11012015 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 The last girl I dated tested me quite a bit. Interestingly, every time I passed one of her tests, tests would get weirder and more unpleasant (as if I had been upgraded to another level in the video game -- worthy to date test, date to bf test, spine/backbone test, push/pull test, marriage-material test, etc.). I had been away from the scene for a while so I didn't see those unexplainable behavior (which I now know were tests) coming and was confused for the majority of the time. Ladies: - Why do you test a guy? Is it conscious or unconscious? - When do you test a guy? At what stage? What frequency? - How do you test a guy? Examples would be great.
losangelena Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I don't understand tests. Please explain/give examples. 2
Ami1uwant Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Where are the whips snd chains.....She is weird....
Author 11012015 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 I don't understand tests. Please explain/give examples. I believe they are also known as "sh*t tests."
losangelena Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I believe they are also known as "sh*t tests." But what, specifically, are they? I guess I don't do them cos I don't even know what they are. What's a sh*t test? 4
katiegrl Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I don't understand tests. Please explain/give examples. I concur with losangelina ....I cannot relate. Can you give an example of each of these *tests*? Fascinating. 1
newmoon Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 i do it. it's a conscious choice most of the time; i'm aware of what i'm doing. although, sometimes, it just happens. most of the guys can pick up on 'tests' - almost all of them have called me out every time. i usually do it later in the relationship and not at the start... as things progress i get more insecure, i guess? which is why i do it... to see how much he really like me, how far i can push him, etc.
katiegrl Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Can someone give examples? newmoon, what do you do to test him? Intentionally not be available... or intentionally ignore him? Flirt with another guy in front of him? I wonder if I do...but not intentionally and don't realize it? And what is the difference between *testing* and simply doing things to protect your own heart to avoid getting hurt ...or choosing the wrong partner?
mrldii Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 The only *test* I do - and it is absolutely, positively, without-a-doubt, done on purpose is sit back and watch a guy be himself, all on his own...with perhaps the occasional gentle prodding and *encouragement* from me. These tactics are also known as "giving another person enough rope..." and "kicking [it] back into play". These *tests* have never failed me, yet! 7
FadedSign52 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Intentionally not be available... or intentionally ignore him? Flirt with another guy in front of him? This would backfire if I was on the receiving end. Fascinating thread, please do tell what you girls do to test us 1
thecrucible Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 The "is he listening?" test. When you mention something in a previous conversation and see if he remembers it a few days later. Some guys don't pass this test! It's not really a test but if he notices something you like and remembers it for a romantic gesture, that's really awesome. Oh...the "does he actually stick to his word?" test. This is the 'not a test' test when you remember things he said and see if he follows through and is a man of his word. I have a habit of remembering a lot and being able to quote it back to the guy at an opportune moment. 1
katiegrl Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 This would backfire if I was on the receiving end. Assuming you knew it was intentional. How *would* you know though, right? I mean she could be legit busy ....you would have no way of knowing if it was a test or legit. I have been accused by men of testing ...for not being available sometimes, or not answering my phone. ....or for interacting with men (and women) at a party, etc. (jealousy test)....or for even just asking a guy how he feels about marriage (in general.....not with me!) When in fact I *was* legit busy ..did not hear the phone, like to mingle at parties, and simply wanted to know how he feels about marriage in general! Pissed me off to get accused of *testing* when I was doing no such thing. That is why I asked OP for examples. His ex's so called *testing* could be a figment of his imagination ...based on his own fears, insecurities, anxieties, whatevs.
katiegrl Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) The "is he listening?" test. When you mention something in a previous conversation and see if he remembers it a few days later. Some guys don't pass this test! It's not really a test but if he notices something you like and remembers it for a romantic gesture, that's really awesome. Oh...the "does he actually stick to his word?" test. This is the 'not a test' test when you remember things he said and see if he follows through and is a man of his word. I have a habit of remembering a lot and being able to quote it back to the guy at an opportune moment. IMO, those are not tests. Those are just things done (and not even intentionally) in order to determine whether or not someone is right for you, and has the qualities you need and desire in a partner. It is called paying attention to words and actions to see if they match.. Which is not a test .....just smart dating! Edited January 5, 2016 by katiegrl 3
FadedSign52 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Assuming you knew it was intentional. How *would* you know though, right? I mean she could be legit busy ....you would have no way of knowing if it was a test or legit. I have been accused by men of testing ...for not being available sometimes, or not answering my phone. ....or for interacting with men (and women) at a party, etc. (jealousy test)....or for even just asking a guy how he feels about marriage (in general.....not with me!) When in fact I *was* legit busy ..did not hear the phone, like to mingle at parties, and simply wanted to know how he feels about marriage in general! Pissed me off to get accused of *testing* when I was doing no such thing. That is why I asked OP for examples. His ex's so called *testing* could be a figment of his imagination ...based on his own fears, insecurities, anxieties, whatevs. True. But if someone consistently takes forever to respond to texts for example I just automatically assume there is low interest and move on. My interest level drops. And there's a difference between mingling and flirting. I guess I am just not a big believer in the guy chasing after the women even though she does shows signs of disinterest. That would just turn me away. I'm just saying that these kinds of "tests" may have the effect of turning someone away that is not into these kinds of games.
