is she telling me the truth

[ajcraw]

We had sex 4 to 6 times a month. We did everything together. She would go braless, wear g strings and dress sexy. She has always been the make-out queen, anytime, anyplace. She was always extremely touchy it is her personality. She would ask for back rubs and foot rubs almost daily. When I would touch her in any way she would tell me how sexy it was and beg me not to stop.

 

 

While working out of town the summer of 2012 I would come home weekends to tears of joy with a braless sexy beautiful woman waiting for me at the air-port and the sex was worth the wait. Now It had been three weeks since I had been home and was greeted with a bra, a reluctant kiss and an expression on her face as if someone had died. Something was way off. I ask what was wrong and she said nothing. I had never had to push for sex but this time I did. The sex was different and distant; it was like she was going through the motions.

 

 

When I went back to work the phone calls started to slow down. While talking to her at night she became annoyed. I would tell her to call me before bed but it became common to text me, night I am tired and going to sleep but her phone data usage showed internet usage till 1:00am.

A week later I came back home again to drive her back with me for a week. I felt like a visitor. She did not want me around her at all. She sent me on errands with the dog and or told me to stay with the dog while she ran errands. We did very little together. At this point we were moving out of a big house into two smaller ones. We then went back to the new home out of town for a week. When we arrived we decided to go out. She was panicking because she could not find her phone. She went upstairs to look for it and I decided to call it like we always do when we lose our phones. I found it vibrating in front of me under some papers. I noticed that my picture while vibrating no longer said “MY GUY” it had been replaced with my name. When I hung up I saw that her wallpaper picture was of the dog taken last Christmas. Her favorite picture of her and I in DC, taken just that May had been replaced. I told her what I saw she played it down saying it meant nothing.

 

 

My job ended a month later and we moved back home into our other new place in which she had been living while I was out of town. The minute we were home she began making comments about not having enough space, this being her space and what I could do and not do. It was like she had been single and I just moved into her space.

 

 

We have always shared an office at home. On Monday three days later she suggested with urgency that we move her home office back to corporate 10 min down the road. This thought was never discussed before. She was out before I was back in.

 

 

When moving her to cooperate I found a new checking account statement that just had her name on it. This was an account I never saw or knew about. When I questioned her she said that it was to save for Christmas. I found this odd, why not open a savings account.

 

 

She had used my computer to look at her Facebook at home and accidently tied my home page to her account Facebook account as default. I do not do Facebook but I would look at her Facebook just to see the kids etc. Within a few days she ended that quickly. She called from the office and told me that she had just changed her password on her Facebook. I ask what the new password was and she said she did not remember but it was one of the few passwords we use. In the same conversation she told me that she opened a twitter account as well. She was flippant and continued to blow me off after several attempts asking what the new password was. Over the next several months I tried every one of our passwords and all variations and nothing worked. Almost a year later she was in my office and wanted to show me something on Facebook using my computer on the big screen. I ask her what her password was and she rattled it off. I was in so much shock that I never really saw what she wanted to show me. With this new password I was able to log into her twitter account which I could not find because she had not used her full name she used part of her maiden name then her last name so unless you knew the exact spelling you could not search her on twitter. The account had nothing in it. I then found a PayPal and an eBay account both using the new password with variations of as her last name and maiden name.

She also told me the day she changed the Facebook passwords that she was going to start deleting Facebook and start a new one. She said she wanted to delete our old client out of town and his wife. The job did not end well. I found out much later that she never did start a new Facebook. She did not start deleting from the beginning or from the end backwards. She deleted stuff from my out of town time frame.

 

 

During this two year span she had several massages, and as always she told me afterwards how great it was and how much she drooled. She still loved touch, just not by me. Pet names like sweetie honey, etc. are not used, now it is just My name.

 

 

She would initiate sex 80% of the time, now it is less than 5%. Sex went from 4 to 6 times per month to once every 4 to 6 weeks. She would get mad every time I would question her about the frequency. When we had sex it seemed like a job on her part. She has always been multi orgasmic and during this time frame I was lectured multiple times that she only needed one orgasm. The more I pushed for additional orgasms, the more she pushed for me to finish. Her facial expressions were not that of pleasure like before, more of disgust, boredom, and or when are you going to finish. It got to the point that I seldom saw her naked. She used to wear g strings and go braless often. I always looked forward to the sleeveless blue shirt because that meant a braless day where ever we went. During this time frame that shirt always had a bra under it.

