Afro Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 So while talking casually about valentines day I asked her what would she like and she said she wants a thing which will cost around $4000 and then started laughing as she knows i can't afford that for her. She did not insist me to buy it for her but i saw a nice glow on her face and she got so happy about it. I then say NO i cant buy that since its not necessary and we have other priorities too. However I don't think I can consider buying that for her since its quite expensive and it can be easily bought after few years too as its nothing urgent and useful as such. Her face got a bit sad but then she smiled later on but i felt like I was not behaving like a good bf? Did i do it right or should i have said i will buy for you in future or something? We are in 1 year relationship already and are in long distance. What do you think I should say to her?
smackie9 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 She's drooping over what could come out of your wallet, not your heart. Tell her to stuff it, because she is using you. 4
kendahke Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 I'd make sure she knew not to expect a $4k gift from you. No hinting at maybe, possibly in the future, when finances straighten out--none of that. Do you want to be on the hook for paying off that bill when you may have other pressing issues in your life that that money can address? 2
JamesM Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 She's drooping over what could come out of your wallet, not your heart. Bingo. One of the best expressions I have read yet. If she decides her amount of love towards you by how much you spend, then you will have a long and miserable life. However, if she said this because she really wants it but does not expect you to get it, then move on and don't fret. My wife might answer that she wants a new car but in reality if I bought it for her, she would not be happy. SHE would want to buy it for herself as her choice. Diamonds on the other hand.... lol
AndOrchid Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 You state that she knows you can't afford it and that she started laughing. Are you sure she wasn't just joking? Obviously, you shouldn't buy it for her. But I think after a year together, you should be able to tell if your girlfriend is making a joke or if she's someone who wants extravagant gifts that you can't afford. 3
Author Afro Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 Bingo. One of the best expressions I have read yet. If she decides her amount of love towards you by how much you spend, then you will have a long and miserable life. However, if she said this because she really wants it but does not expect you to get it, then move on and don't fret. Diamonds on the other hand.... lol Actually she already lives below her means but yea everyone has some dreams to buy like I wanna buy a Buggati but i know i can't afford it so its just like she said it and she always dreamt of having it. She isn't pressing me for that obviously but she dreams of buying that for herself even if its from her money.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 That's just weird, I can't imagine anyone saying that and not joking, if you were a millionaire perhaps but given that you're not, who would even say that unless it was meant to be funny? I can imagine if my boyfriend asked what I wanted for my birthday and there was something wild and new I wanted desperately I might jokingly say that, I mean I'm saving up for a new piano at the moment so I can see a scenario where I joke 'a new piano!' and laugh, but that's all it'd be... a joke. Never say you'll buy her something expensive like that in the future. Firstly, because you never know where your finances will be and if you can't afford it easily now, you're not guaranteed to magically be able to afford it in the future. Secondly and most importantly, her love and satisfaction from you should be coming from how happy she is being your girlfriend, not from what material goods you can provide her. Some people will string you along long after the relationship has run its course with dollar signs in their eyes just waiting until you spring for it and then do a runner. You never know. 1
clia Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Yes, it's fine to say no to buying her a $4,000 gift for Valentine's Day. That's a crazy amount to spend on a LDR relationship of a year unless you are really loaded. Is she willing to spend $4,000 on a gift for you? It would be quite interesting to see how she would react if you told her you'd buy her whatever it is she wants, as long as she buys you a $4,000 gift of your choice. I actually think it's fairly rude of her to even ask for a gift that expensive, unless you are really loaded.
lilmissjava Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 This is all on her. Don't even feel one ounce of guilt for not doing this for her. Tell her to pick up her lip and give her some flowers and chocolates. Side note: I pay more attention to February 14th as Singles Awareness Day
d0nnivain Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Is there any chance she was joking, especially if she knew it was out of your means? When DH & I were 1st dating about 4 months in, maybe a month before Christmas, we were walking through the historic part of Philly & looking at the architecture on our way to get Cheesesteaks. When I would see a particularly gorgeous townhouse I'd joke that he could buy me that for Christmas. These homes probably cost upwards of $3,000,000.00. I certainly wasn't serious & he knew it. But his sister overheard part of our conversation & thought I was trying to get her brother to buy me a house. My SIL hated me & thought I was a gold digger because she didn't know I was kidding. Of course you have no obligation whatsoever to purchase a $4,000 Valentine's gift for your GF, especially if you are in an LDR & have only seen each other once in person. Buying such a thing would be nuttier than not buying it.
shac Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 wrap yourself naked in a bow and put the return ticket to your city in your thongs. that should be a perfect gift! test her out! if she joked about fancy diamond stuff, make a cheap replica and giver her with the tickets. buy fake replica of her wanted gift and see her reactions. If she wanted a car, give her fake keys.
Lois_Griffin Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 You've been long distance for 5 months and met once in Nov. You don't really know her yet. OMG. Is this true? This is one of those silly long distance Skype relationships???? Nothing is real if that's the case. I wouldn't spend $4 much less $4,000. Ugh.
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