itsdinaah Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 The guy I'm talking to is such an emotional manipulator. He's always making me feel guilty, constantly lying and playing victim like he never does anything wrong. Every time I try to confront him he makes me feel bad. I'm not sure how to deal with him. He's a nice guy but I feel like there's something psychological boiling under the surface.
losangelena Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Well the short, easy answer is to break up. How long have you been together, and what would be your reason to stay with someone like this?
Author itsdinaah Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 We're dating, he's actually an ex I'm talking to again. I want to have a talk to him before I stop contacting him for good. I'm not sure how to even get my point across since he never admits his mistakes.
Redhead14 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 The guy I'm talking to is such an emotional manipulator. He's always making me feel guilty, constantly lying and playing victim like he never does anything wrong. Every time I try to confront him he makes me feel bad. I'm not sure how to deal with him. He's a nice guy but I feel like there's something psychological boiling under the surface. He's always making me feel guilty, constantly lying and playing victim like he never does anything wrong. He's a nice guy These two statements contradict one another. You are lying to yourself if you believe the second statement. Tell him you've enjoyed the time you've spent with him but the relationship isn't what you want for yourself and GO NO CONTACT. If you don't do that, you're the one with something psychological boiling under the surface. Be a strong, confident, independent, secure woman you are and move on. 3
losangelena Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 We're dating, he's actually an ex I'm talking to again. I want to have a talk to him before I stop contacting him for good. I'm not sure how to even get my point across since he never admits his mistakes. This seems like a waste of time/energy to me. He probably won't benefit from a conversation like that, and neither will you.
Author itsdinaah Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 I just want him to feel bad but that's probably not possible. I guess part of me is hoping he'll change which won't happen either.
losangelena Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I just want him to feel bad but that's probably not possible. I guess part of me is hoping he'll change which won't happen either. Yep, totally understand the impulse, but I doubt either one is in the cards. Sorry.
Redhead14 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I just want him to feel bad but that's probably not possible. I guess part of me is hoping he'll change which won't happen either. I just want him to feel bad -- So, basically, you just want to be like him? Be dignified and don't lower yourself to his level. Thank him for the time you've spent and move on. Doing anything else, makes you another "crazy ex". 6
xcupid Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 You deal with it by not having him in your life. Go no contact. He's not going to change so don't even try. PS. He's NOT a nice guy. Nice guys don't do that. 4
Buddhist Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 The guy I'm talking to is such an emotional manipulator. He's always making me feel guilty, constantly lying and playing victim like he never does anything wrong. Every time I try to confront him he makes me feel bad. I'm not sure how to deal with him. He's a nice guy but I feel like there's something psychological boiling under the surface. The only fix for these types is to get rid of them. You're right there is something psychological going on it's called projection and it's a way to protect a fragile ego. Until such time as he grows the hell up, this is a lost cause. FYI - He's not a nice guy. He's an emotional manipulator, liar and tries to make you feel bad about yourself. Nothing nice about it. 1
smackie9 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Seriously the only way to get back at him is to completely cut him off....go no contact/ delete/ block. When you stop responding to him, he no longer has any control over you....get it? BTW, manipulation is emotional abuse. He isn't a nice guy, he is an abuser. 6
GemmaUK Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 It's a complete waste of time to explain anything to him. He will just continue to manipulate you and it will get worse over time. You need to run from this guy. 1
jen1447 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 He's always making me feel guilty, constantly lying and playing victim like he never does anything wrong. He's a nice guy These two statements contradict one another. You are lying to yourself if you believe the second statement. Tell him you've enjoyed the time you've spent with him but the relationship isn't what you want for yourself and GO NO CONTACT. If you don't do that, you're the one with something psychological boiling under the surface. Be a strong, confident, independent, secure woman you are and move on. And it's impossible to 'win' (iow get any satisfaction) w/that approach anyway bc he's not playing by the rules to begin with. Means it's pointless to try.