By the way her hormones are controlled and checked by a MD regularly. She is angry all the time. She stopped sleeping naked.

 

 

She has told everyone that a kiss is not a kiss unless it had tongue. Although she does not kiss me anymore I kiss her quite often. It is such an empty feeling to kiss someone with tongue and get nothing in return. During this time I was never told that I looked nice, hot, sexy etc. She was no longer jealous of anyone and at times felt like she was pushing me toward anyone else but her. She no longer talked about us getting old together. She no longer talked about how she wished we were married younger and had kids together. I have always bought her flowers and got a kiss, hug, and or an “ahhh”. Now I am questioned as to why I bought the flowers, no more gratitude of any kind.

 

 

The business line goes to her phone and clients text her. However, I started to notice her phone records had a lot more of small data being used through the day and night and the business has not grown. I have since learned that this is from sms texts (smart phone to smart phone), instant messaging, tweets, etc. On many occasion during this two-year period she would say things out of the blue like “I never delete any of my texts”. I never thought much of it until I found out how sms really worked. I also found out that apple devices count the number of total texts and deleted texts. During this two-year period, she deleted over three thousand texts.

 

 

Cell records showed that she almost always answered private numbers she never did before. During these two years she guarded it like it was part of her. She never forgot it, never left it any ware. She would take a shower or go to the bathroom and take it with her. Even when she was in the pool it was on the side of the pool at risk of falling in. She was on the phone a lot because of business so it was hard to tell what was personal. She had the phone with her when she mowed the grass and worked in the yard. She would go shopping without me and the phone bill would show that she was surfing the net while she was out. While she was out alone she would very seldom answer my calls. I would call her three or four times in a 1 to 3-hour time frame or more while she was out. She waited until she was around the corner on her way home; then she called me and would apologize, the volume was turned down, on vibrate etc. Phone records showed that most of these times she answered other calls around the same time as the calls of mine she ignored. When answering other calls, the phone would have shown a missed call from me.

 

 

We used to do business meetings together. Now when I ask if she wanted to go with me she said no. When I ask her if she wanted me to go with her to meetings she said no. Then I noticed that some meetings would take her an hour while others of the same type would take 3 plus hours. Her mom lives 75 miles away and she spent more time driving to see her mom during these two years than ever before or after. In these two years she had more time to herself than she did with me.

 

 

During these two years she spent more time at the corporate office than she did when working from home. She started to go shopping after work and on the weekends. I could count the number of times she went shopping by herself before this on less than two hands over a ten-year stretch. She seldom asks and never begged for me to go shopping like before. On several occasions she told me straight up that she did not want me to go with her. Out of the blue on several occasions she said that she thought that we were joined at the hip too much and needed time for herself.

 

 

The new outfits she got for the office without me was quite nice. I started to notice that when she would go shopping or to the office she would do makeup and hair, etc. nothing real big but more than she used to. I found this odd since she claimed to have her door closed all day. She was no longer excited to go out with me, it was like pulling teeth. When she did, she did not take near the time to look or smell as good as she did to go the office or shop by herself. It did not have to be sexy, I would have been happy with an office look. While out she no longer would lean in to talk; she would sit straight up facing forward or look at her phone and no touching. If I touched her I got a negative responsive or none at all

I travel for work and she has always gone alone. We have got to see a lot on the company dime. She started to complain about the travel and told me on many occasions that she would be happy if she never had to do that again. She used the word hate with every one of these conversation and on two occasions stayed home. The little bit we traveled in 2013 she was distant and disconnected and complained most of the time again using the words hate. Nothing was the same touching, kissing etc. all gone. She would get pissed when I showed affection in public and give me little to no response in private.

