Eternal Sunshine Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I have moved to this town couple of years ago for a job. My career is going great, I love my job and couldn't be happier there. I make more money that I probably would anywhere else and just got offered another 2 year contract.. The town also has a lot of men, and is one in few towns in Australia where single men outnumber single women. However, despite the quantity, I would estimate that around 80% of men are blue collar. I know this is going to sound bad, but I am just not attracted to their personalitiy. They all seem to exhibit common personality traits: crass, uncultured, loud and a certain sense of humor that turns me off. There is a word that Australians use for what I describe: "bogans". Quite a lot of them are fit and good looking and this led to some great sex but I wasn't able to connect with them on a deeper level. I gave few of them a real chance but it didn't work. It's not their fault really, this town is in general devoid of culture so they haven't been exposed to anything different for any length of time. I recently made a tinder profile and depressingly I couldn't find almost any men that I liked based on their profiles (if I just go based on looks, I would easily go for 80% of them, if not more). I have realized that I would much rather go for below average to average looking guy with a personality that I can connect to. Not sure what advice I am looking for..... I adore my job and really don't want to move. Maybe I will just put up with good sex and give up on ever finding a relationship 1
Maggie4 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 You only need to find one man, so it doesn't matter what the numbers are. But if you must, you can focus on the 20% non blue collar men. If the town is not too small, that 20% can easily equal 80% of men in a much smaller town. Do not despair. Put a lot of cultural references in your dating profile.
Emilia Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 This is why location matters as much as the job. Part of life-work balance. I love Oz but I'd find it a challenge as a European to live there outside Sydney/Melbourne. All of New Zealand would be a no. Time to decide what's important.
salparadise Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 So the quality of sex depends mostly on looks, as opposed to real connection... and you can find plenty of good sex with men you don't respect for who they are? Life must be simpler down under. I always had the opposite problem... all the gorgeous women throwing themselves at me didn't mean a damn thing, so I started requiring gorgeous with a Ph.D. Perhaps you just need a pen pal to supplement all of that good sex, eh? 3
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) and you can find plenty of good sex with men you don't respect for who they are? Yeah, I noticed how they casually threw that in. I guess she's willing to put up with these uncultured men until she throws them out of bed. lol Anyhow, I live in a similar area, although I'm able to pick out the full-toothed, clean women with no-sleeve tats that show up on online on occasion. They usually are city ladies like yourself that move here and realize "Crap, nothing but redneck men with DUIs and jail records." Of course, I've already emailed them, with no response, even though I'm of the non-blue collared, clean-cut, law abiding type. I actually took a break from POF and decided to check it out again...still the same cultured women remain. So the quality of sex depends mostly on looks, as opposed to real connection That's called settling. Edited January 5, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst
phineas Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 So the quality of sex depends mostly on looks, as opposed to real connection... and you can find plenty of good sex with men you don't respect for who they are? Life must be simpler down under. I always had the opposite problem... all the gorgeous women throwing themselves at me didn't mean a damn thing, so I started requiring gorgeous with a Ph.D. Perhaps you just need a pen pal to supplement all of that good sex, eh? My friends know i'm looking for a relationship but I'll still hook up with women I don't see relationship potential in. When they ask why I simply tell them "it aint gonna suck itself" I have no problem with OP getting her's while she looks for the right guy to date seriously. At least she is having sex and keeping the cobwebs out. 1
BluEyeL Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) I thought you were a college professor? Thus, aren't other college professors around? I live in a college town too and outside of the university is mostly blue collar and also more men than women here too. I still managed to find someone. But I suspect your standards are different than mine, based on your post history. Also, my friend A, who is a college professor here, found someone very quickly, but he's divorced and has two kids. He's a Ph.D. too, although not a professor. They just got married this Christmas. I think for everyone, something's got to give, especially when you're getting older. Edited January 5, 2016 by BluEyeL
salparadise Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I have no problem with OP getting her's while she looks for the right guy to date seriously. I have no problem with it either. Awareness that NSA sex is easy enough provides quite a bit of balance. The ability to walk away from the negotiating table saying, phuk it- I'm going to go bang something... it's good to have options.
xxoo Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Not sure what advice I am looking for..... I adore my job and really don't want to move. Maybe I will just put up with good sex and give up on ever finding a relationship Do you really want a relationship? Or do you think that you should want a relationship? Where have you been happiest? have you had significantly more relationship success in another area? When have you been happiest in your life? What makes you happiest? Is it your job, or your love life, or family, or something else? 3
carhill Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Get out. Blue collar guys will just drag you down. Especially avoid the ones with caravans.
Wewon Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I think that people fail to appreciate that one of the reasons that quality people are such a find is because they are rare in any environment. The OP could be living in a university town where the average man has a college degree, is traveled and pursues cultural experiences and would likely still find making a match somewhat challenging. If OLD has taught us nothing is that abundance of options doesn't mean you will find a 1:1 match, it just means that you have more moving parts to be disappointed in. My suggestion to the OP is to continue enjoying yourself the best that you can, pursue your activities and keep an eye out for a good match. Keep in mind that matches are not the norm. 2
Gold Pile Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I've met blue collar intellectuals and I've met plenty of crude, crass white collar folks. 3
Woggle Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 With all due respect this does seem a bit snobbish. Not saying you have to be attracted to blue collar folks but don't put them down like that. That being said finding somebody is rare in any situation. Talk to people who live in white collar yuppie areas and they have the same issues. 1
Gaeta Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Widen your search radius. A city has many suburbs and is surrounded by sister-cities. Every city has white collars working in schools, hospitals, lawyers and accounting firms etc. When you go out in town search for spots where those professionals hang out at during their happy hours.
katiegrl Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) My ex is blue collar (a building contractor) ...he also has a Masters from Columbia University ..... and before drugs entered the picture (which is why we broke up) we used to have some of the deepest, most intellectual conversations I have ever had. Sigh. Edited January 5, 2016 by katiegrl
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 So the quality of sex depends mostly on looks, as opposed to real connection... and you can find plenty of good sex with men you don't respect for who they are? Life must be simpler down under. I always had the opposite problem... all the gorgeous women throwing themselves at me didn't mean a damn thing, so I started requiring gorgeous with a Ph.D. Perhaps you just need a pen pal to supplement all of that good sex, eh? Initially, I can have good sex before I get to know them. After that, they start to annoy me so much that even sex is not good anymore. I am more like a man when it comes to sex. There is physical attraction and there is relationship attraction. I never get attached just through sex.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 My ex is blue collar (a building contractor) ...he also has a Masters from Columbia University ..... and before drugs entered the picture (which is why we broke up) we used to have some of the deepest, most intellectual conversations I have ever had. Sigh. Just saying in general, I have met blue collar men that are cultured and white collared men that are not. But both are in the minority.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 I thought you were a college professor? Thus, aren't other college professors around? I live in a college town too and outside of the university is mostly blue collar and also more men than women here too. I still managed to find someone. But I suspect your standards are different than mine, based on your post history. Also, my friend A, who is a college professor here, found someone very quickly, but he's divorced and has two kids. He's a Ph.D. too, although not a professor. They just got married this Christmas. I think for everyone, something's got to give, especially when you're getting older. Hey BlueEyed I work at a research institute and don't teach (apart form supervising postgraduate student projects). I only know one single guy over 30 at the whole instute and I went on 3 dates with him last year before he lost interest (no idea why). We collaborate with a university here and all university professors that I know of are married. They seem to marry young and stay married. I would also imagine that if one became single, they would be snapped up extremely quickly.
carhill Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Generally, I would agree, and state that as a lifelong blue collar guy. Dating is one of those areas where one can be as discriminatory and generalizing as they choose to be. If your contract keeps you in a blue collar town and you choose to place the contract above where you live, and prefer not to socialize with blue collar guys, I guess travel is in your future. Another option, if practical, is commuting for work and living and socializing in a locale more to your liking.
Leigh 87 Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Ugh! Man, I am ONLY into blue collar. I've NEVER been sexually attracted to a white collar. My family are mostly white collar too. Oh. I did date one lecturer at my college. But if he didn't have an accent I def wouldn't have bee attracted. If I'm ever single please I'd love to visit this town!
Leigh 87 Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Just saying in general, I have met blue collar men that are cultured and white collared men that are not. But both are in the minority. My partner is blue collar. He drives semi trailers and large trucks. He has also lived and worked around the world. And he's Ukrainian. So yeah. He is definitely cultured yet he has the blue collar manly voice and accent
Maggie4 Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 When the OP said Australia, I'm thinking Kalgoorlie. That's quite different from American blue collar. There's blue collar, and then there's surrounded by giant lizards blue collar. 2
carhill Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 I don't know the OP's particulars but a good example would be a white collar professional working at a research facility in a mining town, something pretty common in Australia. The bulk of the population are workers employed by the mine and generally blue collar. Where I live it would be an agronomist or agricultural or biological specialist working at a research facility in or adjacent to an agricultural town. The bulk of residents are farmers or work in the farming industries, generally blue collar. I can think of one facility, operated by a university and specializing in hybridizing plant materials, nearby which fits that bill perfectly. It's a tough dating environment if one excludes the blue collar folks. Pretty thin pool, especially at OP's age, 30-something I think.
SolG Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 OP does your job allow the flexibility to FIFO? Then you could base yourself in a cap city when not working and take advantage of the better pickings.
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