you need to try to stop thinking about him and his motivations. He is a jerk, that's all there is to it. He did it because he is a jerk. He treated you badly because he is a jerk. That's all. Now you need to NC him and begin the process of moving on.
Author blueowl32 Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 (edited) Thanks everyone for your comments. He seemed he was really into me, and was very sweet and loving while we were together until it went long distance. I really thought so because I am a high maintenance and he coped with me. He sacrificed much for me and put up a lot with my unreasonable behaviours. I guess this was what made both his ex and me difficult to move on. It's as if once he moved and stopped loving me, he transformed radically into something different. I am not sure how to trust in my future relationships anymore. I really thought and felt he loved me deeply and only me, until I found out about this **** after the break up. Please comment. It really helps to get support from this forum Edited January 6, 2016 by blueowl32
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