 

 

She always told me about new Facebook friends. We had gone to a party of her old high school friends and told me that several of the girls Facebook friended her. I do not have her password to Facebook at this time. She did not tell me that she was friended by a guy from the party and friended another guy herself. On one occasion months later I found a friendly conversation with one guy that happened during a family crisis involving the kids while she was giving me major grief.

 

 

She did not want me going to any of her doctors’ appointments anymore. There were no more words of affirmation.

 

 

For these two years she constantly talked about two things almost daily. How guilty she felt about her affair in her previous marriage more than 12 years ago.

 

 

The second question she asked of me almost daily was “if someone very attractive came on to you, could you resist the temptation”. My answer was always yes.

 

 

When I confronted her in Oct of 2014 she immediately became angry and started throwing it back in my face calling me crazy etc. I do not understand anger. For more than two years the lack of touch alone, which is a large part of her personality, is a big red flag especially after I had questioned it so often. After realizing that I was checking up on her she got even more angry.

 

 

When she has been wronged she writes letters, sends texts, and talks to everyone she knows to prove her story. I was allowed to talk about my feelings once on this issue once and was never to bring it up again. Only after realizing that I was snooping did she later tell me that she could see how I thought the Facebook friend was could have been an affair.

Then later she told me that she understood how the lack of touching could generate the feeling of an affair. She did not have any explanations for her actions.

 

 

I need the air cleaned and I need her to come clean. Everyone deserves a do over and she is no exception. I still believe there was some kind of indiscretion. I will not get angry. I will not divorce her. I will not confront the other party, but I need closure to move on. During these two years I have mourned an affair. The flashbacks of her unwavering desire of me, being and dressing sexy, and having wild spontaneous sex are hard to deal with.

 

 

My diary contains twenty some pages of more of the same in detail. She asked to read it, got to page 3 and has never finished it. She acknowledged some little things but nothing big. Things are getting better but I still have no answers. My question to all of you; is that she swears that there was no affair, could she be telling the truth.

 

 

Thanks for listening.

[turnera]

"Wife, I'm done living this life; it's like our marriage has died. I am assuming you've cheated on me. I know all the red flags. I'm willing to schedule a polygraph so we can clear the air and if you go, we'll see what happens from there, depending on whether you tell the truth. If you refuse to go, I'll take that as your unwillingness to save the marriage, and I'll go see a lawyer tomorrow."

[66Charger]

Really? Come on, man.

 

She knows there will be no consequences, so why in the world would she tell you the truth? For your closure? Because you are a good guy? You appear to be the classic do nothing guy. So Just suck it up and let it go. Of course she cheated, but you allowed it. And will continue to allow it. There is no delusion, just you praying that the ocean isnt wet. Why do you ask questons where the answer is so obvious?

 

Thanks for not listening to your own common sense.

[Mr. Lucky]

is she telling me the truth

 

I may need a break from LS because my reaction, before I read your post, was "no".

 

BTW, after reading your post, still "no"...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Mrs. John Adams]

mr lucky...i am right there with you.......

[Marc878]

If you want he truth do a deleted text recovery on her phone.

 

However there are so many red flags here I assume you don't want to know and live in denial.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong.

[happyman64]

What I want to know is if you knew she had an affair in her previous marriage then:

 

 

A: Why did you marry her?

 

 

B: Why would you wait two years full of red flags before you confronted her?

 

 

You knew she was full of crap all this time. You know she is still lying to you.

 

 

get the truth now.

 

 

HM

[Popsicle]

I'm sorry but I fail to see anything in that post that indicates cheating, but rather, a wife that is just not into you sexually anymore. There are plenty of wives who aren't into their husband's anymore but don't cheat on them.

[sidney2718]

I'm sorry but I fail to see anything in that post that indicates cheating, but rather, a wife that is just not into you sexually anymore. There are plenty of wives who aren't into their husband's anymore but don't cheat on them.

 

Well, let's hope that's the situation. But it does not explain the huge number of deleted posts on her iPhone. The data we have seems to point to her having at least one other male friend with benefits.

[BetrayedH]

Just get a GPS and VAR (voice activated recorder) for her car.

[road]

Just get a GPS and VAR (voice activated recorder) for her car.

 

 

Yes those things are a must. Tell her you need her to take a polygraph test.

