moonflower Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Dear Loveshack community, I wanted to share with all of you my latest discovery about why my boyfriend broke up with me. I have been doing a lot of thinking and I feel like my brain is doing this endlessly, even while I am sleeping. I am going through a wheel of emotions during the day, including guilt, sadness and loss. After all of my thinking process, I found that I am the main reason why he broke up with me and I feel terribly sad and guilty. I wanted to share my story with you. Let me start; Me and my ex boyfriend are both 20 and we began our relationship 3 years ago. He broke up with me on December 29, telling me that he was unsure about me and he did not love me as much as I loved him. Because he could not return love to me, he felt like a bad person and thought that our relationship would not survive anymore and it's not worth trying to stay together as I am going abroad for Erasmus for 5 months. What I found out is that, I loved him so much and I wanted to hug him, kiss him and tell him "I love you" whenever I wanted to since this is what I understand from loving someone. But this scared him since he thought I was not loving myself but just loving him, I lost my balance. He was not like me in terms of putting his emotions into actions. Whenever I felt that I was not loved as much as I wanted to, I brought this issue to him and demanded for his love. This is because I felt rejected when he slept on separate beds instead of sleeping with me, asked me not to kiss him in public, found some of my ways of showing love childish. But actually I now understand that I have been disrespectful to his own way of loving me: I pushed him to show me love the same way I did to him. From his side, I became into someone who made an issue out of nothing about not being loved and I annoyed him. To him, he was giving love in his own capacity but I was still bickering every couple of months. As a result, he got concerned that he did not love me because I made him end up thinking that he didn't love me enough but in reality, he loved me but loved me in his own way. But because I did not have confidence in myself about his love for me, I complained about this a lot and he gave up. I could have tried another way to make things different instead of making him feel bad about himself. I just wanted his love, but now I lost him and I regret my actions. I am the reason why he broke up with me and I feel so guilty. Now there is nothing that I can do to change this, because he doesn't love me anymore..
basil67 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Try not to be too hard on yourself. While there was nothing wrong with his way of showing love, there's nothing wrong with your's either. Yes, you could have accepted his way of showing love, but it wouldn't have met your needs. There are other men out there who are far more demonstrative. When you meet one, you'll find yourself much happier in a relationship.
wildlife.assoc. Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 although I don't have advice, I will say that I did the exact same thing with my ex. I found out today that he told someone he couldn't deal with my mental health issues anymore so he left. I completely relate to you and I currently feel just as terrible. I want him back so badly.
katiegrl Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 (edited) Sweetie, how in the world were you able to figure all this out in six days? It is incredibly insightful and thoughtful... and it sounds like you have learned a very important lesson to take with you into your next relationship. Please try not to feel so guilty...... life and relationships are full of lessons and we mature and grow from each relationship, even if it does not turn out the way we hoped it would.. It took your relationship to end for you to realize all these things ....everything happens for a reason. I think you might hear from him again. If/when you do, perhaps you could explain to him exactly what you said here ....so he does not feel bad or guilty for not loving you the way you expected him to. Everyone loves in their own way. And just like you said, just cause they are not loving us the way we love them, or express that love the way we express it .......does not mean they don't love us. Such an important lesson to learn .....you are only 20....and have the rest of your life ahead of you..... Good luck sweetie ...hope you feel better soon.....and hugs. xo Edited January 4, 2016 by katiegrl
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