Northwestern1011 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 I grew up super religious, so maybe I never developed a good gauge for figuring out what the average is. And even then, I know it changes--I know the amount of time a typical 30 year old is willing to wait is different than a 23 year old. How long do most men in their late 20s or early 30s expect to date a woman before she's willing to sleep with him? Personally I just don't see how someone can be comfortable being that vulnerable with someone on like the 3rd date, or without having them tested first. Like not only your safety but your health is at risk. Opinions, averages, ages appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Samhain Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 I don't think there is a "time limit" as to when it would be OK, everybody is different. I'm more of the opinion "If it feels right, do it" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 mmmm, it varied widely for me. If i had to average it out, it is probably ~5 dates and I always insisted on a round of tests before any sex. I'm in my early 40's and the women I dated were usually in the 35 - 45 range if that helps. All that being said - I will tell you that it was my experience that women in that range (and maybe it is just a 35+ thing) are far more forward regarding sex. They know what they want, when they want it and what they don't want. I found it refreshing honestly. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 How long do most men in their late 20s or early 30s expect to date a woman before she's willing to sleep with him? i'd say a month or two Link to post Share on other sites
deckard11 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 I always heard it's after the 3rd date. Link to post Share on other sites
dobielover Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Anywhere from first date to five dates. After that, I'd expect him to get bored and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 When I was dating again in my mid-40s, I was willing to wait a while (maybe as much as a month or two) for sex. In EVERY case (over a dozen), the women initiated having sex on the second or third date (only one waited until the fourth). I even turned a couple down, because by then I knew there was no potential for any kind of relationship with them, and felt it would be a mistake even if they wanted it just recreationally. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 two or three weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Historically, through LTR's and being M, it ran between 6 and 10 weeks of regular dating. 'Regular', for myself, was seeing a lady at least once a week. The only exception was one particular lady whom I met in Odessa when I was there for a few weeks and, well, we got along really well and spent a lot of time with each other (holiday period) so it evolved sooner. In that case, she made the choice to take it sexual. Since she was a grandmother, I respected it Link to post Share on other sites
Leucine Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 By the third date, postpone it any further without making an advance and most modern young adults will just get bored and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 I've found that the more I genuinely care about a woman, the longer I like to wait. Whenever I've rushed into sex, it was always because I knew there wasn't a deep connection. Even though my GF and I were all over each other from the beginning, we waited two months after we were exclusive to have actual sex. We said "I love you' to each other for the first time on New Year's Eve. Only woman I've ever been in love with. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 We said "I love you' to each other for the first time on New Year's Eve. Only woman I've ever been in love with. Congrats !! Link to post Share on other sites
WhirlwindGuy Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Out of 4 to 6 individual women ive dated this past year, most have been by the 2cd to 4th date. The girl I decided to go exclusive with, we still haven't had sex, and we have been dating around 7 weeks. She is much more traditional though. We are potentially taking a business trip together this weekend, so I have a feeling it may happen then, if the trip works out. What is cool about her is that I honestly don't even care. We have been getting to know each other in every other way. We have had pretty passionate make out sessions and groped it up, but holding out on the sex has kind of been refreshing in a way. Link to post Share on other sites
Redfisher Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Third or fourth date has been my norm. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 I've found that the more I genuinely care about a woman, the longer I like to wait. Whenever I've rushed into sex, it was always because I knew there wasn't a deep connection. I second this 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 I always heard it's after the 3rd date. Yeah. Conventional dating wisdom is often misleading often but people do seem to adhere to 'sex on the 3rd date' on average. There are interesting follow-up questions. 1. Do people do it because it is conventional wisdom? 2. Or do people do it because the amount of escalation it takes to go from strangers to having sex happens to usually span 3 dates? Link to post Share on other sites