[Morro72]

At this point what difference does it make whether she's cheating? If your description is accurate this marriage is about as dead as they get. Fix it or put it out of its misery. And knock it off with the diary.

[oldshirt]

How old is your wife?

 

 

Other than the phone guarding and the guarding of social media she sounds a lot like my wife.

 

 

Is she premenopausal/menopausal?

 

 

The previous affair, the guarding of the phone and social media, thousands of deleted texts and asking you if you have an affair if given a good opportunity are bright red flags flapping wildly in the wind. Those are all very strong indicators that she is currently or has been involved with others.

[ShatteredLady]

Can I ask what doctors appointments she has? What appointments did you go to & why? My H only comes with me for serious things.

 

Back when it first started & you were away for 3 weeks did YOU do anything that she could of perceived as bad? Does she trust you?

 

Some women mad at men can send MORE messages to friends than affairs!

 

Is she very 'dramatic' by nature. Was she at the start?

[Chi townD]

Yeah, sorry dude. Too many red flags. But, you need to be certain. I would agree with the GPS and placing a Voice Activated Recorder (VAR) in her car. Go to the hardware store after you purchase the VAR and buy some heavy duty Velcro. When you get the opportunity, use the Velcro on the VAR and secure it under the drivers seat.

 

 

If she's cheating, then most cheaters will conduct their phonecalls in their car when they think it's safe to talk. GPS stick you can hide in the trunk. That way you can track and see if she's going to the places she's actually telling you that she's going to.

 

 

Now, comes the hard part for you. You have to act as if nothing is wrong. The more you accuse her, the more she's going to hide it and be on her guard. If you act like there is absolutely nothing wrong and all is right in the universe, then the more relaxed she's going to become because she thinks you're clueless, and THAT'S when she's going to get sloppy! THAT'S when she's going to make a mistake!

[turnera]

Personally, I'd just move out and file. You have CLEARLY been replaced and someone else is getting all that vibrancy you once enjoyed. The ONLY way you will ever get that back is by moving on, filing, letting her see YOU enjoying a life without HER. Basic psychology.

[ajcraw]

How old is your wife?

 

 

Other than the phone guarding and the guarding of social media she sounds a lot like my wife.

 

 

Is she premenopausal/menopausal?

 

 

The previous affair, the guarding of the phone and social media, thousands of deleted texts and asking you if you have an affair if given a good opportunity are bright red flags flapping wildly in the wind. Those are all very strong indicators that she is currently or has been involved with others.

 

 

she is 54 and looks like she is 39

she was premenopausal and had no sex drive at 49 natural hormone therapy fixed that. Her hormones are balanced every 6 months by a md. All this crap happened over a two year time frame. She spent more time away from home that she did at home. It was very clear that she did not want me around. It took me 18 months to change my business plan so I would not go belly up if she left, she is a major clog in the family business. During these two years not once did she tell me she was glad I was home, no kissing no affirmations of love and no touching. She said that we were joined at the hip too much and she needed her time. all my questions during these two years were met with anger. When I finally told her that I thought she was having an affair she really blew up and things started to change back. 4 weeks after the confrontation she kissed me and truly had sex for the first time in two years. It was as if someone flipped a switch to turn my marriage off and two years later turned it back on.

[ajcraw]

Can I ask what doctors appointments she has? What appointments did you go to & why? My H only comes with me for serious things.

 

Back when it first started & you were away for 3 weeks did YOU do anything that she could of perceived as bad? Does she trust you?

 

Some women mad at men can send MORE messages to friends than affairs!

 

Is she very 'dramatic' by nature. Was she at the start?

 

 

we use to do all dr appoints her md is a family friend. but these two years had heart issues, neck surgery, and a hysterectomy. all were quick and turned out great. I fought to keep her down after coming home. she did not tell the nurses that I was her husband they thought I was her son and I met the doctor on the day of surgery and I had to fight to even be there for the surgery, her reason was that nothing was serious. she has never been dramatic.

[Buckeye2]

When I finally told her that I thought she was having an affair she really blew up and things started to change back. 4 weeks after the confrontation she kissed me and truly had sex for the first time in two years. It was as if someone flipped a switch to turn my marriage off and two years later turned it back on.