katiegrl Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 True. But if someone consistently takes forever to respond to texts for example I just automatically assume there is low interest and move on. My interest level drops. And there's a difference between mingling and flirting. I guess I am just not a big believer in the guy chasing after the women even though she does shows signs of disinterest. That would just turn me away. I'm just saying that these kinds of "tests" may have the effect of turning someone away that is not into these kinds of games. I am not a believer in guy chasing girl either .. IMO dating/relationships should be reciprocal. I guess my point was that it may NOT be a test or game at all....she may be either legitimately super busy, or just not interested, in which case you or any guy is right to walk. 1
Author 11012015 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 His ex's so called *testing* could be a figment of his imagination ...based on his own fears, insecurities, anxieties, whatevs. Nope. Wrong. She admitted it. And this concept is not something new. I am surprised in a relationship forum like this people act like they don't know what I am talking about.
katiegrl Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) Nope. Wrong. She admitted it. And this concept is not something new. I am surprised in a relationship forum like this people act like they don't know what I am talking about. I am not denying tests exist ....what I said was I can't relate because I don't play games like that. And offered an alternative theory... And I asked for examples dude ....to understand better what you *do* mean and *are* talking about...which you have failed to provide. Edited January 5, 2016 by katiegrl
NoLeafClover Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Sounds immature tbh..but what do I know.. I only do my tests in bed
Zippy2000 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Must mean: Eye test Memory test Colour blindness test Urine test Pyschicatric test Anyone think of any other tests? 2
Toodaloo Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Nope. Wrong. She admitted it. I know exactly what you are talking about. When someone does this to me I walk. People who do this are insecure and dimwitted. Neither of which are qualities I find attractive. This girl is an idiot. Walk away before you get hurt or end up in a hellish relationship because believe you me you will and it will be because you "gave her a chance". The "tests" never end and get more weird, freaky and ultimately dull. You end up on the edge of your seat too scared to breathe. Go out with girls who want to get to know you rather than test you constantly.
Wewon Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Test can take all forms, but they usually end with the woman drawing some conclusion about the guy that is out of proportion from the information gathered. Example would be threads where someone post, "Last night my boyfriend fell asleep while watching my favorite movie, Twilight, for the 10th time. He said that he fell asleep because it was 2AM and he has to work in the morning. If he really loved me wouldn't he make this sacrifice? Isn't a healthy relationship about compromise and give-and-take?" The one thing about this idea of women testing men that has always puzzled me is why to so many men strut and take pride in passing the silliest and most degrading of test. For me, there has always been something inherently degrading in a person deliberately setting a series of 'traps' and sitting back and judging me for "worthiness" to spend time with them. Don't get me wrong, we all need to have ways to evaluate if a mate is a good match, but if the test isn't organic, or doesn't have some way to weed out other influences, then it really is more about the biases of the person testing. And it doesn't say too many good things about the tester.
MoreAmore Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I have not done this in most my relationships but for some reason felt more insecurity in this one and tested the f out of him, mainly unconsciously, for self preservation. It's embarrassing to admit but I can clearly see it in retrospect. In the end, I felt very loved that he stepped up to all of them... And stopped.
xcupid Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 If someone is "testing" you then it's a good reason to find someone else IMO. Dumb and immature. 2
Gaeta Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 The last girl I dated tested me quite a bit. Interestingly, every time I passed one of her tests, tests would get weirder and more unpleasant (as if I had been upgraded to another level in the video game -- worthy to date test, date to bf test, spine/backbone test, push/pull test, marriage-material test, etc.). I had been away from the scene for a while so I didn't see those unexplainable behavior (which I now know were tests) coming and was confused for the majority of the time. Ladies: - Why do you test a guy? Is it conscious or unconscious? - When do you test a guy? At what stage? What frequency? - How do you test a guy? Examples would be great. I don't put men through tests. I am too old, too busy for that and I can't remember what I had for breakfast so forget about remembering 'a test'. That being said I am sure some young girls with a lot of time on their hands are subscribing to this type of dating. My question to you is if you know you are being put through a test why do you stick around? 1
katiegrl Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) I don't put men through tests. I am too old, too busy for that and I can't remember what I had for breakfast so forget about remembering 'a test'. That being said I am sure some young girls with a lot of time on their hands are subscribing to this type of dating. My question to you is if you know you are being put through a test why do you stick around? Was wondering that myself (why he stuck around).... I would think the mere fact a man tolerates these shyt tests, long enough to pass them .....would mean he actually *failed* a very important test -- the "having a backbone/not being a doormat" test. Assuming he knew or even suspected he was being tested. Men with a backbone, who don't take this type of crap from women ....wouldn't be sticking around long enough *to* pass them. They would leave. Edited January 5, 2016 by katiegrl 2
Recommended Posts