TheArtist Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Really?! 3 dates is the average? I like to wait until there's a proper connection going on before we see each other's pants. Kissing is all good at any time though. I've made some girlfriends wait a month before we did anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 It really depends on the guy, anywhere from 1 date to 6 weeks. Whenever it feels right. Link to post Share on other sites
strawberryshortstack Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 When it feels right. There isn't a specific time frame I wait - it has to feel like the right time for both of us. Link to post Share on other sites
venusishername Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) I grew up super religious, so maybe I never developed a good gauge for figuring out what the average is. And even then, I know it changes--I know the amount of time a typical 30 year old is willing to wait is different than a 23 year old. How long do most men in their late 20s or early 30s expect to date a woman before she's willing to sleep with him? I think religious convictions can certainly alter the 'gauge' of what average is. I also disagree with you about a man's willingness to wait increasing as he ages. I'm in my early 30s, and the men worth being intimate with and risking pregnancy among other things... are the ones who don't make you feel pressured or feeling as if you have to prove your worth. I wish I could counsel all women that sex isn't a golden ticket and not a power play. Once you realize that, these types of questions you are asking won't even come up. I'm a woman and to be honest, I could care less how long a man is 'willing to wait' to have sex with me. I realize that this is unimportant. But to try and answer your question, and taking the gender factor out of it, I think most people in their late twenties and early thirties would likely hope to have sex with someone they are dating within a month's time. I used to have occasional no strings attached sex following my last breakup. This went on for a couple years. I didn't really put much emphasis on waiting to sleep with someone because I wasn't interested in building a real relationship with someone at that point. Easy come, easy go. When I met my current boyfriend, circumstances prevented us from having sex until over a month of dating. I didn't sleep with him until I was sure that we were exclusive. However, I know that he wasn't willing to walk away from or risk losing the relationship with me because he was expecting to have sex with me sooner. I was ok with that happening, if he walked away because I knew what I was looking for. That's the most important thing. Bottom line: I think that a person who is interested in a serious, meaningful, exclusive relationship (man or woman) is willing to wait longer than the person who isn't. In my opinion it's probably the biggest indicator of a person's intentions. Speaking from personal experience, some men will walk away after the first date if you don't sleep with them. I decided to increase the number of dates I went on by waiting for sex. It worked! Good luck! Edited January 5, 2016 by venusishername Link to post Share on other sites
deckard11 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Yeah. Conventional dating wisdom is often misleading often but people do seem to adhere to 'sex on the 3rd date' on average. There are interesting follow-up questions. 1. Do people do it because it is conventional wisdom? 2. Or do people do it because the amount of escalation it takes to go from strangers to having sex happens to usually span 3 dates? I wouldn't know since I've never even been on a date with a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 This is one of those things where an average is meaningless and a bit misguided if you're hoping to adjust your behavior based on some data. If you sampled 100 ppl you might get 50 commitment-oriented ppl who waited 6 months and 50 casual sex ppl who went at it on the first date, but does that mean you should wait 3 months? No, you should do it - like they did - when you're comfy with it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Agree the average is not informative here. My rule has been if i'mready to kiss/make out, i'm ready for sex. Else it is playing games. I'd not let a man in close proximity if I'm at least not contemplating the idea of sex. This is one of those things where an average is meaningless and a bit misguided if you're hoping to adjust your behavior based on some data. If you sampled 100 ppl you might get 50 commitment-oriented ppl who waited 6 months and 50 casual sex ppl who went at it on the first date, but does that mean you should wait 3 months? No, you should do it - like they did - when you're comfy with it. Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 When it feels right but that depends on the dating situation and how comfortable you are with each other. It has to feel like he has made some degree of effort to get there. But never tell him how long it has taken with previous boyfriends as that just opens a can of worms. Link to post Share on other sites
Take_Care Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 I don't believe there is a time frame when you should have sex. However, I do believe you should date someone who is comfortable waiting until you are ready & understands/respects your background. I'm a strong believer in carpe diem. If it feels right then it should happen naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts