mimiMobile Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 My ex of 3 years and I split one year ago to date. We never stopped talking save the first few months, when apparently he jumped into bed with his personal trainer that developed into some sort of a relationship until I found out about it. He finally pulled the trigger on her in October and we went back to seeing each other and working through things. My problem is the pace. Because I didn't date or have sex with anyone during our time apart, I've been waiting and craving a relationship adn am ready to pick up where we left off or at minimum at least establish exclusivity. He, on the other hand, says he needs time to be single and figure things out instead of bouncing from one relationship to another because it has been draining for him. I was cool about it at first and gave him space but as more time passes (it's going on 2 months of this now) the clingier I get. I get nervous when he doesn't call or doesn't make plans with me, I'm beginning to feel like I'm slipping. My devil's advocate tells me what is taking him so long? Is this just an excuse for him to remain single so he can date while having me on the back burner? Or does he legitimately need time to himself? What's the code here? He invited me to spend Christmas with him and his family, which I did, and he gave me a beautiful Tiffany's necklace. It was sweet but we haven't had sex at all and he says he doesn't want to until he is ready for a relationship again. It's driving me nuts. I brought it up to him before saying that I"m not comfortable with the pace but am supporting him in his emotional healing because I feel that's the right thing to do - not to pressure someone into a relationship with him. But behind closed doors I feel really insecure. Has anyone gone through something like this? What would your advice to me be? I am not actively seeing / dating others, because I'm wired to be monogamous when I love someone so it's really hard. He is a police officer and works night shifts and weekends. Scheduling makes it difficult to organize any regular hangouts as well. He is 35. I am 28. Thank you.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 You might be wired to be monogamous, but you aren't officially in a relationship, so you are free to see other people. You are single and obviously want to be in a relationship with all the benefits that come with it, which is completely understandable. You aren't getting that from your ex. It isn't fair for you to have to wait around indefinitely. He can take all the time he wants to be single, but that doesn't mean you should close off other options. I suggest you start dating, and if that is a problem for him, then he needs to step up. At the end of the day this decision can't be about him, it has to be about you and what you want.
Maggie4 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 He doesn't move at your pace, for the same reason you two split up to date. Something was not working then and it was not fixed, so it's still not working now. In a relationship that is working out, people don't randomly split up to date just for fun.
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