belle1111 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Hi everyone, I am really losing hope at ever finding a partner and my future. I will try not to go into too much detail but have been sick with mental/ neurological illness and chronic fatigue for the past 3 years. Prior to this I was a normal functioning woman. I have had 2 partners since i have been ill, the first one couldn't handle it and left me. The second one I was with for a year and I left because he had a lot of problems of his own he constantly lied to me, was a drug user and it was really affecting me. I have tried everything to help myself, medications, been in hospital, counselling and am still battling through. I don't have much family only my mother who is getting on in age. I am 32 but look alot younger and always get told I am very attractive. I think I am a kind person. I seem to attract a lot of attention from men but once they get to know me and what is wrong they ditch me. Maybe it's just not the right time in my life but i am frightened there will be no one in my future to be a support. Is my illness a deal breaker for everyone on this planet? am i doomed?
salparadise Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I will try not to go into too much detail but have been sick with mental/ neurological illness and chronic fatigue for the past 3 years... How can you expect well-reasoned responses when you start out saying you will not go into detail? Some mental illnesses are definite deal breakers for nearly everyone, others not so much. People who are mentally healthy generally want partners who are as well. But then there are also rescuers, codependents and people with weak boundaries out there looking for a new challenge... a lid for every pot as they say. In one sense, we're all just looking for a person whose style of crazy is a perfect match for our style of crazy. That's a nice, general answer befitting a question with no details, eh? 2
Emilia Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Weak boundaries indeed. Often people drawn to vulnerable ones have their own issues, including looking to exploit, etc. Are you in a position OP to maintain a healthy relationship with firm boundaries?
Buddhist Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) i am frightened there will be no one in my future to be a support. And this is probably the reason why they are running. I'll be brutally honest here, no-one goes into a relationship thinking, hey I'd really like to become that person's crutch. Now if often happens we fall in love, life occurs and our partners get sick and we then stick by them through thick and thin. But the relationship is generally there first and has some strength about it. I know you don't want to go into details but what kind of support are you needing from them? Are you expecting to call them day or night and have them there for you when you're having an episode? Escort you to the hospital, talk you down? It would be useful if we had some idea of the load this illness places on a relationship. As a former depressive, depression would be a deal breaker for me. I know only too well what a morose and terrible influence that is on a relationship. Even if the depressive seems quite normal most of the time the constant negativity and sense of hopeless drowns relationships quickly. They also act like martyrs and are constantly passive aggressive and often emotionally manipulative too. Edited January 5, 2016 by Buddhist 7
Amelie1980 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) And this is probably the reason why they are running. I'll be brutally honest here, no-one goes into a relationship thinking, hey I'd really like to become that person's crutch. Now if often happens we fall in love, life occurs and our partners get sick and we then stick by them through thick and thin. But the relationship is generally there first and has some strength about it. I know you don't want to go into details but what kind of support are you needing from them? Are you expecting to call them day or night and have them there for you when you're having an episode? Escort you to the hospital, talk you down? It would be useful if we had some idea of the load this illness places on a relationship. As a former depressive, depression would be a deal breaker for me. I know only too well what a morose and terrible influence that is on a relationship. Even if the depressive seems quite normal most of the time the constant negativity and sense of hopeless drowns relationships quickly. They also act like martyrs and are constantly passive aggressive and often emotionally manipulative too. This x 1000% Your concern is to find a support for your future. Who wants that? Would you? What do you bring to the table? Can you provide any emotional support, physical support, financial support, any support at all to a partner? No one is going to be a constant crutch to someone as what do they get out of it? Edited January 5, 2016 by Amelie1980 2
SmartDude Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 I have been in relationships with a few different women who had issues. One was in a damn wheelchair for goodness sake..The things she could do with her boobs were amazing though, some of the best sex I have ever had The other one was mentally ill. What drew me to these women was the strength and humanity within them despite their challenges in life. Their hearts were tender, the ego and attitude was gone. I fell in love, simple as that.
carhill Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Regardless of what may be going on in your mind and/or psyche, if you can form and maintain healthy interpersonal relationships, like with friends and family, it's very likely you'll have success with sexual relationships as well. If you struggle with friends and family comes and goes and is sometimes loathe to support you, more problematical. I've done the mental illness caregiving thing for a loved one and, at this stage in life, I'm done with that stuff so it would be a dealbreaker for me. However, billions of others to interact with.
Terry8889 Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 I could depend on the type of mental illness, Post traumatic disorder, depression, schizophrenia or being bipolar are completely different things. There are also other milder mental conditions. It would depend on the degree of seriousness of the illness. It can be a deal breaker for most people but don't lose hope.
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