Wewon Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 The guy I'm talking to is such an emotional manipulator. He's always making me feel guilty, constantly lying and playing victim like he never does anything wrong. Every time I try to confront him he makes me feel bad. I'm not sure how to deal with him. He's a nice guy but I feel like there's something psychological boiling under the surface. You get the F*(# out of there, that's how you deal with him. The problem with manipulators is that you will never get an even break. He will deny that he's manipulating and then double down on the manipulation itself. You're never going to feel good about being with him simply because of the way that he acts when things don't go his way. 1
Author itsdinaah Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 The last time we talked I ended up insulting him so he's been avoiding me and I haven't made an effort to contact him. We were friends before and then he turned into this person I don't recognize anymore. I think I'll just let it slow fade and change my number so he can contact me in the future.
Author itsdinaah Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 Why do people turn into emotional manipulators? Is it subconsciously or traumatic events in their past?
carhill Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Psychologists do PhD papers on the whys. What I've noticed as an older guy is, once one starts valuing humans less, it's easy to see them as objects, pawns, and one can move them around and use them with less care or concern, or none. Some folks are socialized into that mindset, some gain it over time, some never get there. It all depends. My version was, between what I experienced being married and watching how people whom my mother had cared about so much through her life abandon her when she became demented, a switch got thrown and my former care and valuation for humans has lessened. The boundaries of socialization are still there but, whoa, if they weren't, it'd be a field day. Some folks never get strongly imprinted messages from positive role models and find their own way. Sometimes they go through life valuing others or at least not hurting them; others find the abyss. Each path is unique. I recall, when our psychologist interviewed my exW and I separately prior to starting MC, after reviewing our family histories his comment was he wondered how we ever got married in the first place. I didn't understand the significance of that comment until getting into the psychological analysis much later. Life, at all stages of it, affects us. His work opened my eyes to accepting it. IMO, if one is feeling manipulated, the healthy thing to do is walk away, regardless of who it is. Everyone lives another day and the interaction, and manipulation, is discontinued. It's a choice one can make for their own health. 1
truth_seeker Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 The guy I'm talking to is such an emotional manipulator. He's always making me feel guilty, constantly lying and playing victim like he never does anything wrong. Every time I try to confront him he makes me feel bad. I'm not sure how to deal with him. He's a nice guy but I feel like there's something psychological boiling under the surface. He is NOT a nice guy. Stop making excuses for this jerk and do not speak to him anymore. 1
al78 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Why do people turn into emotional manipulators? Is it subconsciously or traumatic events in their past? Profile of the Sociopath 2
venusishername Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) The guy I'm talking to is such an emotional manipulator. He's always making me feel guilty, constantly lying and playing victim like he never does anything wrong. Every time I try to confront him he makes me feel bad. I'm not sure how to deal with him. He's a nice guy but I feel like there's something psychological boiling under the surface. Then you should respect and listen to your instincts and cut out toxic people from your life. The best way to 'deal' with someone emotionally manipulative is to not allow them to take up any of your precious time, energy, and thoughts. No reason to stay in a relationship with a person like this, not even if you think he's a nice guy sometimes. I'm sure he has attractive and appealing qualities apart from being emotionally manipulative, playing victim, lying, not accepting responsibility for his actions, shifting blame, and making YOU feel crazy. People like this generally have some charming qualities too that makes you create excuses for staying. Get out while you can, trust me from personal experience, two times over. I regret the days I felt what you did and didn't delete these people from my life. I promise that it will not improve. No amount of 'confronting' him will change it. Remember this: you can't talk sane to a crazy person. You will never, ever be on the same page, unless you yourself are crazy enough to subject yourself to this person's abuse. Edited January 5, 2016 by venusishername 1
Author itsdinaah Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 He's definitely hurt me more times than I can count. I guess I just wanted him to feel bad for hurting me but he's incapable of that. Thanks everyone for your advice
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