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Posted

So I've been dating this girl for around 6 months. She is physically my type. But I am still trying to figure her out. She seems a little more higher maintance than I'm used to and she has started asking me for things that she should pay for, like her make up and stuff. She also always expects me to pay for most things like food shopping(we don't live together by the way) and never insists on ever contributing when we go out.

 

Now I agree that the man should pay for dinner dates most of the time, but I don't like it when women just assume that the guys gonna just pay for everything.

 

I've never refused to pay because I probably would anyway but I like a balance. With my last long term girlfriend things were different. She got me more expensive birthday and xmas gifts and we would always usually match the value in gifts for each other.

 

She specifically asked me for a expensive xmas gift that I got her but she only got me a cheap jumper.

 

And is now asking me to spend more on expensive things in the sales.

 

I haven't offered to buy her anything she is just now asking me for stuff.

 

Do you think she is a gold digger based in what I've told you?

 

And just for the record she tells me how good looking I am a 100000000 times a day wants to be with me all the time and says that she loves me( just thought I'd throw that in there)

 

What do you all think?

Posted

Hmm, I dunno, maybe she just has no tact when it comes to finances? But I would never, ever, EVER ask a man to pay for my make up, unless I request it as a birthday or special occasion gift.

 

So have you talked to her about it? She obviously has a different idea of what men should pay for.

  • Like 2
Posted

Do you make a hefty salary that she knows about?

 

I would never in a million years ask a man to buy something for me and when my bf offers to it makes me uncomfortable, but he loves doing it so I am adjusting.

 

I knew guys that had gfs like this - buy me this buy me that, I always thought that was so shocking but it's more common than I thought. Not enough info to detect if she's after your money but regardless I find that so unattractive. Why can't she buy it herself?

 

What's your job vs hers and lifestyle, age?

  • Like 2
Posted

She sounds like more of an opportunistic scavenger than a gold digger. (Pay for her make up, really?) If she sees that you are buying her the things she asks for then she will become bolder and more expectant because you are making it normality for her.

 

6 months is not very long, and it certainly doesn't warrant an expensive Christmas gift, there's nothing wrong with spending money on your partner at Christmas, but if she sees it as being more about value than "thought" then she has a deluded sense of entitlement and needs to grow up.

 

Don't be her open wallet. She can pay for her own make up and 6 months in she should be treating you to dinner dates from time to time. I agree that as men we should pay the check the majority of the time but it is nice to hear your partner say "this is my treat".

 

Does she even work?

 

You're not going to have too much of a fun relationship with somebody who, if opened up, would have a cash register where their heart should be.

Posted

Heh, some folks are genuinely gold diggers but the true definition would turn on the length and breadth of your gold mine.

 

Some use, and 'encourage', the generosity of others to grow their own gold pile because, well, someone else is subsidizing their lifestyle and they can use their own capital to benefit themselves. Capitalism at its finest.

 

Calculate the value of the carbon dioxide expended in telling you're good looking, or 'deep', or 'incredibly generous'. Then attach that value to the grandmother down the street and decide how generous you'd be to her. Heh. It works. Massage a guy's ego, give him sex once in awhile and, well, enjoy.

  • Like 2
Posted

Sounds like she feels entitled.

 

Gold digger, not sure. She does sound like a leech though.

  • Like 4
  • Author
Posted
Do you make a hefty salary that she knows about?

 

I would never in a million years ask a man to buy something for me and when my bf offers to it makes me uncomfortable, but he loves doing it so I am adjusting.

 

I knew guys that had gfs like this - buy me this buy me that, I always thought that was so shocking but it's more common than I thought. Not enough info to detect if she's after your money but regardless I find that so unattractive. Why can't she buy it herself?

 

What's your job vs hers and lifestyle, age?

 

I tried editing my original post to add in a few extra details but it wouldn't let me so I'm re posting it here.

 

And I work in real estate but most of my money is tied up in projects. She knows this but still asks.

 

She works a boring 9-5

 

And we are around the same age (30's)

 

So I've been dating this girl for around 6 months. She is physically my type. But I am still trying to figure her out. She seems a little more higher maintance than I'm used to and she has started asking me for things that she should pay for, like her make up and stuff. She also always expects me to pay for most things like food shopping(we don't live together by the way) and never insists on ever contributing when we go out.

 

Now I agree that the man should pay for dinner dates most of the time, but I don't like it when women just assume that the guys gonna just pay for everything.

 

I've never refused to pay because I probably would anyway but I like a balance. With my last long term girlfriend things were different. She got me more expensive birthday and xmas gifts and we would always usually match the value in gifts for each other.

 

 

She specifically asked me for a expensive xmas gift that I got her but she only got me a cheap jumper.

 

And is now asking me to spend more on expensive things in the sales.

 

I haven't offered to buy her anything but she is just asking me for things now. However I did buy her a few expensive items of clothing because I felt like it a few months back. But now she keeps expecting stuff.

 

I like to do because I feel like it, not because I'm asked.

