GuskeGee Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 How exactly did it start in your past/present relationships? Who initiated? How long did you date before becoming exclusive? How much texting/calling was there and who initiated the most? Were there any games? Did you go on/off before you realized what you wanted? Let's discuss!
d0nnivain Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 There were so many variables. Except for DH all of my relationships came from some type of academic setting. There probably were games when I was younger but nobody knows what they are doing when they 1st start to date. I learned how to text with DH so none of the other relationships had texting; in fact the technology didn't exist. No I never did the on/off thing; to me that is a hallmark of dysfunction & I also can't stand indecisiveness. The amount of time before we were exclusive varied but it was generally between 30-90 days with one notable exception. All of the relationships were with men who I found attractive & interesting.
Tabby32 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 All my relationships have been exclusive pretty much from the start, as I prefer to focus on one person who I really like, although it might take a while for one of you to say it's official. When I was younger I dated men who played a lot of games and also some very controlling/abusive men. I think as you get older your confidence grows and you get to see the warning signs early on and steer clear of those people. My longest relationship was with the love of my life and lasted for 10 years before he very suddenly passed away. He was only in his 30s and it destroyed me. We had friends in common and we got to know each other as friends while we were both seeing other people. We first met when I walked into a shop he was working in and we just clicked immediately. I would find excuses to walk past just to have a cup of tea and a chat with him. He was a very confident guy but would get nervous around me. I found it really cute. Although nothing happened between us until we were both single, we always had an amazing connection. We were a great match physically and emotionally. It took him longer to open up than me, but we said we loved each other after 2 months and really meant it. We were very intense at the start, had a few problems after 8 years but got back on track. We never played games, we were just madly in love and enjoying every minute of it. It took me several years of heartache to feel ready to think about dating again after my partner died. I had several disaster dates and one really bad relationship before meeting my current boyfriend. It is still early days and I am being cautious and taking things slowly. We met online on a dating site. I don't think there's any game playing, other than that I will sometimes try to appear busier than I am as I don't want to be too available.
Gemma1 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Met my husband through couchsurfing, I hosted him while he was on a cross-country road trip. Stayed in touch for about 1.5 years, we were both in relationships. He was persistent about staying in touch, even when I didn't give him much to go on. He would come stay with me occasionally on other road trips. I knew he was special but he lived in Canada/Massachusetts and I lived in Mississippi so I didn't consider him a dating option. I helped him a little through his breakup with his gf of 5 years during this time. He also dated a few others and we would talk about them when he visited me. One day I randomly invited him to come to TX with me as I was visiting my mom and wanted a friend to hang out with while I was there. I figured he was one of the few people who had the means to travel last minute. He agreed, and it was on that trip that I realized how much he liked me, and how ridiculously awesome he was. We were addicted to each other from that point onwards I think. There weren't any games in the traditional sense. After that trip, we both just knew that we would end up together. It was naive but we believed it. We texted/Facebook messaged *constantly* since we were long distance. About 50/50 on the initiating. We talked about everything under the sun. After 5 months or so we decided to move to Vermont together. He later told me that after he met me for the first time, when he was still with his 5 year girlfriend, he told one of his best friends about me and that he was going to marry me one day. He was half joking of course but it's still pretty funny now. We never did become exclusive, he is allowed to do pretty much whatever he wants so that aspect doesn't reallt apply to us. We had a bunch of long convos in the early days (pre moving in together) about what kind of relationship we wanted and it hasn't changed since then.
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 With my ex husband, we met on a blind date set up by mutual friends. The first night I met him I knew I would marry him. He pursued me and initiated much of our courtship in the beginning of our relationship. We ended up being exclusive almost immediately as well. That relationship lasted 20 years before we amicably divorced about 7 years ago. My most recent relationship was a more unconventional one. We met on a sex site. We started chatting like most people do then quickly moved to phone and then Skype and then decided after about 4 months of daily contact that we needed to meet to see if what we had worked in real life. And it did. We became exclusive and "in a relationship" the first time we finally had "real" sex and stayed together for nearly 3 years. As far as the amount of texting/calling, it was daily and multiple times a day. There was no power struggle between us. Since we met on a progressive site, we were both very comfortable with taking initiative and never felt the need to play any games, unless it was Carcassonne
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Couple of my most serious relationships had this in common: 1. Daily communication from date 1 2. Guys never flaked out on dates 3. Exclusive immediately, no need to guess or have talks 4. Introduced me to family within first 3 months 5. Said "I love you" within the 3 months I met one at a bar, the other through OLD. In both cases we started dating from day 1. 1
Author GuskeGee Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 Couple of my most serious relationships had this in common: 1. Daily communication from date 1 2. Guys never flaked out on dates 3. Exclusive immediately, no need to guess or have talks 4. Introduced me to family within first 3 months 5. Said "I love you" within the 3 months I met one at a bar, the other through OLD. In both cases we started dating from day 1. Did the guy initiate since date 1? Because I sometimes sense that if the guy does it then women tend to say "it moves too fast" and it's over. It's only when the girl is pushing that the daily communication is okay.
