Got dumped and ex is angry at me for flirting with someone else.

[greatsauce1]

Hey. I made a thread about a month ago, where i described a scenario in which my partner of 3 years decided to leave me because she was no longer feeling happy and fulfilled. Which I can understand because we were in kind of a rut and she was also extremely lazy and I could never get her out of the house to do fun stuff, because all she wanted to do mostly was watch TV. But I still loved her dearly.

 

However I was adviced to engage in no contact, and I did for about a week where we then got back in touch, and became what some would call "Fbuddies", we acted exactly like we were in a relationship, but when I asked her if we could go back together she repeatedly told me she had to be "just her". And that was fine, I started looking for other girls (not very successfully tho). And at this new year I was at a friends party, and I flirted with a particular girl there pretty openly, and at this party a friend of my ex were present and observed this - Ofcourse my ex hears about this, but also in a very exaggerated form. The next day she sends me the most cruel texts and tells me to leave her alone and get the **** out of her life for good etc, I tried to tell her that nothing happend and it was just flirting for fun and it doesnt mean anything, but she repeatedly stated to leave her alone!!! and seemingly dont believe me that nothing more happend no matter how many times I've said it. It was like getting dumped all over pretty much and hurt just as much if not more.

 

Now I'm back to no-contact, but more or less on her terms. I feel like I still want to have contact with her, maybe because I feel a bit lonely and dont know any other girls.. but she tells me she wants nothing to do with me.

 

I kind of feel very bad, and guilty because I flirted with this girl at newyears, but then im thinking I shouldnt because after all, she dumped me, and I was single, she also choose to keep engaging in sexual activities.

I feel like im completely alone now, I dont have anything and getting back in touch with her seems like an impossible task, and I really miss her because I havent seen her in a while now.. How should I look at this and what should I do now? I feel so bad about this whole situation.. She clearly doesnt want anything to do with me.

[central]

It's time to stick to NC, and not be her doormat. She is not worth your attention, and it sounds like she is not a very nice person. You can do better. Yes, you may love her, but do you have a sufficient basis of comparison from prior dating to really know what that means? Still, love is not enough - there has to be a wide range of real compatibility for a relationship to work and to last - yours lacked that.

[mightycpa]

Sounds like she just needed a little push to finish it off. She got it.

 

Kinda sounds like you could use a little one too. Might as well make this incident the push you needed too.

[Chi townD]

See folks! This is a prime example on why NC is so important.

 

 

Here's the problem you have, dude. Our Ex's don't want us. But, in a weird way, they don't want anyone else to have us either. You were her back up plan. You were fulfilling her emotional needs AND her physical needs without actually being connected or labeled with you. But, trust me, she was on the lookout for your replacement. And when she would have found him, the "FWB" situation would have stopped and so would all of her texts and phonecalls. You would have found out about the new guy and been all butt hurt about it, but she would have told you, "Well, we weren't together! So, you can't get mad at me!" Then, she would have skipped off guilt free!

 

 

But, you through a monkey wrench into her plans. She didn't expect you to move on without her.

[Space Ritual]

OP,

 

she was happy to keep you around for a FWB situation as long as it was on HER terms.

 

That is the applicable word here HER.

 

See, it's all well and good if she is calling all the shots. she gets to keep you around as Plan B for when she needs to feel the complacency that she felt with you, as you are like her Macaroni and Cheese, a comfort food of sorts. she can eat a heaping helping of you when she needs to feel like everything is right with the world.

 

But that Macaroni and cheese better never be too spicy, because you showing interest in someone else made the Mac And Cheese full of Tabasco sauce. It's burning her tongue because you changed up the recipe so she is going to threaten to toss you into the dog dish if you don't go back to just being her bland Kraft Brand.

 

Its an odd way of saying that you are not following her script and she wants you to be her lapdog and pine for her like a schoolboy while she plays the field, and you are to accept her crumbs she throws at you gratefully.

 

Stay no contact with her. don't have any contact with her at all. That way you won't get hurt again. Let her cook her own selfish meals in her own kitchen.

[sandylee1]

Good to you for flirting and getting your mojo back. .. Block her number and go total NC. Let her be ,'just her'.

 

Some people want it all.

[greatsauce1]

It's totally awesome to see some replies her, you guys really opened my eyes to see it from another perspective so I'm very thankful for that, believe me it helps! and throwing monkey wrenches is kind of my specialty..

 

So right before I started this thread, she was delivering a package to me which was a pokerset of chips and cards which she had borrowed from me previously, I asked her to come in with it through text and give it face to face, but she left it outside the door and sent me a text that the package was delivered and left instantly. I went down to get it, and let me tell you, you're certain a relationship is over when you hold your breath while opening it to protect yourself from potential anthrax. She also told me right before "I want nothing to do with you" so delivering this was kind of the nail in the coffin and the last thing missing so it's a pretty clear message to me. I told her through text after "Ok;p I've got it, thanks. Goodbye." and she didnt reply, that was that, done. I was ready to try putting this on the backburner.