 

She often refers to an ex boyfriend of hers who always used to throw gifts at her and take her overseas a lot. But always says love of materialism

 

Do you think she is a gold digger based in what I've told you?

 

And just for the record she tells me how good looking I am a 100000000 times a day wants to be with me all the time and says that she loves me( just thought I'd throw that in there)

 

What do you all think?

  • Author
Posted
Hmm, I dunno, maybe she just has no tact when it comes to finances? But I would never, ever, EVER ask a man to pay for my make up, unless I request it as a birthday or special occasion gift.

 

So have you talked to her about it? She obviously has a different idea of what men should pay for.

 

It feels awkward bringing it up, money is not an easy thing to discuss for me

Posted
It feels awkward bringing it up, money is not an easy thing to discuss for me

 

You're gonna need to get used to it if you want to try and salvage this relationship, your girlfriend clearly has no problems bringing money up.

 

I can't even begin to imagine what kind of a crass person would ask their partner to buy them things other than a wishlist for their birthday or hints about Christmas presents. The fact she expects you to pay for personal beauty items you benefit from in absolutely no way like makeup crosses the line. Expecting you to pay for every date without ever offering would be bad enough but now she wants items too?

 

This is just all too weird. I would say that maybe she's a genuine person, maybe she does love you, but if you want to be with her expect to get rinsed financially. I wonder how she'll respond when/if you tell her firmly 'no' next time she asks for something? That'll show her true character if you do it often enough, but honestly why would you even bother?

  • Like 3
Posted

I don't know about gold digger. She's self-centred and obviously isn't thinking about you or what it costs you. People don't change fundamentally so you need to ask yourself whether this is the kind of person you want to be with.

 

One thing I've learned ... just because someone says nice things about you doesn't mean they are nice.

  • Like 3
Posted

Walk away. She expects you to pay for her stuff but gives nothing in return and she openly asks you to pay for her groceries? Selfish and crass.

 

My husband paid for most of our dates before we were married. He also bought me lovely gifts on special occasions.

I returned the favor by buying him great gifts and I would always cook and do laundry when I stayed at his place.

  • Like 1
Posted

I cannot fathom asking my boyfriend to pay for my makeup or groceries. We've been dating 2 1/2 years, and I have never ever asked him to pay for anything. He's very generous and the "things" he has bought for me over the years were his idea only. Although he pays for most of our meals and dates, I offer to pay frequently. Our gift exchanges are fairly equal. I would say he spends a bit more than I do, but I am very generous to him. I would actually feel very uncomfortable asking him to pay for anything, regardless of financial status discrepancy between us. It's just...weird.

 

Sorry, it sounds like she is looking for handouts from men. I don't respect that at all.

Posted

OP...food for thought: Say the relationship progresses. What type of engagement ring will she expect? What kind of house/car will she want? Broach the subject. I have a feeling you will hear what you expect but not necessarily like

  • Like 1
Posted

I don't know about a gold digger. She sounds more like a greedy, entitled, selfish, lazy leech.

 

 

Frankly if any woman that I have ever dated asked me to buy personal items, I would have just ignored it the first few times she asked assuming that I heard her wrong or misunderstood her or something.

 

 

Then if she would have repeated the request I would have laughed at her and just shook my head, rolled my eyes and then went on about my business.

 

 

I have honestly never heard of a woman in a dating relationship asking a guy to buy her make up and personal items.

 

 

Any chance she is an actual con-man? or I suppose that should be con-woman. She may be feeling you out to see if you would be a gullible mark for an actual big-budget con. And frankly you are falling for it hook, line and sinker. I would be very leery if she asks you to invest is some financial scheme or real estate deal that she may come up with one of these days.

  • Author
Posted
Walk away. She expects you to pay for her stuff but gives nothing in return and she openly asks you to pay for her groceries? Selfish and crass.

 

My husband paid for most of our dates before we were married. He also bought me lovely gifts on special occasions.

I returned the favor by buying him great gifts and I would always cook and do laundry when I stayed at his place.

 

On the plus side she always wants to serve me. She will cook for me at the click of my fingers. Literally! I mean she could be sleeping and I could wake her up at 5am and say I'm hungry and she'll get up and go to the kitchen. She also hand washes my clothing without being asked.

 

Does that change anything in your eyes?

  • Author
Posted
I don't know about a gold digger. She sounds more like a greedy, entitled, selfish, lazy leech.

 

 

Frankly if any woman that I have ever dated asked me to buy personal items, I would have just ignored it the first few times she asked assuming that I heard her wrong or misunderstood her or something.

 

 

Then if she would have repeated the request I would have laughed at her and just shook my head, rolled my eyes and then went on about my business.

 

 

I have honestly never heard of a woman in a dating relationship asking a guy to buy her make up and personal items.

 

 

Any chance she is an actual con-man? or I suppose that should be con-woman. She may be feeling you out to see if you would be a gullible mark for an actual big-budget con. And frankly you are falling for it hook, line and sinker. I would be very leery if she asks you to invest is some financial scheme or real estate deal that she may come up with one of these days.

