gasbagy Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Hey guys, I was just wondering. If you want to reconcile and your ex thinks it can't and won't work. And doesn't want to reconcile... What is better getting breadcrumbs with her checking up on you from not initiating contact (limited contact). Or ending up getting totally blocked in everything by your ex and some of her friends and family beginning to block and unfriend you as well. Backstory: I love the girl but I want more than friendship when she said the relationship wouldn't work so I tried no contact/limited contact. She went to checking up on me and not really being that interested to eventually blocking me I assume when she realized I wasn't interested in being friends. As far as the block is concerned. I believe it arose as a counter block towards me. She was flirting and talking with other guys on skype and missmessaged me a game invite and removed the message that she sent to me. I was sad and upset about it so the next day I blocked her on skype so I'd "dissappear" and she could miss me. 2 weeks later hearing nothing from her on fb she ended up blocking me. (Oh and I had deleted her as a friend on fb a while ago when I realized she wasn't coming back to me just fyi) Then two weeks later for my birthday she messaged me a happy birthday on snapchat (something I never use) and I thanked her. The next day I snapped to her that I loved her. Then that night she said she can't contact me anymore. I asked for one last call and she said "No I'm sorry." After posting a snapchat story with our mutual friend I found she blocked me the next day. So that's a full out block. Now some of her friends and family are starting to block or delete me on fb as well. On the bright side She can start missing me right?? Since she can't contact me or see me or anything. That's what I've been reading that is supposed to be my goal. I think she knew I wasn't strong enough to block her and I was hurting really bad so she took it upon herself to cut off our contact. I had blocked and unblocked her on skype and fb as well but couldn't and unblocked her because I missed and loved her too much. There's alot more to this story including long distance international relationship, fiance visa, called off wedding a week before the date, offer for "compromise," homesickness, not "in love" with you but just work on being a lover not a friend don't worry nothing to worry about, etc. I guess I could go into it if you guys need more info, but that's the jist of it. Bread crumbs friendship??? OR Nuclear blockage Texas stand off as far as reconciliation. Thank you for your thoughts, advice and stories. Gasbagy
D.r.e Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Hey guys, I was just wondering. If you want to reconcile and your ex thinks it can't and won't work. And doesn't want to reconcile... What is better getting breadcrumbs with her checking up on you from not initiating contact (limited contact). Or ending up getting totally blocked in everything by your ex and some of her friends and family beginning to block and unfriend you as well. Backstory: I love the girl but I want more than friendship when she said the relationship wouldn't work so I tried no contact/limited contact. She went to checking up on me and not really being that interested to eventually blocking me I assume when she realized I wasn't interested in being friends. As far as the block is concerned. I believe it arose as a counter block towards me. She was flirting and talking with other guys on skype and missmessaged me a game invite and removed the message that she sent to me. I was sad and upset about it so the next day I blocked her on skype so I'd "dissappear" and she could miss me. 2 weeks later hearing nothing from her on fb she ended up blocking me. (Oh and I had deleted her as a friend on fb a while ago when I realized she wasn't coming back to me just fyi) Then two weeks later for my birthday she messaged me a happy birthday on snapchat (something I never use) and I thanked her. The next day I snapped to her that I loved her. Then that night she said she can't contact me anymore. I asked for one last call and she said "No I'm sorry." After posting a snapchat story with our mutual friend I found she blocked me the next day. So that's a full out block. Now some of her friends and family are starting to block or delete me on fb as well. On the bright side She can start missing me right?? Since she can't contact me or see me or anything. That's what I've been reading that is supposed to be my goal. I think she knew I wasn't strong enough to block her and I was hurting really bad so she took it upon herself to cut off our contact. I had blocked and unblocked her on skype and fb as well but couldn't and unblocked her because I missed and loved her too much. There's alot more to this story including long distance international relationship, fiance visa, called off wedding a week before the date, offer for "compromise," homesickness, not "in love" with you but just work on being a lover not a friend don't worry nothing to worry about, etc. I guess I could go into it if you guys need more info, but that's the jist of it. Bread crumbs friendship??? OR Nuclear blockage Texas stand off as far as reconciliation. Thank you for your thoughts, advice and stories. Gasbagy Breadcrumbs would be better for a reconciliation. Means she may want to keep you as a backup/friend. Blocking you outright is more moving on completely.
Liono84 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 You're in for a long road, buddy. I'm sorry that you have to go through with this, but the mentality your carrying is one in which is going to lead to a long recovery time because you are very stuck in the False Hope narrative.... If your breakup is still fairly recent, than it's understandable since we go through different stages and one of them after the immediate aftermath of grieving is denial/carrying out false hope. Just please realize, that once a relationship is over, the odds are usually that 2nd chances are very rare. The odds are very against you. Furthermore, as others here have said before me, NC is not meant to initiate a response from her. It's for your own healing, You're not going to wake up next week or month and all of a sudden completely forget about her, but I promise, eventually it will happen, and it only does happen once you go complete NC and stop living with that false hope narrative (aka cancer in the healing process).
Author gasbagy Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 You're in for a long road, buddy. I'm sorry that you have to go through with this, but the mentality your carrying is one in which is going to lead to a long recovery time because you are very stuck in the False Hope narrative.... If your breakup is still fairly recent, than it's understandable since we go through different stages and one of them after the immediate aftermath of grieving is denial/carrying out false hope. Just please realize, that once a relationship is over, the odds are usually that 2nd chances are very rare. The odds are very against you. Furthermore, as others here have said before me, NC is not meant to initiate a response from her. It's for your own healing, You're not going to wake up next week or month and all of a sudden completely forget about her, but I promise, eventually it will happen, and it only does happen once you go complete NC and stop living with that false hope narrative (aka cancer in the healing process). Yeah I'm pretty messed up. I was blind sided and it was realy traumatic. The breakup wasn't bad I just didn't take it well it's been really rough. I couldn't play it off like it didn't mean anything... It's going on 5 months now since she called off the wedding and left me.
marky00 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) BU was very bad back in Feb. She ended it brutally. I broke contact a few times a couple of months apart just to get a feel for things... wondering if a reconciliation was possible. A dumper usually wont block you unless u blow up their phone etc. They already hurt u big time.... so they will avoid being extra cruel thereafter. Its now almost a year and I got an sms msg a few days ago asking me to call her. Well, I have decided to not respond and use that msg as my point in trying to go NC for good. The way I see it.... that sends a strong msg saying I'm over it and if anything needs to be said.... she can come out and say it..... otherwise its meaningless. I really have come to the conclusion that if a recon is to occur your best bet is to contact maybe once or twice, reach out to show you still care and aren't all bitter and twisted about it..... then drop off the face of the earth. That is the best way. Edited January 5, 2016 by marky00 1
Author gasbagy Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 "Its now almost a year and I got an sms msg a few days ago asking me to call her. Well, I have decided to not respond and use that msg as my point in trying to go NC for good. " So it took a year for her to want to contact her again? As for me I've had all my prior exes come back to me and want to try a relationship again in one way or another. That's why I was hoping this one would come back someday too. I treated her the even better than the ones previous to her if that was even possible. The difference here is We wanted different things. And it looks like she chose a different path in life right now in her home country instead of starting a life here with me. Talking to one of my previous ex's she told me she came back because I never gave up and always kept reaching out to her. But this is a whole different ball game with my current ex since it seems life in america and me is something she doesn't want.
Author gasbagy Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 Breadcrumbs would be better for a reconciliation. Means she may want to keep you as a backup/friend. Blocking you outright is more moving on completely. It's true.. One of my previous exe's came back to me after a year of begging her and trying my hardest to reach out to her. She kept telling me she was happy with her new man etc, etc. But I finally broke through to her...after she got pregnant with the guy she left me for... I know begging or reaching out works because it has in my past. But after reading all this no contact full blockout stuff I thought it would be better since all the pros recommend it... Shrugs* I guess the I think i learned through everyone here that the no contact getting blocked route isn't the correct method to use.. I goofed I could have kept trying to reach out to her. But I didn't want to be nagging her etc..
DrMario Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 My last girlfriend blocked me right off the bat, which forced me to accept the hard truth that it was over and she wasn't coming back, had she been lobbing mushrooms in my face, I would have probably dwelled and I wouldn't have moved on as I have right now, she was cruel to be kind in her own way, gave me blunt and cold answers to my questions that killed off all hope. It would have been nice if down the line she could have sent me something meaningful to reflect on but if all I am to get is "Hi" then I see no point and I'm glad she didn't bother.
Blanco Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 OP, I can assure you that most emotionally healthy people don't find it appealing for an ex to chronically reach out and beg for reconciliation after they've been dumped. The ex you mentioned probably came back to you because her relationship was failing / lousy and she knew that you were a safe bet. Why are you two not together now? I know what it's like to put your life on hold hoping someone comes back. I think it's justified to take some time after a breakup to recover, heal, and improve. But I've never gained anything from the act of pausing my life because I thought an ex might come back. All it did was keep my stuck while they were out continuing on with their lives. Honestly, I think that ex of yours implanted an unhealthy, faulty lesson in your mind; that being, you should pause your life in between begging an ex to come back. Trust me, most people don't go in for that. 2
Author gasbagy Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 "OP, I can assure you that most emotionally healthy people don't find it appealing for an ex to chronically reach out and beg for reconciliation after they've been dumped. The ex you mentioned probably came back to you because her relationship was failing / lousy and she knew that you were a safe bet. Why are you two not together now? I know what it's like to put your life on hold hoping someone comes back. I think it's justified to take some time after a breakup to recover, heal, and improve. But I've never gained anything from the act of pausing my life because I thought an ex might come back. All it did was keep my stuck while they were out continuing on with their lives. Honestly, I think that ex of yours implanted an unhealthy, faulty lesson in your mind; that being, you should pause your life in between begging an ex to come back. Trust me, most people don't go in for that." She did have lots of problems.. but I could tell that this particular previous ex really truly loved me. We're not together because she came back to me pregnant with the other guy's kid... She conceived when I reached out to her with an email trying to get her back and she declined saying she was with a great guy bla bla bla... I was still considering getting back with her when I met my current ex. She "saved" me from going back to my prego ex. Now that she's gone and won't come back... I'm thinking about going back to my ex that loved me and still says does. The one that got pregnant and had her kid...
Author gasbagy Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 Blanco what you said makes sense. My current ex is a babe and gets hit on wherever she goes with guys drooling for her. I don't think she has reason to come back for me. She can have anyone she wants and knows she doesnt want america or me... much different situations. Basically I'm getting at I hear what your saying Blanco
mightycpa Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 What is best is to take the hint, and develop the strength and self-discipline to give the girl you supposedly love exactly what she wants. You don't want breadcrumbs, and if you never make any type of contact, you'll have no way to know if you're blocked or not. That is what is best.
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