shac Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I am a woman and I've never did any of these things I've never thanked someone for having a great date and taking me out. It's so like predictable. Why to thank someone? I think it's man's obligation to make you feel good and take you out and pay for things in a couple of first dates. Why would I give him a confirmation in textual format? If I like him, I will kiss him or kiss him back and go home with the smile on my face. I've never waited for a guy to text me first for a couple of days if I was into him- Beacause I am a straight foward person. If I like someone I text them and ask them out second time. He made a first move, I make the second one. Or I just text them something we talked about because he went on my mind in the next 48h out of the blue. If he doesn't reply in a couple of hours, I call it off and move on. If he replies I ask him out. And I never expect a guy to text me a good moring text, good night text or whatever. Why do women like that? To me that is a massive turn off. Recieving a text next morning "Wishing you a good morning" "Hey beautiful, how was your day? Rest well good night!" Actually I find all of these things repulsing? I wonder how men feel about this when a woman does all of these predictable things. Am I being to harsh? I mean I don't find those things interesting. If I like someone I do something about it and show interest, then I back off and observe later. I am really tired of hearing all those rules people invented. It's like 80% of men I dated recently have a pattern. They have the same behaviour and it really turns me off. I prefer spontaneous persons.
basil67 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Regarding the thanking thing: I thank people who have me over for a cup of tea. I thank my husband if he cooks me a nice meal. I thank my kids if they do chores. I thank my hubby for an excellent evening if we go on a date night. Do any of these things *need* to be thanked? No. But is it nice to be thanked? Yes. I don't work because I have to care for my son. Part of my 'job' involves cooking each night. Yes, it's an obligation. But I sure do appreciate a thank you when I cook a fabulous meal. Perhaps I'm old fashioned, but I was raised to say 'thank you' for anyone who does anything nice for me. To me, it's just good manners.
Author shac Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) Regarding the thanking thing: I thank people who have me over for a cup of tea. I thank my husband if he cooks me a nice meal. I thank my kids if they do chores. I thank my hubby for an excellent evening if we go on a date night. Do any of these things *need* to be thanked? No. But is it nice to be thanked? Yes. I don't work because I have to care for my son. Part of my 'job' involves cooking each night. Yes, it's an obligation. But I sure do appreciate a thank you when I cook a fabulous meal. Perhaps I'm old fashioned, but I was raised to say 'thank you' for anyone who does anything nice for me. To me, it's just good manners. Wait! Thank people you care about is normal thing to do! But thanking a random guy who you don't know well in the same night for thanking him for a great date? "Thanks for the great date. :o" To me it seems like people nowdays are becoming a lot of insecure and always like confirmation and almost everybody has the same dating patterns. Nobody is unique lately? At least not the guys I meet. They all act the same after the first dates regarding the communication in between the dates and I get turned off. I've read couple of threads in here and all the threads in a couple of 3, 4 dates are like all the same. "we went out, i've thanked him, he texted me 3 days later" "he texted me 6 days later to go out on the weekend" "on 3rd date we slept together" "he texted me good morning, good night" After a 4 weeks!! He stopped doing all of that, why???? He doesn't make contact. I tried to text couple of times asking him whats wrong, nothing! Edited January 5, 2016 by shac
basil67 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) Wait! Thank people you care about is normal thing to do! But thanking a random guy who you don't know well in the same night for thanking him for a great date? "Thanks for the great date. :o" To me it seems like people nowdays are becoming a lot of insecure and always like confirmation and almost everybody has the same dating patterns. Nobody is unique lately? At least not the guys I meet. They all act the same after the first dates regarding the communication in between the dates and I get turned off. I also thank complete strangers for treating me nicely. I don't care if it's a person in the supermarket or a guy who's put a lot of effort into taking one on a date. I also wave my thanks at fellow drivers who let me into their lane. If it's friend, family, date or stranger. Saying thanks is simply good manners. Edited January 5, 2016 by basil67 repitition 2
Author shac Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 My point is that I am hearing the same stories over and over again with the same patterns of behaviour which ends up in my friend's getting no selfesteem or ruins her/theirs confidence. I thank people saying that to them to their face spontaneously. Not texting them after a date. I like communication face to face and smiling when I say that to someone who probably likes me. I don't like texting, I don't like dating rules, maybe that is why I am still single
Shining One Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 It's basic politeness. I'm about as far from traditional as you can get, but I believe in thanking people for their kindness and generosity, no matter how big or small. I went to the mall a couple weeks ago and a little boy held the door open for me. I thanked him for it. Every time a woman has treated me on a date, I've thanked her. Most of the women I've dated thanked me for treating them.I think it's man's obligation to make you feel good and take you out and pay for things in a couple of first dates. Why would I give him a confirmation in textual format? If I like him, I will kiss him or kiss him back and go home with the smile on my face.I don't believe either gender has any obligations when it comes to dating, so that can explain the difference in our views. 1
basil67 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I don't believe either gender has any obligations when it comes to dating, so that can explain the difference in our views. Nailed it. 1
basil67 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 My point is that I am hearing the same stories over and over again with the same patterns of behaviour which ends up in my friend's getting no selfesteem or ruins her/theirs confidence. How does thanking a person ruin a one's self esteem? I thank people saying that to them to their face spontaneously. Not texting them after a date. I like communication face to face and smiling when I say that to someone who probably likes me. If I went on a date and came home on cloud nine, still thrilled about the evening, I can easily imagine sending a thank you text. When we were early dating, I once sent my hubby (then boyfriend) flowers after a fabulous weekend of shagging and dating. We didn't have text back then I don't like texting, I don't like dating rules, maybe that is why I am still single I much prefer a phone call over text - but I can't see how this would be a real issue. And I've broken every dating rule there is and still dated successfully.
