ConfusedInOC Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I agree That's because for you, it's easier to throw in the towel than to struggle for something you believe in. It's much easier to stick your tail between your legs and run. In Confused's case, both he and his s/o want to try and work things out. I fail to see your issue with that. So they try. If it fails, it's meant to be. If it works out, then they're happy. Win/Win situation IMHO. At least if it does fail they both can walk away proud, knowing they gave it their best shot. Anything worth achieving in life never comes easy.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 Originally posted by genuine_goals Okay, apparently confused in OC IS the ONLY one here worthy of advice. I did not say I have mulitple degrees or am more intelligent than anyone. You just ASSUMED that because you are the defensive. Where are my assumptions? Confused came here for advice on how to work it out, how to fix his low self-esteem. Not "How should I throw in the towel?" He asked for specific advice on how to deal with his low self-esteem and his masculinity issues so I addressed them. You did not address his problems, you ASSUME he doesn't have any. Bad, bad assumption on your part. All I said was DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING just because some one wrote a book. I agree. That's why I say Counseling and reading combined is an effective way to resolve your issues. I can honestly say that I know many people with degrees who are total idiots. Just because you have a degree does not mean you are intelligent. By all means no. But one can, with a certain degree of accuracy, know that someone with a PhD is not an idiot.... Example: Dr. Phil - nothing more than a mediocre attention grabbing Oprah spin off, yet millions of Americans follow him like a herd of sheep. Sounds like you're bitter to me.... It's SIMPLE - If she doesn't like you for who you are then boot her. Why, so he can act the same way with the next woman and achieve the same results? The surest sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results each time. If you follow my adivce your relationship will be over in a year - you're exactly right. Hence, my point to begin with. If he follows your advice he'll be in a perpetual cycle of failed relationships. Women want CALM, CONFIDENT, SELF-ASSURED and MASCULINE men. Your advice is to ignore his issues, which he admits to having, and go look for a woman that accepts a weak, spineless, door mat of a man. I'm not sure there are ANY women out there who wants a girlie-man like that.... Bottom line - There's nothing wrong with you - you are a cool guy and you are going to let some girl change you. Too bad... mark one up as a loss for masculinity. Ah, so your advice is to "throw in the towel, give up, accept that he is a door mat and go look for a woman who wants a door mat kind of guy." You're the one the Counselor warned me about By the way, I do have A degree. Really? I'd have never guessed....
kilombo Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 I'm not sure who is right, confused05 do you not like it when your girlfriend goes out because when she does, you end up bored at home alone, or because you don't trust her? If you don't trust her is it because of your self-esteem or is it because she's been unfaithful in the past? Or both?
Author confused05 Posted June 20, 2005 Author Posted June 20, 2005 I trust her totally it was just more or less my low self esteem and her flirty outgoing personality. Im past that now though. Now im just working on a few of my issues. I needed to take the flirtyness as what it is ( her personality ) nothing more. Shes never cheated and I trust her.. Hell she lives with me, wants to be married some day and have kids Shes not going anywheres. I just need to fix the small issues I have , which i have been doing and seeing improvements in me, her us etc.. The whole package
ConfusedInOC Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 Originally posted by confused05 I trust her totally it was just more or less my low self esteem and her flirty outgoing personality. I could sense that from you. You never panicked about her cheating. You've always concentrated on what YOU wanted to improve upon and thus the advice I gave you. Im past that now though. Now im just working on a few of my issues. I'm glad to hear it. How's it going by the way? I've found myself smiling more, laughing more and generally accepting who I am and living in reality! In the process, women are noticing me more (or I am just being more observant. For instance, at the LASIK place on Friday some hot woman smiled at me and said bye as she was leaving the office. So the Secretary took my number. I said next time you talk to her, ask her to call me I needed to take the flirtyness as what it is ( her personality ) nothing more. Shes never cheated and I trust her.. Hell she lives with me, wants to be married some day and have kids Shes not going anywheres. I just need to fix the small issues I have , which i have been doing and seeing improvements in me, her us etc.. The whole package You're on the right track. Just keep working on your confidence and self-esteem. Remember CCSM!
Author confused05 Posted June 20, 2005 Author Posted June 20, 2005 Hey, Everything is going pretty good... I got that CCSM on my monitor at work eheeheh it helps.. Shes been happier and ive felt better, Not sweating the bs and enjoying myself. She called me today and was like Im going out for a quick drink tonight after work with 1 of my friends and I was like Thats cool ( I spent the whole weekened with her, and we went out for fathers day ) over the weekend with both our parents. Everything is really going well, Im slowly starting to feel better about myself and everything is starting to turn around slowly. Its still gonna take time for me to be 100% confident and I still have my old habits at times but alot less.. A REALL LOT LESS. Overall Im doing good and feeling better bottom line! Half my problems were made up in my head from being insecure and not confident. off subject but : when I use to whine about having sex etc and stuff I would never get it or have to beg for it. Hell I got it 3 times in 2 days 2 were when i woke up. Its funny how things work out when you just change just a few things. Im glad to hear things are going good on your end too.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 Originally posted by confused05 Hey, Everything is going pretty good... I got that CCSM on my monitor at work eheeheh it helps.. Shes been happier and ive felt better, Not sweating the bs and enjoying myself. She called me today and was like Im going out for a quick drink tonight after work with 1 of my friends and I was like Thats cool ( I spent the whole weekened with her, and we went out for fathers day ) over the weekend with both our parents. Everything is really going well, Im slowly starting to feel better about myself and everything is starting to turn around slowly. Its still gonna take time for me to be 100% confident and I still have my old habits at times but alot less.. A REALL LOT LESS. Overall Im doing good and feeling better bottom line! There you go, man. Very good. Rest assured that the changes you are implementing will not occur overnight and you will have to, at least intially, work very hard to remember them. But, it does get easier over time. Like I said earlier, it's like lifting weights. You have to start heavy and work your way to the shape you want, then you just need to maintain it with light workouts. Think of your mind as you do your body and you'll have a good idea of how much work is required to make this a permanent part of you. Half my problems were made up in my head from being insecure and not confident. off subject but : when I use to whine about having sex etc and stuff I would never get it or have to beg for it. Hell I got it 3 times in 2 days 2 were when i woke up. Its funny how things work out when you just change just a few things. Im glad to hear things are going good on your end too. Thanks and congrats to you. I'm excited to see your progress and please keep us up to date. B.
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