Ami1uwant Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 It's been 5 years so I don't recall the details. We met via online dating site. We talked a few times then met face to face in about a week. We had chemistry from the start. It was a very good date. We became bf/gf after the third date in about 2 weeks after talking/texting in between dates. We lasted for over 3.5 yrs.
newmoon Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 most were 'friends first' situations for a few months. or i met them through work/school. always met someone with no help from friends or online, just being alone and friendly. i am the initiator (female) almost every time, which is why i think they ultimately fail.
thecrucible Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 1st serious relationship we met in a student bar at university through a mutual friend. We ended up playing a game of pool together and got together the week after. It all happened really quickly. I was 17 and naive and silly. We lasted a year but it wasn't the best relationship. 2nd serious relationship was with a guy at university who I knew from seeing him hanging out in places that I did. He once asked me to join him to watch a film but I never took that as a romantic hint and thought it was just a friendly suggestion. Then some months later I decided I liked him so I decided to approach him by leaving him a chocolate eclaire on his desk in the library while he was studying. Then I kind of vanished. Anyway we bumped into each other again and just started hanging out and talking to each other after that and one thing led to another. Haven't had anything serious since. It's all been dates that don't particularly go anywhere and unintentionally short term relationships. I've learned a lot about myself being effectively single for 5 years though.
CollegeKid101 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 #1: Classic high school relationship How exactly did it start in your past/present relationships? -Saw her before one of my soccer games and just knew I wanted to make her mine. Who initiated? I did by getting her number. How long did you date before becoming exclusive? Hung out together for a month, then made her my gf. How much texting/calling was there and who initiated the most? Mutual both ways and communication was 24/7. Were there any games? She had been talking to someone right before me, but she pretty much shot him down once she met me. Did you go on/off before you realized what you wanted? No. We did break up a couple times for a day or 2, but always got back together. I saw her for the first time in 2 years this year and I realized while I'll always have feelings for her. I'll never want to be with her again. Relationship #2.. How exactly did it start in your past/present relationships? We were coworkers at a retail store and she texted me one day asking to cover her shift, we never stopped texting after that. Who initiated? She did. How long did you date before becoming exclusive? I want to say about 2 or 3 months. How much texting/calling was there and who initiated the most? She did, talked pretty much 24/7. Were there any games? She was a bit sketchy at times, but I never really got too upset about things as I believe she was a rebound for me..sadly I realized that toward the end of the relationship. Did you go on/off before you realized what you wanted? She had really bad mental issues and was even suicidal. I realized I'm too young for something this serious and ended it after about 9 months.
thecrucible Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 most were 'friends first' situations for a few months. or i met them through work/school. always met someone with no help from friends or online, just being alone and friendly. i am the initiator (female) almost every time, which is why i think they ultimately fail. Story of my previous relationships :. I'm trying to reverse the trend while not closing myself off entirely. It's hard to strike the balance between showing enough initiative but not too much. Being the initiator has got me into so much hurt in the past so I would honestly rather be alone than force a square peg into a round hole.
Leigh 87 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 All my relationships have been exclusive pretty much from the start, as I prefer to focus on one person who I really like, although it might take a while for one of you to say it's official. When I was younger I dated men who played a lot of games and also some very controlling/abusive men. I think as you get older your confidence grows and you get to see the warning signs early on and steer clear of those people. My longest relationship was with the love of my life and lasted for 10 years before he very suddenly passed away. He was only in his 30s and it destroyed me. We had friends in common and we got to know each other as friends while we were both seeing other people. We first met when I walked into a shop he was working in and we just clicked immediately. I would find excuses to walk past just to have a cup of tea and a chat with him. He was a very confident guy but would get nervous around me. I found it really cute. Although nothing happened between us until we were both single, we always had an amazing connection. We were a great match physically and emotionally. It took him longer to open up than me, but we said we loved each other after 2 months and really meant it. We were very intense at the start, had a few problems after 8 years but got back on track. We never played games, we were just madly in love and enjoying every minute of it. It took me several years of heartache to feel ready to think about dating again after my partner died. I had several disaster dates and one really bad relationship before meeting my current boyfriend. It is still early days and I am being cautious and taking things slowly. We met online on a dating site. I don't think there's any game playing, other than that I will sometimes try to appear busier than I am as I don't want to be too available. Do you think there is more than one "love of your life " Did you feel the same degreeof intensity as you felt with the love of your life? I don't believe I'd date again in your position unless I absolutely felt that the next guy I dated could be it for me too.
