FadedSign52 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I am new to this whole online dating thing. So I've set up a 3rd date with the first girl I met up with after starting this adventure. I'm still pinching myself she is willing to date me, she is really really nice and I think she really likes me also. I know she is still dating other people (the topic came up) also so its not like we are exclusive which wouldn't be expected so soon anyway. At the same time I am getting messages from other girls that also seem very nice. One in particular that wants to meet up also. I'd really like to pursue this first girl but at the same time I don't want to burn the others. How do deal with this? There's no nice way to tell someone that I'll get back to them in a couple of weeks is there?
Mrin Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Sure thing man. This is quite common. Here are a few ideas - do the one that feels most right to you: - fake a work thing: just tell her that you're swamped at work/school for the next couple of weeks and keep the text thing going. - meet her: nothing wrong with a meet up to see if there is a there there. Sometimes this can bring perspective to girls #1 and #2 - honesty: tell her that you don't multidate and that you met someone and feel like you need to see it through. If she is mature she won't take it as a rejection and might even be a bit more intrigued by your honesty and the fact that other women find you appealing. - be a playa: just string her along and make up all sorts of lame excuses for not meeting her I've often found that being direct is the best course of action. Don't expect her to wait around. Then again, you're only 2 dates into this other women so there is nothing wrong with meeting girl #2. I mean lets face it - what if girl #2 is the love of your life. Don't miss the chance That being said - back when I was dating I was a multi dating machine. But when I met my soulmate I knew it from date #2 and proactively waived off the other four women and took my profile down. I just knew... 1
NoLeafClover Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) I am new to this whole online dating thing. So I've set up a 3rd date with the first girl I met up with after starting this adventure. I'm still pinching myself she is willing to date me, she is really really nice and I think she really likes me also. I know she is still dating other people (the topic came up) also so its not like we are exclusive which wouldn't be expected so soon anyway. At the same time I am getting messages from other girls that also seem very nice. One in particular that wants to meet up also. I'd really like to pursue this first girl but at the same time I don't want to burn the others. How do deal with this? There's no nice way to tell someone that I'll get back to them in a couple of weeks is there? You must be new to this...didn't you know....they either don't come at all...or all at once..with me, it's never one at a time. Wait till you are taken and you get options left and right THEN you really have to say no..that's even worse lol My advise to you..date them all and don't say nothing to anyone. When you feel like you found her, start ghosting away to the others. It happens all the time. Edited January 5, 2016 by NoLeafClover 1
Author FadedSign52 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 Haha yeah they do all seem to come at once Thank you for the advice guys!! I think I'll meet the second girl for coffee Sunday then. I must admit it feels very strange doing this but I suppose this is how dating works these days. It'll help me feel better if things do not go so well Saturday to have something lined up for Sunday
Lois_Griffin Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 FadedSign, you're doing nothing wrong by meeting others. That's what DATING is - seeing people to decide which one you ultimately click with and want to move forward with. Don't put all your eggs in one basket - especially if the owner of said basket is dating multiple people. You don't owe anyone fidelity at this point as you haven't committed to anyone. The alternative is to sit home while this girl continues dating. That's foolish. 2
PegNosePete Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 its not like we are exclusive which wouldn't be expected so soon anyway. I suppose this is how dating works these days. I think you need to forge your own opinions rather than being led by your perception of other people's... Some people like to multi-date. Others don't. Some like to date 3 months before being exclusive, others expect exclusivity from the first date. Dating "works" however you decide it works. You are not an idle observer in this process. You are part of the society that makes these "rules". In this case I'm with the others, though. You've only met #1 twice. Meet the new one and see how it goes. If you decide you want to be exclusive with #1 (or #2 or #3) then ask. Who cares what "convention" says about how long you should be dating before being exclusive? If you want it then go for it. If she says yes, then all good. If she says no, move on. 1
Erik30 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Go ahead and also date the other girls. You're not exclusive and she already told you she's seeing other guys. This way you'll also won't get too attached to this girl, and you'll have some "options" left if she decides to pick some other guy over you. Maybe you'll even end up liking one of these girls more than her. 1
Author FadedSign52 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 Thank you all again, this does make me feel better about it! I spent a good 5-6 hours with girl #1 yesterday and started to really really like her so it just feels weird and she seemed eager when we set up date 3. I do tend to get attached easily I think.
Gaeta Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Faded: What is your goal in dating? Is it to find someone you like enough to date exclusively? Or it's to become a serial dater? If you have met the girl 3-4 times just tell her you like her and would like to date exclusively. OF COURSE she is dating others - she will till someone will lock her down in exclusivity. So will it be YOU or it will be the next one who'll be quicker then YOU to ask her?? At some point someone has to stop that none-sense multi-dating. WE WOMEN expect the MAN to bring up exclusivity. She will multi date till YOU ask her to date exclusively. And lastly. I will give you a great advice I got from a friend. ONCE you've found someone nice - STOP looking for someone better. Each exclusive relationship I had we became exclusive after 3-4 dates, no more. It's not a marriage, it's not an engagement, it's not a commitment. It's just agreeing to concentrate on each other for the time being. Isn't it why we are all online? 2
Author FadedSign52 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 Faded: What is your goal in dating? Is it to find someone you like enough to date exclusively? Or it's to become a serial dater? If you have met the girl 3-4 times just tell her you like her and would like to date exclusively. OF COURSE she is dating others - she will till someone will lock her down in exclusivity. So will it be YOU or it will be the next one who'll be quicker then YOU to ask her?? At some point someone has to stop that none-sense multi-dating. WE WOMEN expect the MAN to bring up exclusivity. She will multi date till YOU ask her to date exclusively. And lastly. I will give you a great advice I got from a friend. ONCE you've found someone nice - STOP looking for someone better. Each exclusive relationship I had we became exclusive after 3-4 dates, no more. It's not a marriage, it's not an engagement, it's not a commitment. It's just agreeing to concentrate on each other for the time being. Isn't it why we are all online? I totally agree with you! Based on my past I am the very opposite of a maximizer which is probably not good either. I do not want to be dating forever at all I enjoy being IN a relationship not this online dating process. I have other things I'd like to do on my weekends also She indicated that she is dating others which is natural we've only seen each other twice. She did say I was her favorite though. I think she has been dating for a long time which makes me think she is someone who may be always looking for the next "slightly better guy" and never ready to commit but not sure. I have not reached out to other women they have contacted me and asked to meet - fair is fair.
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