And Poof he disappeared

[pnwbeachgal]

I have been talking to a guy for the past month. We really hit it off. We were in the process of planning on when we should meet. And then all of sudden I haven't heard from him for 3 days. I have sent him a few texts and no response. I do know that he has a grandmother isn't doing well health wise.

 

I am just frustrated because I was all ready to put in my request at work for time off and then no more contact.

 

Should I give him a call or just wait it out?

[Redfisher]

let him come to you, If not no biggie.

[Wewon]

I have been talking to a guy for the past month. We really hit it off. We were in the process of planning on when we should meet. And then all of sudden I haven't heard from him for 3 days. I have sent him a few texts and no response. I do know that he has a grandmother isn't doing well health wise.

 

Leave him alone, he sounds like a flake.

 

The ball is in his court, if he calls and his excuse doesn't involve him being in the hospital or an issue with his Grandmother I would blow him off.

[preraph]

Three days is not that long when you've not even gone out yet. Probably busy. It may be his grandmother or it may be every chick he passes on the sidewalk. Don't invest too much in this until you find out what he's really like. And if he does flake, it's him, not you.

[Ami1uwant]

If he breaks his communication pattern it's because he had met someone else, likely closer to him that he can easily meet face to face.

[Grewd]

With the amount of information you provide it's too many possible reasons to even find a remotely probable one.

 

Could be something you said. Could be his grandmother. Could be he found someone else. Could be he changed his mind. Could be he broke his fingers and can't type. Could be it took to long. Could be he needs time to reconsider and may come back.

 

I'm sure some of those possibilities will light up for you, but beware that they may be only what you wish it to be. You've already texted him several times without response, you read all your texts right? So does pretty much everyone, so if he haven't answered it's intentionally (for that unknown reason). You should move on, don't live in the hope he'll get back to you. If he does then great, but assume the opposite for your own sake in case he doesn't.

[jonas1235]

post some hot pics on social media and that will get his attention. He either responds or continues to drift and you can move on.

[Zippy2000]

Three days isnt that long. Some people thing daily commication is required but its only 3 days.

 

When it comes up to 6 or 7 days or up to a week. Thats when you should be asking questions,

 

How did you meet this man? Online? Theres not a lot to go on to give you an informed reply.

[Glitters]

He will reappear. What do you want to do with him if he reappeared?

[Gaeta]

It's not the amount of days with no communication that is important to notice here, it's the fact he broke his usual pattern of communication.

 

OP what your guy is doing is typical of a man not totally single. Tons of those online. They just had an argument with their girlfriend, end up online, then ex-girlfriend reappears.

 

You just gave him the ego boost he needed.

[pnwbeachgal]

It's not the amount of days with no communication that is important to notice here, it's the fact he broke his usual pattern of communication.

 

OP what your guy is doing is typical of a man not totally single. Tons of those online. They just had an argument with their girlfriend, end up online, then ex-girlfriend reappears.

 

You just gave him the ego boost he needed.

 

This is true. Well, he did tell me that he is divorced (which may not be true).

He talked on the phone about making plans to visit each other just the other night. He

 

It's just frustrating that I keep having this crap happen to me over and over again. It doesn't matter if they are local or live in another state.

 

I am just going to focus on me for awhile and try another time.

 

And he still does have his profile on the dating site.

[2005tahoe]

Girls do it too, I just went through the same thing. Her uncle died last week, 500 miles away and "nothing" since then. It doesnt take but 5 seconds to send a text

[pnwbeachgal]

Three days isnt that long. Some people thing daily commication is required but its only 3 days.

 

When it comes up to 6 or 7 days or up to a week. Thats when you should be asking questions,

 

How did you meet this man? Online? Theres not a lot to go on to give you an informed reply.

 

I met him on dating site. Besides texting we have actually talked on the phone. He does live about 8 hours away. Last time he talked he was looking at flights to my area. We talked about what days he would come out and times, so it wouldn't interfere with my work schedule.

[CherryVanilla]

I used to talk to a guy who would text me once a week.

 

Don't worry about that.

Let him initiate contact and relax.

