em88 Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 my bf and i had a rocky start. my parents hated him. i had to fight for him. he stood by me through the whole thing and was not willing to let go of me. things started getting shaky. my parents started accepting him. he started getting insecure. we fought. but honestly, good always outwieghed the bad. we always got through problems together and talked about it. i feel i took advantage of the fact that he always gave into me and i always got the last say. we always did what i wanted. he got tired of always giving in. but i never thought it was as bad as breaking up. the other night, in the heat of an argument, he said he wanted to break up. we are both very impulsive people. in the back of my mind, i knew he would call back. he did. we talked about what we wanted to change about our relationship and each other. things were back to normal. he told me he loved me more becasue of it. the next day, i felt hurt and rejected. i needed his comfort that it wouldnt happen again. so i told him i didnt want to be with him, in hopes he would validate me and our relationship. but it backfired. he said, i made the final decsion. and completely shut off. he wouldnt even talk to me or explain anything. he was always the one in the relationship who wanted to make things work. i guess he just got tired of it. i told him i faked it, that i needed him. he just told me he didnt love me enough to make it work. i am so confused. how can he go from love to not loving enough to try? did my impulsiveness get the better of me? i need to know what he thinks and feels. i need to talk to him but i am scared. please help me out.
Merin Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 Games... See call me crazy but yeah... why people do things like this is beyond me. You told him you didn't want to be with him anymore hoping he would beg, plead, cry and IMO that isn't okay and that isn't caring about someone. Why would you want to hurt the person you're suppose to be loving? Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it....
Author em88 Posted June 3, 2005 Author Posted June 3, 2005 the thing is, he did it too. and i just feel so horrible about it. i want to make it better and talk and understand. what is the best thing to do?
Merin Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 Originally posted by em88 the thing is, he did it too. and i just feel so horrible about it. i want to make it better and talk and understand. what is the best thing to do? While it may be true that he did this as well... I guess I wonder how it made you feel when he did? This isn't a healthy way for either one of you to behave... it's hurtful. At this point IF the 2 of you can talk and IF the 2 of you are willing to try this again then IMO a lot needs to change in how you're dealing with issues in the relationship and how you're (both) getting your needs met...
Author em88 Posted June 3, 2005 Author Posted June 3, 2005 i know. i just really love him but i dont want to force it. im just such an impatient person. and i already asked himf for a second chance but he said no. honestly, i just wish we could talk about it because i know its about communication problems we had. am i kidding myself? or will some time heal both of us? and help us realize what we want?
Merin Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 Originally posted by em88 i know. i just really love him but i dont want to force it. im just such an impatient person. and i already asked himf for a second chance but he said no. honestly, i just wish we could talk about it because i know its about communication problems we had. am i kidding myself? or will some time heal both of us? and help us realize what we want? Time heals everything and often offers us a different perspective.. Honestly though IMO the issues in your relationship weren't limited to communication problems, they are/were also about the struggle for power and control in the relationship... A good place to look is within... to understand why it was the both of you needed the upperhand so to speak...
outdated Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 In my opinion, there's no reason you two should get back together right away. Nothing will be learned and therefore, nothing will be gained. You need to take some time off, and impatience is not sexy. He has asked for space, asked for time and asked for the relationship to end. You really can't do anything right now except respect what he wants. Work on yourself. Allow yourself time to realize what went wrong in the relationship and try to make these things better. If it doesn't work out with him, at least you won't make the same mistakes with someone else.
Author em88 Posted June 3, 2005 Author Posted June 3, 2005 thanks. you know, i hate myself for stooping down to the level of begging. but i honestly could not control myself. or at least i thought that was the way to do it. how long should i give it? i know he wont call me. he believes in total NC. nothing at all.
scarlyjones Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 Yes,.........time heals. But I have a feeling you're hoping I mean that times heals and then you and him will get back together. That isnt healthy. Time heals but afterwards you probably wont WANT HIM ! Yup,..its true. I agree with Merin. You DONT pretend to feel ONE way.....when you REALLY feel another way.....hoping to GET something. That is sooooooo selfish. This is the person you are supposed to care about. Why would you want to manipulate them so? Thats hurtful. Thats deceiving. Misleading and all about you, you, you. Then you got exactly the opposite of what you wanted and expected. No offense, but, I almost smiled with pleasure when I read where it backfired on you. Im not happy you got dumped, but,...I was happy you got "called out" (so to speak) God has a funny way of calling us on our sh*t when we try to shoot moves.
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