MoreAmore Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 How much consideration do give a partner's preference in your physical appearance? Would you alter your hairstyle or facial hair? Would you lose weight or gain weight, or not lose weight you want to lose or gain weight you're comfortable with? Would you change your makeup? Perfume/cologne? Clothing style? A single hated shirt? To what degree do you feel the person you're with can influence your personal appearance? (Let's say this is just his/her preference you know; he/she isn't trying to dictate this to you, or threatening.) b
Redfisher Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 The beard stays.....Other then that I'm flexible. 3
central Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 It's all negotiable as far as I'm concerned. We have both changed numerous superficial things over the years based on each other's preferences. If it doesn't hurt and makes us happier or more attractive to each other, that pays dividends. 3
smackie9 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I only make changes on my own terms. I'm always changing the way I look, style my hair differently, etc BUT I do it for myself and what I LIKE. I would never change something because my partner asks/tells me to or has a preference. Once (a long long time ago) I tinted my hair red because the guy I was dating liked red heads....but I realize this wasn't me, I didn't like the colour, it just made me unhappy.....later I felt stupid for doing it. 4
mike_89 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I would be prepared to work out and lower my fat percentage. I would not be prepared just to cut weight by dieting. I would never shave my beard off completely either, I want at least some hair on my face. My hair does not matter too much, so long as she doesn't want it to be half a meter long. I'm most flexible when it comes to anything that is not my body (clothes, perfume etc).
Author MoreAmore Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 I gained weight since meeting my partner, and would like to lose it plus some. (He pushes food hard.). He prefers my current size. He calls it my curves, though honestly I feel like I'm if anything less curvy because of the extra fat. I'm torn between wanting to be slimmer because if athletic performance, and not really caring whether I'm attractive to anyone but him and frankly enjoying the sex and enthusiasm that has come with the extra weight. - oh my, oh my; it is amazing. (It's not obesity regardless. He isn't a fan of that. My health is not effected.). No guy has ever suggested a preference for thinner, though I would happily lose weight within reason. My ex boyfriend preferred very long hair so I kept it always long. Another guy I saw loved pigtails so I wore them all the time despite feeling self conscious of my age. I have worn less makeup for a guy, though never more. I just am not a makeup person, and it's never been suggested. I've had more than one guy shave his beard off when he realized I didn't like beards, including my current guy.
carhill Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 How much consideration do give a partner's preference in your physical appearance? Reflecting on being married, and respecting my exW's work in the world of appearance, I gave it consideration. Would you alter your hairstyle or facial hair? I did, and went clean-shaven. However, I probably should have gone my own way on buzzing up my hair. ExW tended to try to preserve it, though nicely cut. Since we've divorced, I've buzzed it and shaved and that feels more 'right'. Would you lose weight or gain weight, or not lose weight you want to lose or gain weight you're comfortable with? We exercised together. IMO, we were both overweight. Would you change your makeup? Perfume/cologne? Clothing style? A single hated shirt? I didn't really change my wardrobe style, but I did give up on wearing stuff until it was threadbare. To what degree do you feel the person you're with can influence your personal appearance? I think some. I tend to live outside myself and not in front of a mirror so, if a partner suggests a change, I'm usually game to try it. (Let's say this is just his/her preference you know; he/she isn't trying to dictate this to you, or threatening.) My exW didn't like back hair so I let her wax it off. Heh, I can't see my back anyway and it apparently set her more at ease when we were out at the pool or beach. OK. I'd do similar for a partner in the future. TBH, overall, this kind of stuff hasn't been a serious issue with any of the women I've been with.
Gaeta Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Would you alter your hairstyle or facial hair? I vary my hairstyle, I wear them curled or straight. If he mentions to me he likes it when I wear them straight I will wear them straight more often for him. That is the extend of it. I have long hair and if he prefers women with boyish haircut there is no way I would cut my hair that short for a man. Would you lose weight or gain weight, or not lose weight you want to lose or gain weight you're comfortable with? I would be sensitive to his request. If I have gained weight during our dating and I am not the Gaeta he met then absolutely I would lose the weight to remain the woman he fell in love with. If he meet me at size 8 and says he prefers women at size 12, sorry - ain't gonna happen he better start looking for a size 12 lady. Would you change your makeup? Perfume/cologne? Clothing style? A single hated shirt? Same answer at the hair question. If he finds me sexier in jeans I will advantage that look when I see him. If he wants to completely change my style than no. My style goes with my personality. I'm not gonna turn into a hipster just to please him,he can find himself a hipster. Conclusion: I am open to anything but with moderation.
kendahke Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I try to be the best and healthiest version of me because then I'm happy with me. The happy offshoot to that is if my best version is their preference, then win-win.
MissBee Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 In general if we're dating it's likely I met you and was attracted to you and vice-versa. For me it's usually been more like oh I like when you wear that color, or that dress or your hair looks good like that etc and so for their benefit I will keep it in mind and from time to time wear those things or rock a particular style they like. With boyfriends it's also been similar where I like certain colors, styles or a type of hair cut and will simply compliment them on it and say how good I think it looks. They usually then know I like it and may choose on their own to rock it for my benefit. I err on the side of complimenting what I like or if they ask my opinion say what I think looks best, but try to avoid criticizing esp if it's about their actual body. I would NEVER do that and wouldn't appreciate it done to me. Superficial stuff like colors and clothing sure, but I wouldn't say you should lose or gain weight and things like that.
Amelie1980 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 One of my exes said he didnt like me wearing a particular color i clothing. I had a shirt that was a very bright, raspberry pink color and he said that I do not suit it as I am pale and he thinks I look better in pale pastel colors. I did avoid wearing that shirt / that color around him and he had a point, I do look better in pastel.
fitnessfan365 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) One of the few areas my GF and I clash on is fashion sense. She has it and I don't. LOL Now I'll be the first to admit I need to update my wardrobe and I am absolutely clueless about fashion trends. But in my defense, even though some of my clothes have extremely old labels like Mossimo, they're really well maintained. Even my GF admits they look practically brand new and that I look good in them. However, since she'd kind of a label snob my clothes are "out of date". What she can't wait for is her brother's wedding in June when I have to wear a fitted suit. I've never owned a suit because I HATE dressing up. Hell, one of the fringe benefits of being a personal trainer is how casually I get to dress for work. Like I said though, realistically I know that I do need to adapt to the times. However, these days there aren't many 35 year old guys that still have the same body they did when they were 17. Just saying... Edited January 5, 2016 by fitnessfan365
S_A Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 However, these days there aren't many 35 year old guys that still have the same body they did when they were 17. Just saying... So that's why you're 35 and dress like your 17? In my opinion, guys that lack "style" tend to lack it because they don't have an interest in being stylish. Not knowing how to be stylish is a byproduct of that. You'll never be stylish if you don't care to be. If you ever do develop a care to be stylish, the best way to learn is to observe other people (men and women) who's style catches your eye. 1
Els Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 I'd make some minor changes (e.g. if there is a particular item of clothing they appear to really like, and I don't dislike it myself), but if I feel strongly about something I'll do it my way. The thing is, though, is that I'm not in a R with someone for whom physical appearance is a primary factor, and if I were single I would not choose someone for whom it is, either. So it's rather a moot point, since it wouldn't matter too much to them either way.
Gaeta Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 The thing is, though, is that I'm not in a R with someone for whom physical appearance is a primary factor, and if I were single I would not choose someone for whom it is, either. So it's rather a moot point, since it wouldn't matter too much to them either way. Without being a primary factor isn't there a minimum of 'put together' your require? You let your man put socks in his beach sandals? When my ex-husband took a shower he'd lay out his clean clothes on the bed first. I'd often switch them while he was in the shower. He'd ask why and I'd tell him why: t-shirts with holes and grease stains are for backyard work, not church.