[Redhead14]

I have been talking to a guy for the past month. We really hit it off. We were in the process of planning on when we should meet. And then all of sudden I haven't heard from him for 3 days. I have sent him a few texts and no response. I do know that he has a grandmother isn't doing well health wise.

 

I am just frustrated because I was all ready to put in my request at work for time off and then no more contact.

 

Should I give him a call or just wait it out?

 

You never take off from work for a first "date" from OLD. First time you meet them it should be a couple of cups of coffee or drinks to confirm that they are who they say they are and look like their pictures and to see if there is enough interest for a "real" date.

 

Sit this out. Let him pick up the ball if he is going to.

[preraph]

If it happens to you over and over that you're ready to go full steam ahead and always waiting for a sluggish suitor, you're moving too fast with people who are not suitable for you. You need to try not to worry about any of these dudes unless and until they give you adequate time to get to know if they're even worth the worry. If they're sluggish out of the gate, obviously that's when they would be giving you their best behavior IF they cared. So don't try to make it something it isn't. It is what it is. They're not that gung-ho and you might be way premature in expecting it. Try to just focus on having a good time and if someone isn't treating you right from the first, he's not your guy, period.

[katiegrl]

I have been talking to a guy for the past month. We really hit it off. We were in the process of planning on when we should meet. And then all of sudden I haven't heard from him for 3 days. I have sent him a few texts and no response. I do know that he has a grandmother isn't doing well health wise.

 

I am just frustrated because I was all ready to put in my request at work for time off and then no more contact.

 

Should I give him a call or just wait it out?

 

Not sure how you can "hit it off" with a guy you have not met in person yet....but I spose anything is possible.

 

In any event, he may have moved on to someone else. Have read enough stories about on line dating to know that people have so many options, it's very easy to believe you very interested in someone, and then the next day, you're suddenly interested in someone else.

 

That is why IMO it's so important that when you actually meet someone (in person) and you click and want to make a go of it.... you hide your profiles for awhile so as to not get distracted by others.

 

However, in your case, you had not even met in person yet....were simply discussing it.

 

I know it's disappointing but I would just try and forget about it. If he contacts you again, great.... but if not, no biggee, since you had not even met in person yet....it shouldn't be too difficult to simply forget about it and continue dating other guys and just living your life....

[katiegrl]

This is true. Well, he did tell me that he is divorced (which may not be true).

He talked on the phone about making plans to visit each other just the other night. He

 

It's just frustrating that I keep having this crap happen to me over and over again. It doesn't matter if they are local or live in another state.

 

I am just going to focus on me for awhile and try another time.

 

And he still does have his profile on the dating site.

 

Of course he does, and why shouldn't he? Again, you have not even met in person yet.

 

pnwbeachgirl, you sound intense. You're all emotionally wrapped up in some guy you've been chatting with for three week and have not even met yet.

 

Try and scale down the expectations....he may have sensed your intensity and over-investment and freaked (got turned off). Not uncommon.

 

JMO.

[xcupid]

Chances of a long distance relationship like this (if it became one) working are almost nil.

[SugarLips72]

There are alot of flakes in online dating. This is why you don't wait a month to meet someone. All you had was an endless texting relationship. a good rule is once you start talking to someone and determine there is mutual interest, meet up within a week. Even if its a brief meeting for coffee. Anyone serious in wanting to meet you will do it. This guy could have met someone else, or lived with someone for all you know.

[katiegrl]

You never take off from work for a first "date" from OLD. First time you meet them it should be a couple of cups of coffee or drinks to confirm that they are who they say they are and look like their pictures and to see if there is enough interest for a "real" date.

 

Sit this out. Let him pick up the ball if he is going to.

 

The guy lives eight hours away RH..

 

I hardly think someone is gonna get on a plane for eight hours to simply meet for coffee.

 

I don't know why two people who have never met would even consider a LDR.

 

A recipe for disaster IMO....they rarely work, unless a stable loving relationship has already been established prior to becoming long distance.

Edited January 7, 2016 by katiegrl

[TheFinalWord]

I have been talking to a guy for the past month. We really hit it off. We were in the process of planning on when we should meet. And then all of sudden I haven't heard from him for 3 days. I have sent him a few texts and no response. I do know that he has a grandmother isn't doing well health wise.

 

I am just frustrated because I was all ready to put in my request at work for time off and then no more contact.

 

Should I give him a call or just wait it out?

 

I'm sorry, that is a bummer. He will probably contact you.

 

This doesn't help you right now, but I have l recommend meeting as soon as possible going forward. Another problem that can arise in these situations is you can talk for a month via text or phone, you finally meet in person and there is no chemistry.

[Zippy2000]

I met him on dating site. Besides texting we have actually talked on the phone. He does live about 8 hours away. Last time he talked he was looking at flights to my area. We talked about what days he would come out and times, so it wouldn't interfere with my work schedule.

 

Im sorry to hear he disappeared. However to help you through this I ve been through this so many times before.

 

Girls I ve been talking to just disappear after a whikle when they lose the excitment of meeting someone new and then disappear after a month of communciation.

 

The information you provided sounds like the 8 hour gap may be a factor.

 

Hes changed his mind not about you but perhaps about distance. I mean 8 hours is a long time and trying to organise something would be like organising a small holiday.

 

Dont be disheartened though. Its nothing to do with you and its still a few days.

 

Its him for not being man enough to give you an explanation why he chnaged his mind and you are left hanging on.

[Lois_Griffin]

Good lord what a waste of time.

 

 

And to take days off WORK to go meet a stranger? Seriously?

 

 

Sounds as though his wife found out about his secret dating life or he met someone who doesn't have to travel 8 hours just to have coffee with him.

 

 

Don't waste your time.

[Versacehottie]

Hmmm, well OP the fact that you didn't just outright say that you had never met and that he was from online in the first post to me means that even you somewhere deep inside know that part of the "relationship" was imaginary or overblown. I don't want to kick you when you are down and I'm sure 2016 will be much better for you if you actually ADJUST some of the things you have been doing and make changes for the better.

 

First, I am a strong believer that you should never talk or text regularly with someone you have never met or even someone you know before you've gone on the first date. Why? For one, you want to preserve that excitement to be associated with the first date itself!! Then he will transfer it to you. You use up excitement modules wastefully on phone calls/texting/messaging that actually really don't mean much necessarily. I think 15 minute conversation and a few breezy texts or messages about surface-y or non-consequential things. Not making yourself seem boring or superficial but putting little investment into a relationship that "isn't" yet. It lets the guy (or girl) know they have to invest more themselves to get to know you, the you have a significant busy life of your own and that you don't have the tendency to get too dependent--all attractive qualities you get to show by not having TOO MUCH contact.

 

Secondly, you've been acting like a girlfriend or whatever comes right before that with every day (or close to it) contact. This freaks people out. Also intensity is too much. It sucks the life and fun right out of something where the breath of life and fun is EXACTLY what usually sparks the attraction. It begins to feel like an obligation. And from your reaction ("i haven't heard from him in 3 days"), it IS! No fun. It gives him assurance you will be right there since you are already acting "all the way in". Attraction killer.

 

Also in your particular case with this guy a LDR via someone over OLD is a bit of a reach. It would be the EXCEPTION that it works out or even materializes as a first date: treat it as such. Easy, breezy, a bit of fun, a distraction to your day not all in, this is gonna be my bf. He starts sensing that you are too invested and gets real himself about all the things logistically that wouldn't work, coupled with how invested and available you are, he's out--likely that's what happened.

 

Also to not get your heart hurt, assume they are multi-dating until a conversation happens that tells you otherwise. It's not a diss toward you. But the majority of guys seem to have a more pragmatic attitude toward that. They are "dating" not in a relationship. So they are going to go through the options (women) until someone propels them to action of just dating one. I think it makes the most sense not to get disappointed about that until you are in the range where it is appropriate to get disappointed about that. You need to be realistic. More like perhaps 1-2 months into dating, 5-6 dates in, before sex, as you become super close--come up with something that you could tell for example a forum or message board and not get pushback about, ie "i haven't met him and he's still online" you are going to get pushback about. Do you think you could adopt some of these suggestions? I believe in what I'm telling you to do--but you do, no matter what, need to come up with some different approaches and thought processes to get different results.

 

About this guy. You may hear from him. I don't think you should invest much into him. It's a long shot on logistics alone. Good luck