Buddhist Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) Who initiated? I did in every single case. How long did you date before becoming exclusive? We were exclusive from first sexual experience in every single case. There was no multi-dating. I don't tolerate it. First sexual experience usually happens very fast too, maybe in the first 5 times of seeing each other or so. If I found out they were seeing other people even prior to that I wouldn't bother seeing them again. So pretty much from the start. I'm only interested in people who are interested in me, not comparison shopping. I won't compete for a man and actually life has taught me I don't have to either. How much texting/calling was there and who initiated the most? None to very little. I'm a fan of face to face communication. I hate texting except for short msgs like....I'm running late, lets reschedule etc..I also don't need to get a phone call daily from a SO in order to believe they are into me. My last partner was texting me 8 times a day love you msgs. It was sweet but totally unnecessary especially as we were living together. Were there any games? No. I don't play games and I don't tolerate people who do. Did you go on/off before you realized what you wanted? No. I always make up my mind about something before I make a move. I'm kind of focused that way. Dithering isn't my bag. I usually stalk, I mean observe, my intended for quite some time (better part of a year) in order to assess their character and whether or not we have enough in common before going there. That was a real challenge for my current boyfriend as he just wanted to jump right in from first sight. I was like......hang on, lets be sensible here, who are you? Edited January 5, 2016 by Buddhist
Gruesome Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 How exactly did it start in your past/present relationships? The current girl I've been working with for 2 1/2 years, we always made each other laugh... She was deemed work wife by the rest of the staff within months. Wrote each other notes to pass the time, recently we've both become single... Started hanging out, realized we have a lot in common. And over Christmas/New Years we got really close and became exclusive. Who initiated? I invited her out in a group, the group ended up leaving us behind. How long did you date before becoming exclusive? We were both in the ass end of breakups, both in unfulfilling ltr's so almost immediately. How much texting/calling was there and who initiated the most? Very little. We see each other several times a week through work Were there any games? Nope Did you go on/off before you realized what you wanted? We saw each other a few times, decided to be friends... Both went on a few dates and realized we wanted to be together Most of my relationships have come about organically through friendship leading to more. Some great times and some terrible times.
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Did the guy initiate since date 1? Because I sometimes sense that if the guy does it then women tend to say "it moves too fast" and it's over. It's only when the girl is pushing that the daily communication is okay. Yes, in both cases guys initiated from date 1 and also daily communication. In fact, they initiated about 90% of everything in early dating stages. I lose interest very quickly when a guy doesn't initiate.
Els Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 All of my Rs started out as friends, never as outright 'dating'. Usually we'd been friends for a while before he asked me out. The guy always initiated. In the culture I dated in, exclusivity is pretty much assumed as soon as you ask someone out on a date or to be your bf/gf (and they accept), multi-dating was fairly rare. Sure, it might fizzle out if you find out you're incompatible, but people there didn't usually date other people in the meantime. There were no games and no on/off.
nadzz Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 In my last relationship, I met him at a party and we spoke a lot and I gave him my number. I showed him no interest after that because he seemed like a player and he pursued me for 2 months before I finally went out with him. We dated for about a month before making it exclusive. He initially called and texted me daily or almost daily. My current relationship began recently. I approached him at a bar and after talking for a while, I gave him my number. After 2 days he contacted me. We ended up seeing each other 3-4 times a week after that until after a month he said he wants it to be exclusive. We talk all throughout day, every day; we always have a conversation going. I think I'm move confident and at ease if I let the guy do most of the pursuing because then I know he wants to be with me.
Gaeta Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 How exactly did it start in your past/present relationships? Ex-husband was the brother of a friend My other relationships I met them online Who initiated? They did How long did you date before becoming exclusive? In all cases we were pretty much exclusive from the start, within 3-4 dates. How much texting/calling was there and who initiated the most? Daily from the start Were there any games? None Did you go on/off before you realized what you wanted? I have dated plenty and I have known dating the wrong men so I know the difference. When you're dating the right man everything is smooth and effortless.
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