Els Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Without being a primary factor isn't there a minimum of 'put together' your require? You let your man put socks in his beach sandals? Sure there is a minimum requirement, same as how I'm sure my guy would be pretty put-off if I decided to only shower once a week. But I would never do that even if I were single, and ditto with him and wearing socks with sandals (who does that?!?!). So no change required.
veggirl Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Within reason. He prefers long hair and luckily so do I so that isn't an issue, but if I really wanted to cut a pixie or a bob or something...I probably wouldn't. I'd probably compromise with something closer to shoulder length. He prefers "fitted" clothes and I like oversized tops....for date night, I'll make an effort to dress how I know he loves, but in regular day to day I wear whatever I want. If I gained a bunch of weight, yes I'd try to lose it! For both of us, really. He doesn't really care for me in heels because it makes me taller than him...but if I feel like wearing heels out, I still do. I'd say we have a pretty average expectation on compromise in the looks dept.
road Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Not changing my clothes. Cotton, comfort, function, and the look I want. End of story.
introverted1 Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 I have deduced which body spray my guy likes best and I wear that one more often. Beyond that, one of the nicest things about our R is that he thinks I am beautiful no matter what I'm wearing, and I think he looks great, too. Doesn't matter if the rest of the world agrees with any of this; we're happy.
Emilia Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 For sure. Variety is a spice of life. I have different looks and I'll wear the style he likes more often but I keep it varied. Most men have some very unsurprising preferences, I like a slight edge to my look and they tend to enjoy it. IME they put more effort in as a result and become a more attractive version of themselves. Keeping the chemistry going is very important long term, variety and expressing preferences are part of that. It's also part of pushing boundaries and exploring sexuality.
Ally33 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 I would assume that he is dating me for me and wouldn't want to change for anyone. If he doesn't like what he sees the he is not likely to be the one for me. I think self confidence is attractive and I wouldn't want a guy to change his appearance for me either. Having said that if he complimented my clothes or hairstyle I would be more likely to dress and wear my hair in that way again.
hippychick3 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 I would only make requested changes if it made me feel good about myself. The only preference my boyfriend has voiced is straight hair over curly hair. I usually straighten my hair anyway so have no problem continuing to do that if it increases attraction. I think it's fine to make physical changes to please a partner as long as those changes please you as well.
Buddhist Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 How much consideration do give a partner's preference in your physical appearance? Would you alter your hairstyle or facial hair? Would you lose weight or gain weight, or not lose weight you want to lose or gain weight you're comfortable with? Would you change your makeup? Perfume/cologne? Clothing style? A single hated shirt? To what degree do you feel the person you're with can influence your personal appearance? (Let's say this is just his/her preference you know; he/she isn't trying to dictate this to you, or threatening.) b Well, I make sure that my personal appearance is his preference before we end up in a relationship together. I've dated people renovators before, no thanks. If my potential is what you're wanting to date to the extent you're not even appreciating my reality then I think we aren't a match. I choose men who like me in my present state and then of course, it's kind of the agreement that I do all within my power to maintain that state as gracefully as possible. If I'm fully made up every time you see me and fit like a personal trainer, I'm not about to become a couch potato and slovenly on your watch. I don't believe in the bait and switch. What you see is what you get with me. Of course over time we can both become comfortable with each other and see each other in our less than finer moments. But that's a different thing to transforming into a completely different person that bears no resemblance to the original. I really doubt I'd totally change myself in a significant way to please a partner. I like to grow my hair very long, if my current SO wanted to see me in a pixie cut the answer would be no. My preferences are mine. If I had a dress he wasn't thrilled about, I'd probably be inclined to not wear it when we go out together. But keep it for times when I'm out on my own. Small requests are no big deal. Major preference differences, then I think we aren't a match.
brothers343 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 My bald head stays and my english bulldog stays. Thats non negotiable!! Im already good looking and have a great body...plus They tell me I have a good sense of humor. So yeahhhhh only those two things.lol
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