 

But funny thing happend, last night she texted me at around 23:00 completly randomly out of the blue and wrote "I hope you're able to understand why it is like this 'myname'...". Now what the **** is that about? I havent replied to it and I'm guessing I should just leave it. I'm sick of this.

[Chi townD]

 

But funny thing happend, last night she texted me at around 23:00 completly randomly out of the blue and wrote "I hope you're able to understand why it is like this 'myname'...". Now what the **** is that about? I havent replied to it and I'm guessing I should just leave it. I'm sick of this.

 

 

 

Guilt on her part. Nothing more than that. The way she's handling everything is a little hurtful and immature. And she's realizing this.

 

 

See, with a lot of girls (Not all, but a lot) can't stand the fact that there might be a person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they are a nice person. Drives them insane. She's realizing that she's treating you pretty crappy about the whole thing and she's feeling a little guilty.

 

 

So, she sent you that text basically to justify her behavior and put the blame on you. Basically that text is REALLY saying, "I hope you realize that I'm acting this way as a direct result of what YOU did."

 

 

Dude, just ignore it and move on.

[Space Ritual]

It's totally awesome to see some replies her, you guys really opened my eyes to see it from another perspective so I'm very thankful for that, believe me it helps! and throwing monkey wrenches is kind of my specialty..

 

So right before I started this thread, she was delivering a package to me which was a pokerset of chips and cards which she had borrowed from me previously, I asked her to come in with it through text and give it face to face, but she left it outside the door and sent me a text that the package was delivered and left instantly. I went down to get it, and let me tell you, you're certain a relationship is over when you hold your breath while opening it to protect yourself from potential anthrax. She also told me right before "I want nothing to do with you" so delivering this was kind of the nail in the coffin and the last thing missing so it's a pretty clear message to me. I told her through text after "Ok;p I've got it, thanks. Goodbye." and she didnt reply, that was that, done. I was ready to try putting this on the backburner.

 

But funny thing happend, last night she texted me at around 23:00 completly randomly out of the blue and wrote "I hope you're able to understand why it is like this 'myname'...". Now what the **** is that about? I havent replied to it and I'm guessing I should just leave it. I'm sick of this.

 

People always want to feel they have to have the last word as some kind of reclamation of power. You ever notice duirng heated arguments in the course of your lifetime somebody will come back and say "And Another thing...."and launch into some moronic tirade about your appearance or something you did to them when you were kids? Always some sort of Jab.

 

In this case she wants to have the last word because she wants you to be aware of what a prize she is. And that young man, is all you need to know.

 

Matter of fact, she is a prize worth returning....with your silence. I can't think of another thing that gets people's goats more than being ignored.

[greatsauce1]

Guilt on her part. Nothing more than that. The way she's handling everything is a little hurtful and immature. And she's realizing this.

 

 

See, with a lot of girls (Not all, but a lot) can't stand the fact that there might be a person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they are a nice person. Drives them insane. She's realizing that she's treating you pretty crappy about the whole thing and she's feeling a little guilty.

 

 

So, she sent you that text basically to justify her behavior and put the blame on you. Basically that text is REALLY saying, "I hope you realize that I'm acting this way as a direct result of what YOU did."

 

 

Dude, just ignore it and move on.

 

 

Thanks, I think you're really onto something here, I dont know but it just makes so much sense to me.

 

Sorry to keep harping on about this, but I must get the opinion of you guys on this one. I havent responded to her last text, she also tried messaging me on skype with a simple "Hello?" which I didnt reply to either. But this one takes the cake; She just texted me this. "Going around and telling people that you were the one that broke up with me and stuff? Why do you do that?" and what makes this so incredibly ridiculous is that I havent told a single person that I broke up with her, and I'm 100% certain of this. Even tho I could see why someone would say something like that, I havent done it. Matter of fact I havent spoken badly of her to anyone at all, not even my closest friend. Do I just keep ignoring or what? I'm wondering who told her this, but most likely it's just made up by her, I dont know but I feel very provoked to do something..

[basil67]

Wow, sounds like you dodged a bullet with this girl. She is a living example of "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". Even if it was her that broke up with you in the first place.

 

The thing you need to do now is tell your phone to block all calls and messages from her number. If you haven't already, unfriend her on social media. And if you see her coming at you via mutual friends, you may have to unfriend them too. Unless that mutual friend was one of your close friends originally - in which case you could talk with them about what's going on - hopefully they will unfriend her.