My boyfriend would not be fond of me wanting to model.

[H3lloKittyX]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of months now. I used to dance for about a year before I met him and for about 2 months while we were talking then dating. I honestly did dayum well at it. I quit dancing though because it was creating a strain on our relationship and because I have dreams that cant be attained while dancing. Also I need an actual paycheck lol dumb taxes. Its been a couple of months since I've danced and the subject is still sore. He believes that I should keep my body for myself and him. I do understand where he is coming from in a way.

 

There has been a modeling thing my friend asked me to do and I think I have the perfect assets to do well in it but I know he wouldn't like it at all.

 

How can I talk to him about it?

[acrosstheuniverse]

I presume you're talking about exotic dancing/stripping and glamour modelling? Correct me if I'm wrong.

 

To be fair, if you were already dancing when you met him and he's put pressure on you to stop, and you know he wouldn't be okay with you doing the modelling, I'd question why he got into a relationship with someone in that line of work to begin with.

 

In my experience it's one of those things that a partner is either totally okay with, or they aren't. And when you still want to do it and he doesn't, it's likely to cause a tonne of disharmony, arguments, resentment in the relationship. I can see why someone wouldn't be okay with it, but if that's the case he should have gone after someone with a regular job, not what you currently do!

 

How much do you like this guy and want to stay with him? You mention that you wanted to quit dancing anyway to pursue some other goals, but still seem interested in the modelling. Maybe he'll see both of those things differently, perhaps the idea of photos with one photographer and then seen by others won't bother him as much as you dancing in front of real live guys. But if he thinks you should be keeping your body for him only, I doubt he's going to be happy.

 

All you can do is speak to him about it and ask how he feels. He may surprise you and say it's not a problem. But I think you need to have a good long think first about whether you prioritise the relationship or your dancing/modelling, if it comes down to it. Neither are right or wrong.

 

You're not on the same page... you say you can understand where he's coming from, but also on a purely personal level still want to do this modelling, so I feel as though it will always be a strain between you. You'll feel bummed not being able to do something you want to do and can make money at, or you'll go ahead and do it and cause serious problems with him. Maybe this just boils down to incompatibility...

[BrianSmith]

The only thing I can say is, you should never let someone stop you from living your dreams because in the end, you will regret it. At the same time, following your dreams also might bring consequences. Or he will break the relationship with you and that means he didn't love you enough, or he will accept the fact that you want to do modelling.

[stillafool]

If it's high fashion, runway modeling good for you that you qualify and go for it. If it's bikini shots and such that's a bit tacky and I can't blame your boyfriend for not wanting you to do that.

[TaraMaiden2]

If we spend our entire lives making sure others are happy with our actions - to the sacrifice of our own wishes, dreams and desires, they will never be completely happy and neither will we be.

We will grow frustrated, bitter and resentful at all the things we gave up, just for them.

And they won't thank us.

They will just assume we saw sense.

But what we saw, was THEIR sense. Not ours.

 

Think carefully about what kind of career you wish to pursue, and what your dreams are.

How will you best fulfil them?

 

If the person you love the most, and who should love you the most, are not in agreement, there might be compromises.

But it sounds from your (admittedly scant) post, that he sees any type of physical exposure as an affront to his personal decency.

 

Is he religious, by any chance?

Not that he shouldn't be, but if you're not, then there's an incompatibility right there.

Has he mentioned such strong wishes in any other area?

Have you had sex with him?

How was it? (Excuse the apparent intrusion, but it might give a further insight into his attitude.....)

[PegNosePete]

I used to dance for about a year before I met him and for about 2 months while we were talking then dating.

He believes that I should keep my body for myself and him.

Huh. So he is perfectly OK with dating a dancer, but once he "owns" you, he wants you to change for him and now suddenly has some kind of morality that didn't exist before. You've only been together a couple of months! Not a good sign.

 

How can I talk to him about it?

Just tell him straight that you want to do it. Tell him he can either accept it or not. If not, your relationship is over.

[thefooloftheyear]

Huh. So he is perfectly OK with dating a dancer, but once he "owns" you, he wants you to change for him and now suddenly has some kind of morality that didn't exist before. You've only been together a couple of months! Not a good sign.

 

 

Just tell him straight that you want to do it. Tell him he can either accept it or not. If not, your relationship is over.

 

This is ridiculous, IMO

 

Sure, people have their rights to do what they want, but a relationship is supposed to be about give and take, and understanding another persons needs or desires...Certain things make others we love and care about have bad feelings, so if you want complete autonomy, then why bother entering a relationship in the first place?

 

To just tell someone you are in a relationship with to pound sand every time they do something that might affect the others personal feelings is not really in the true spirit of what a relationship should be...

 

TFY

[salparadise]

If it's high fashion, runway modeling good for you that you qualify and go for it. If it's bikini shots and such that's a bit tacky and I can't blame your boyfriend for not wanting you to do that.

 

I think this modeling gig she refers to involves a lot less coverage than a bikini affords. OP has that take it off for the money mentality... I hate to break it to you sugga, but it's exploitative and you're never going to make any serious money. You'll get paid more than minimum wage for about fifteen minutes, the money will last a day and it's over. The money will be gone and those sleezy pics will follow you around for the rest of your life. Hell, they may even be setting you up for a porn shoot. If this is actually a job modeling sweaters for Bloomingdales, then pardon me for being cynical and presumptuous.