fitnessfan365 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 If he doesn't reply in a couple of hours, I call it off and move on. Wow.. Talk about needy, impatient, and high maintenance behavior. Not everyone is attached to their phone. For example, when I'm working my phone is nowhere near me. My GF may send me a text and I won't even see it for 4-6hrs after it was sent. Also, with how rigid and systematic your whole post is, I find it really ironic that you claim to love spontaneity. 1
Author shac Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 I prefer phonecalls too!! I prefer doing things like your flower then just a couple of words!! I'd buy a guy a beer next time and say "No, this time is on me I have a good time with you" I prefer actions more then words... Maybe that is why you are reading my silly post and wonder what I am trying to say... Back in my day when I started to go out with guys and had first crushes. There was no texting! Now you are approchable 24/7 and when someone doesn't texts you or thanks you...people have 100 question marks above their head. Idk... and facebook! I cut that all things off for now...People make confusions out of nothing.
Author shac Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 Wow.. Talk about needy, impatient, and high maintenance behavior. Not everyone is attached to their phone. For example, when I'm working my phone is nowhere near me. My GF may send me a text and I won't even see it for 4-6hrs after it was sent. Also, with how rigid and systematic your whole post is, I find it really ironic that you claim to love spontaneity. If someone reads your message and doesn't respond in a couple of hours when its read and you see it's read. I don't think that person is interested enough. Sorry! I reply to my messages if I open them...always and say something or just two words if i am extremly busy, so.... It just turns me off. A guy who doesn't reply when he reads...I get cold feet
Shining One Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 If someone reads your message and doesn't respond in a couple of hours when its read and you see it's read. I don't think that person is interested enough. Sorry!How do you know they read your message? The SMS protocol does not support read receipts.
thecrucible Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 If someone reads your message and doesn't respond in a couple of hours when its read and you see it's read. I don't think that person is interested enough. Sorry! I reply to my messages if I open them...always and say something or just two words if i am extremly busy, so.... It just turns me off. A guy who doesn't reply when he reads...I get cold feet Not everyone is like that. I never reply to messages straight away - it's just what I'm like. I just hate texting and I like to think about it for longer before I reply so I feel in the right mood to reply. I am just weird. Knowing what I am like, I don't expect a reply straight away from a guy. Also in reply to the original post, I always thank a man for a date. I've gotten more into the habit of showing that I appreciate the gesture (not going over the top though!) than I did previously. I will usually thank him in person and often text him thank you afterwards. This doesn't necessarily mean I want another date but it's the polite thing to do. If I thank him by text, I'll do it straight after the date because it's kind of cute and then the ball is in his court if he's interested in seeing me again.
thecrucible Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 How do you know they read your message? The SMS protocol does not support read receipts. It could be iPhone messenger or Facebook app - they both show read receipts I believe.
Versacehottie Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 And I never expect a guy to text me a good moring text, good night text or whatever. Why do women like that? To me that is a massive turn off. Recieving a text next morning "Wishing you a good morning" "Hey beautiful, how was your day? Rest well good night!" Actually I find all of these things repulsing? I am really tired of hearing all those rules people invented. It's like 80% of men I dated recently have a pattern. They have the same behaviour and it really turns me off. I prefer spontaneous persons. I agree^^^ with the above about good morning, good night texts as a routine. The dumbest thing I have ever heard of in dating. If it is an expected routine it actually has lost the meaning of being spontaneous. The good morning one is truly retarded. They serve no real purpose but guys now feel like they have to do them and girls expect to get them--another layer of confusion and meaningless behavior. It's weird. Actually if a guy did those to me, I would be off him right away. So completely boring and uninspired. The thank you text after a date does serve a purpose. I think it's important to thank anyone after an evening out together (or whatever). Friends/dates/bfs. It does serve a purpose now (even though it is a bit of a silly "routine" that has developed--silly because people are different and so anything rote is boring and uninspired). But it does serve a purpose because it lets the guy know you are interested (or even directly if you are not, you can just say it). It's a first contact after the date so it keeps the momentum going if there is to be any. Gives the guy reassurance. That said, people are different so it sucks to see a girl who didn't send a thank you text then the guy thinks she isn't interested because she isn't playing by the "rules". But hey maybe it's a sign that her manners aren't that evolved either.
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Shac To some extent I agree with you. I don't like texting. I think saying Thank you & kissing the guy good night should be enough. However, somewhere along the way, "the rules" changed. A woman sends the post-date thank you text as a signal that she is open to further communication. It's in effect giving the man permission to contact her again. As a woman if you expect a guy to take the dominant roll in the beginning -- planning & paying for the date -- it's concurrently incumbent upon you to make it easier on him. It's scary to have risk those 1st few asks, wondering if you will be rejected. That thank you text is a green light. So while it may not be your favorite form of communication, if you like a guy, make it easier on him. Play along. 1
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