Gretzky99 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 I was dumped around 5.5 months ago by my ex. It's been a long journey and I still find myself thinking about her, but I have finally accepted that it's over and that she ain't coming back... Over the past 2 months, I've made some really big strides. The biggest stride for me has been in finally coming to terms that she is never going to reconcile with me. The False Hope is finally dead and that has helped my progress immensely. I've also started going out again. I've gone out more than I've ever done in the past several years and met some new people, too. I've gone on a few dates as well. However, the BIG PROBLEM for me is that I think I find myself ALWAYS comparing every damn girl to my most recent ex. I know it's bad and I know I shouldn't because everyone is different but I can't stop it. It's always comparing them in the sense that they don't measure up in this department or that department, instead of focusing on other positive potential traits. For instance, I went on a few dates with a girl who was cute and very likeable, but part of the reason why I stopped talking to her was because I felt that she was way too outgoing for my taste and I prefer a girl like my ex who was a little more low-key, reserved, for a lack of a better. I also went on a few dates with another girl who I again, initially liked, but couldn't get over the fact that she had no college education, no aspirations and I started comparing her to my ex who is about to graduate from a top-tier university and has more aspirations and career focused. The thing is, I don't know whether or not I stopped going out with these two because they weren't compatible with my tastes/preferences or because I kept comparing them to my most recent ex. Whatever the case, it's got me depressed because I don't want to be labeled as one of those people who continuously compares everyone to their ex because that's dangerous. Has anyone else been through this after a breakup? If so, how did you manage to overcome it? In my case, do you think it just had to do with meeting non-compatible matches or is it indeed the case of comparing everything/everyone to my ex?
K2z Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I think it's normal. Mine left in April and was MARRIED to another guy by November. Nevertheless I still view all dating and activities as time fillers that are a distant qualitative second place to being with her. I will probably feel that way for a long time. It's an aching vacuum.
erklat Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I had two times the same situation you describe with university and aspirations. Not university per se, I have one exam left after almost a decade so I'm basically a dropout too but that didn't prevent me from becoming an expert with more lucrative job than most of other people I know who did everything on time. It's the lack of interests that is the problem here, especially since I accomplished everything after the breakup that snapped me like a twig. Also it's possible that your self esteem is so low now that you 'deliberately' go out with women you know are lower than you on the social ladder, but that will pass if you keep rediscovering yourself during this time.
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