 

 

She took you for granted (because you're a stable nice guy), had an affair, then realized that she could lose you and grow old alone. She will never admit the affair no matter how much circumstantial evidence you have because that may cause you to dump her. Her goal is to grow old with a nice guy like you.

 

The way I see it you have two choices to find out the truth. A polygraph of filing for divorce. Filing for divorce changes the dynamic. The reason for the divorce would be due to her not telling the truth and not for the affair. Then coming clean can save the marriage instead of ending it. You can file and then change your mind.

 

She is 54

 

 

From the TV show House. Wilson's ex wants to get back together:

 

 

Wilson: People change, House.

 

House: Sure. They get older, ovaries start drying up, and nice guys like you look attractive again.

Edited January 7, 2016 by Buckeye2

[ShatteredLady]

Having heart issues, neck surgery (wow! So painful) & a hysterectomy (psychologically that's a hit) could all seriously effect her on many different levels. I'm no stranger to pain & surgery recovery.

 

Did the neck surgery completely relieve all of her pain? Often it doesn't. Living with chronic pain before & after surgery is horrible.

 

I'm very laid-back, level headed (to family & friends) I haven't told anyone this before but I mourned that "I wasn't a proper woman anymore" with hysterectomy. I'd NEVER admit that. I had no intentions of having any more children & I'm not even sure that my body could physically carry another child to term but I also got sad because I COULDN'T have any more children.

 

It seems like she's been going through a LOT.

 

Did anything happen those weeks you were away when she changed? Was she sick? Stressed? Learnt of health condition etc?

 

 

does she open-up & talk about her health issues a lot?

[ShatteredLady]

What's that about the nurses thinking that you were her son? I don't really understand your point? Do you think that has anything to do with all of it?

[ajcraw]

Having heart issues, neck surgery (wow! So painful) & a hysterectomy (psychologically that's a hit) could all seriously effect her on many different levels. I'm no stranger to pain & surgery recovery.

 

Did the neck surgery completely relieve all of her pain? Often it doesn't. Living with chronic pain before & after surgery is horrible.

 

I'm very laid-back, level headed (to family & friends) I haven't told anyone this before but I mourned that "I wasn't a proper woman anymore" with hysterectomy. I'd NEVER admit that. I had no intentions of having any more children & I'm not even sure that my body could physically carry another child to term but I also got sad because I COULDN'T have any more children.

 

 

 

 

It seems like she's been going through a LOT.

 

Did anything happen those weeks you were away when she changed? Was she sick? Stressed? Learnt of health condition etc?

 

 

does she open-up & talk about her health issues a lot?

 

 

 

 

nothing happened while I was out of town. she was stressed running the business and doing the parts of the business I could not do out of town and we were downsizing the home. The neck surgery had to do with a small bump that ended up being nothing. the hysterectomy had to do with cysts that can become cancer. she was a little uneasy not being able to carry a child again because that was the best time of her life. not having period anymore she was thrilled and with the hormone treatments now everything downtown is like she is 18 again. since she was extremely sexual that overshadowed the rest. she is very open about her health.

the heart issue soon enough that is minor as long as she takes one pill the rest of her life and so far that is working.

 

 

the issues I had with the doctors apts was that going in all were thought to be serious and she did not want me to go. The bigger issue was that these apts. that should have taken 30 min to 2 hours were 3 to 5 hours long so she says. the missing of time frames and the inability for me to get a hold of her while she was out was insane.

[TX-SC]

The number of red flags here is amazing. She has cheated in the past and may still be doing so. Continue to search for evidence, but you need to assume at this point that she has indeed cheated and that she continues to do so. Protect yourself and see a lawyer to discuss options. You don't have to file, and if you do file, you can change your mind at any time.

[Bryanp]

It seems quite obvious that she is cheating and playing you for some sort of a fool. I would suggest:

1. Get tested for STD's.

2. See an attorney to understand your options.

 

If you don't respect yourself then who will?

 

Good Luck.

[I4givehim]

Once a cheater always a cheater... Sorry!!