 

This is what I'm trying to figure out. She offered to pay for the food on our first date, but later let slip that she was just testing me and wasn't sincere in her offer.

 

She is trying to speed up the relationship and has been making it clear that she wants to marry me and settle down with me. This type of talk came about after a few months.

 

The thing that got to me, was that she recently said (jokingly) in passing that I need to go all out for Valentine's Day for her. My response to that was "that she needed to go all out for me too". She responded by saying that she'd go all out in the bedroom. That was a turn off for me and made her sound like a border line hooker (I don't want to be rude about my girl, but I hate that kind of talk).

 

I do like this girl but there are things about her that are not me. And I never would have thought I'd be with someone who held certain values she has

  • Author
Posted
OP...food for thought: Say the relationship progresses. What type of engagement ring will she expect? What kind of house/car will she want? Broach the subject. I have a feeling you will hear what you expect but not necessarily like

 

It's funny because she has made several references to the size of the ring her ex finance gave her.

 

But lucky for her, if we do stay together Id be building my own house one day. But I'm just uncomfortable with her asking me to buy her things after I've told her I'm not rich at the moment. As a man it's uncomfortable for me to tell her I can't afford it. And don't think that I should be pushed into having that conversation

Posted

If your money was gone, would she be?

  • Like 3
  • Author
Posted
I cannot fathom asking my boyfriend to pay for my makeup or groceries. We've been dating 2 1/2 years, and I have never ever asked him to pay for anything. He's very generous and the "things" he has bought for me over the years were his idea only. Although he pays for most of our meals and dates, I offer to pay frequently. Our gift exchanges are fairly equal. I would say he spends a bit more than I do, but I am very generous to him. I would actually feel very uncomfortable asking him to pay for anything, regardless of financial status discrepancy between us. It's just...weird.

 

Sorry, it sounds like she is looking for handouts from men. I don't respect that at all.

 

Good point

  • Author
Posted
If your money was gone, would she be?

 

I've asked her that. And she says she's be happy if I had a low income job. But how do you test if a person is being sincere?

Posted (edited)

Sounds like she's doing what she can to ensure you stick around like the bedroom stuff, food and laundry but also kind of like that's what she thinks she has to do to keep you sweet and giving her the cash if that makes sense. Transactional yes but maybe you like that arrangement?

 

It does seem to be moving very fast for only 6 months in and I get a sense she's in a hurry to lock you down. keep your eyes open and always make sure you are realistic with her about your finances. If she's in it for a big payday and finds out you aren't in a position to give her one you'll know soon enough if she's genuine.

 

ETA if she's asking for money for things like makeup it could also be because she's broke or spending irresponsibly. Have you asked about her finances? If girlfriend is in a mess of debt there could be more trouble on the horizon.

Edited by Anderlie
  • Author
Posted
Sounds like she's doing what she can to ensure you stick around like the bedroom stuff, food and laundry but also kind of like that's what she thinks she has to do to keep you sweet and giving her the cash if that makes sense. Transactional yes but maybe you like that arrangement?

 

I hate that arrangement, and hate the sugar baby attitude. Not meaning to sound big headed but almost every girl I've gotten with has worshipped me.

 

In have gotten feeling for this girl. But if you asked me 7 months ago if I'd be in this position with her I'd have said you were crazy!

 

Paying for **** and buying her stuff and her saying she'll make it up to me in the bedroom kinda disgusts me? And cheapens her. I'm not that guy. Other men who are overly materialistic and try to buy women make me sick, so do the type of girls who go for it. I see it as boarder line prostitution.

 

Plus many of her friends in the past sound like low life's (in being that some are nude models with gold digger mind sets and hoes going after sugar daddy's)

 

She has brought me small things like underwear in the past but there's no balance in comparison to what I've gotten for her.

 

I am a good loyal man and want someone worthy of me. Me paying for stuff all of the time when I'm not rich is very uncomfortable for me. But I don't feel that I should have to disclose what I make to her weather it be a lot or a little.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)

If you want more out of the relationship you have to communicate with her how you feel.

 

If her ex fiance bought her such wonderful things maybe she should still be with him. I would nip that nonsense in the bud.

 

When my husband and I were dating I would not let him buy my groceries and most certainly not my makeup. Have you seen the price of make up?? One can easily blow a week's budget at Sephora or Ulta. Even the "cheap" drugstore stuff can carry an exorbitant price tag.

Edited by Ms. Faust
Posted

Do you ever just tell her NO? Like if she wants you to buy her clothes and sh*t, say "no I'm sorry"...what does she say in response? Stop taking her to fancy dinners, say you feel like staying in or sorry it's not in the budget at the moment.

Posted

She is looking for a meal ticket. If you don't want to be that, end this because once you are married, things will get worse.

 

 

She sounds selfish & entitled.

  • Like 1
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