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What is wrong with me? I feel sure he is lying but can't confront him

genuinelyloverly7

By genuinelyloverly7
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genuinelyloverly7 Established Member

genuinelyloverly7

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Why is it not enough for me to break it off? I want to confront him and have him prove himself true... Or admit he is lying which I know is less likely than the first very unlikely option.

 

Some background: we met online, and his actions were nothing but consistently sweet and dedicated to our relationship. But it turned out he lied about not being married, then told me he was getting a divorce when I found out. Then during that time "when he was filing" so many things happened that turned out to be either huge whoppers or such a compendium of insane circumstances (depending on if you ask him or my best friends) that I am just lost. I even have what seems like concrete proof, and because he isn't here for me to show him (to make him admit it I guess...) it's driving me nuts. I don't want to believe the proof.

 

The proof I don't want to believe:

1. The lie: he said they were at the tail end of the divorce when he got put in jail (his reason for not contacting me for a month). The proof: I Facebook snooped and saw a pic of them together at a family thing in matching t shirts when he was "locked up"... Then the reason for that became "I got out early for the holidays and didn't want to upset you more by telling you I couldn't come see you..."

2. My high school friend who is a divorce attorney looked up his "pending divorce" and found nothing in the court records online. Nor anything for him being in county jail when he said he was. I haven't told him about this bit of my "research"...

3. When he came to see me "the first day" he "got out of jail" he told me he had to move the next day to his old home state to take custody of a teenage child he fathered in high school that he only found out about when they tracked him down in jail...

 

And more and more of either the most unrealistic or the most unlucky conglomeration of situations/revelations. And I'm thinking, well, it could be true... Because individually it just looks like a sad turn of events when they happen... But add them all together and it gets pretty fishy to most people.

 

And now a week or so later, he is writing me (still no phone for some reason- I think he said he had to give up his business to prevent her getting it in the divorce and had no money in savings so is broke...) saying how he is getting his kid enrolled in the local school and how hard it is living in his old hometown...

 

To summarize- on one hand I know he is lying- I almost knew it as he was telling me these things. I just kept waiting to be proved right about my feelings for him, and not my intuition about his horse puckey. One the other I don't want to face the hurt of being wrong again. Of being such a damn fool. Again. And having to face the consequences of that. Which means telling him to kiss off, when he is going to act all hurt and surprised and bewildered like he doesn't understand why I don't believe him. I told him before when he was telling me all this, that I believed him that I needed proof. He said his court date is on the 14th of January and he will be back for that. And that he would show me divorce papers then, proving he isn't lying... And I want to believe him! I want him to be telling me the truth and for all the moments we shared to be real and to be meaningful... He seemed so perfect. I knew too perfect. But I didn't know it until I was emotionally ensnared. But what if he is telling the truth? Wouldn't I be horrible to assume the worst of him while he is going through all of this? It's crazy- the longer I don't get to see him the more I wonder if he could be telling the truth. I was all prepared to tell him to go to hell the night he showed up "after being in jail"... Then another sad occurance... After another... And another...

 

On the other hand I've got some of his stuff at my house. My friends all say to get rid of it and tell him to kiss off and never come round again. Can I do that? Can I just keep/burn/pawn his stuff that he left at my house? He said he was leaving it to remind me of him... He is supposedly coming back on the 14th with divorce papers, which my BFF says can be printed out and faked. So what do I do when he brings them to me? I could call my lawyer friend with the case number on the pages... In front of him. Then just tell him to get his stuff and leave and never return.

Redfisher Established Member

Redfisher

Posted
Posted

Give your head a shake...Even if 90% of the stories he tells are true he's still a piece of garbage.... Why on earth would any sane women want this idiot?

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hippychick3 Established Member

hippychick3

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How about you completely cut contact with him, get therapy to help you deal with the break up and your apparent low self-esteem, and move on with your life so you can possibly enter into a healthy real relationship with someone. Pretty much anyone you meet after this dude will be an improvement.

 

There is nothing he could say or do at this point to make a person with any ounce of self-respect or discernment to continue with this ridiculous "relationship".

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genuinelyloverly7 Established Member

genuinelyloverly7

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Thank you both- I'm basically at this point of seeing through it and have been for most of the whole relationship; it was my first attempt at a serious healthy one after a few years of self work following an emotionally manipulative long term relationship. So I'm proud I intellectually saw through it once it started to get fishy; I just wish my emotions were fully on track with my brain. I'm not even over here pining any more. That ended during the "jail time"... I guess I'm mourning the fact that I allowed it to happen to me again. I was and am so ready for a normal relationship.

 

So- I have a bonfire pit and a pile of wood... Can I burn his stuff now?

Redfisher Established Member

Redfisher

Posted
Posted

Yes you can....I hope you catch a real man someday, Cheers.

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hippychick3 Established Member

hippychick3

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Posted
Thank you both- I'm basically at this point of seeing through it and have been for most of the whole relationship; it was my first attempt at a serious healthy one after a few years of self work following an emotionally manipulative long term relationship. So I'm proud I intellectually saw through it once it started to get fishy; I just wish my emotions were fully on track with my brain. I'm not even over here pining any more. That ended during the "jail time"... I guess I'm mourning the fact that I allowed it to happen to me again. I was and am so ready for a normal relationship.

 

So- I have a bonfire pit and a pile of wood... Can I burn his stuff now?

 

I wouldn't burn his stuff...maybe put it in a box outside your garage for him to pick up when you're not home. Give him a deadline or it gets burned or trashed.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. Know you deserve better and please don't allow yourself to get sucked into any more bs he may give you once he realizes you are done.

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KaiKass01 New Member

KaiKass01

Posted
Posted
Thank you both- I'm basically at this point of seeing through it and have been for most of the whole relationship; it was my first attempt at a serious healthy one after a few years of self work following an emotionally manipulative long term relationship. So I'm proud I intellectually saw through it once it started to get fishy; I just wish my emotions were fully on track with my brain. I'm not even over here pining any more. That ended during the "jail time"... I guess I'm mourning the fact that I allowed it to happen to me again. I was and am so ready for a normal relationship.

 

So- I have a bonfire pit and a pile of wood... Can I burn his stuff now?

 

Light the match and say good riddance. Not only will you feel better but you'll also...um.........feel better. :bunny:

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genuinelyloverly7 Established Member

genuinelyloverly7

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I can go almost all day without thinking of him. It's like when I do think of him (once or twice a day maybe) it's sad and I feel the deeper sadness of having been lied to just sitting there, waiting to boil up. But I'm the type that can't get mad, especially not to the person that hurt me. That lack of expressive ability makes me feel weak and like that's my real issue. Or one of them...

 

Other than venting and verifying what I really already knew, I rwanted to know what to do with his stuff at this point... But the bonfire has been approved by a third party ? so that questions been answered.

 

 

I just have to lady up, and cut contact. Tell him not to ever come around and that I know he is a liar and to leave me alone.

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