No_Go Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 She's basically saying OP over and over again she's not interested in a RL, sugar coating it (it's not you, it's me and my life circumstances , I've been 'heartbroken' but I have been developing 'feelings') to make it palatable. She also claims to 'stay friends' with exes ... Giant red flag - she's basically making the ground to cheat if you remove the sugar coating of her words. That's a 40 year old grown a** woman, not a 'girl'. I hate being so harsh but IMO there are flashing red flags. I bet money she IS pregnant already, searching for baby daddy (op, her ex, whoever) and after her 'insemination' she'll deliver 'prematurely' Also Every single post referring to her says she's drunk, tipsy, drinking wine etc - the woman is a raging alcoholic if I read between the lines.... I'm really sorry for the harsh post but I've seen things....
Author Radarsat Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 She's basically saying OP over and over again she's not interested in a RL, sugar coating it (it's not you, it's me and my life circumstances , I've been 'heartbroken' but I have been developing 'feelings') to make it palatable. She also claims to 'stay friends' with exes ... Giant red flag - she's basically making the ground to cheat if you remove the sugar coating of her words. That's a 40 year old grown a** woman, not a 'girl'. I hate being so harsh but IMO there are flashing red flags. I bet money she IS pregnant already, searching for baby daddy (op, her ex, whoever) and after her 'insemination' she'll deliver 'prematurely' Also Every single post referring to her says she's drunk, tipsy, drinking wine etc - the woman is a raging alcoholic if I read between the lines.... I'm really sorry for the harsh post but I've seen things.... She's not even 38 yet, but I get what you're saying and you may be right. Perhaps she is going to cheat. I don't see it, but maybe I'm being stupid. There is NO way she's pregnant. Trust me on that one. I know. Regarding the booze, yeah, she could be technically an alcoholic. I don't see it either, but I'll keep an eye on it for sure. I think it's been more of the holiday season and the fact that she won't drink during her pregnancy, so she's been indulging more. But your point is noted. I think the keeping friends with anyone she's dated is the issue that bugs me the most.
No_Go Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Hey, I realized I painted a very grim picture based on limited evidence. Thank you for considerate response. There are in fact people keeping friends with exes without intention to cheat. My former roommate e.g. was very proud of herself keeping friends with exes because she thinks that's a sign they are mature people dealing well with the discomfort of the breakup. More frequent it is about 'keeping open doors' but again, hard to say for sure what's the case. I had a very frustrating experience with a person presenting himself as a social drinker... I realized he can't skip a night without excessive drinking after moving in with him. That's the reason I brought it up. Sorry if it sounded passive-aggressive. She's not even 38 yet, but I get what you're saying and you may be right. Perhaps she is going to cheat. I don't see it, but maybe I'm being stupid. There is NO way she's pregnant. Trust me on that one. I know. Regarding the booze, yeah, she could be technically an alcoholic. I don't see it either, but I'll keep an eye on it for sure. I think it's been more of the holiday season and the fact that she won't drink during her pregnancy, so she's been indulging more. But your point is noted. I think the keeping friends with anyone she's dated is the issue that bugs me the most. 1
Author Radarsat Posted January 9, 2016 Author Posted January 9, 2016 (edited) So, I'm really heart broken. But I think I either need to accept that this is possibly a FWB thing for her or end it... Last night we're texting here and there in evening. Around 10:30 at night I ask her how's her night going and if she's going to bed soon. She says ":) No not yet..." I then ask her if there is anything good on tv? And she replies, "I'm actually over hanging with ______ and _____'s (his daughter) playing Mario." I was like WtF? Seriously?!? She just went to the movies with this guy, who she ended it with. I realize I told her via texting in the last time this came up (last week?) that I was okay with her being friends with them. But I'm not sure I was being that honest. I'm not cool with this. I replied to her text last night with: "Oh ok. Have a good night" She immediately texted: "Thanks! I'm getting my ass kicked again. lol" then "Have a good night too! Can't wait to see you tomorrow" and a smoochy smily face. I texted her "Looking forward to seeing you too". How do I deal with this if I'm not really cool with it? And am I being a complete ******* about it? Edited January 9, 2016 by Radarsat typo
introverted1 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 Radar, didn't you post in another thread that you are not completely over your ex, that you actively miss her at times? I ask only because it's hard to know whether either of you is truly in a place for a solid R at this point. It's also possible that she is picking up on subtle signs from you and is holding back as a result. Hard to say without knowing you or her and being able to observe the dynamic. I am still on the fence wrt her friendship with her ex and his daughter. On the surface, it seems she is being very open about it so I lean to giving her the benefit of the doubt. I am frankly more concerned about the dynamic between the two of you and your own readiness.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 So, I'm really heart broken. But I think I either need to accept that this is possibly a FWB thing for her or end it... Last night we're texting here and there in evening. Around 10:30 at night I ask her how's her night going and if she's going to bed soon. She says ":) No not yet..." I then ask her if there is anything good on tv? And she replies, "I'm actually over hanging with ______ and _____'s (his daughter) playing Mario." I was like WtF? Seriously?!? She just went to the movies with this guy, who she ended it with. I realize I told her via texting in the last time this came up (last week?) that I was okay with her being friends with them. But I'm not sure I was being that honest. I'm not cool with this. I replied to her text last night with: "Oh ok. Have a good night" She immediately texted: "Thanks! I'm getting my ass kicked again. lol" then "Have a good night too! Can't wait to see you tomorrow" and a smoochy smily face. I texted her "Looking forward to seeing you too". How do I deal with this if I'm not really cool with it? And am I being a complete ******* about it? More or less,yes. She told you she would continue to be friends with her exes. So this can't really come as any shock to you. Did you not believe her when she told you this? Or were you hoping that saying you were fine would somehow inspire her not to hang out with him anymore? You're not cool with it. Stop pretending you are. She was pretty clear before that she's not about to stop seeing him. I think you need to stop seeing her.
No_Go Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 Well no, you're not unreasonable. A woman would typically hang out at 10.30!! at a guys house if they're either dating or trying to date. You don't entertain kids late at night, that's time for adults to meet. Sorry. Not that is very relevant but... Do you know when she ended it with him and after how long? So, I'm really heart broken. But I think I either need to accept that this is possibly a FWB thing for her or end it... Last night we're texting here and there in evening. Around 10:30 at night I ask her how's her night going and if she's going to bed soon. She says ":) No not yet..." I then ask her if there is anything good on tv? And she replies, "I'm actually over hanging with ______ and _____'s (his daughter) playing Mario." I was like WtF? Seriously?!? She just went to the movies with this guy, who she ended it with. I realize I told her via texting in the last time this came up (last week?) that I was okay with her being friends with them. But I'm not sure I was being that honest. I'm not cool with this. I replied to her text last night with: "Oh ok. Have a good night" She immediately texted: "Thanks! I'm getting my ass kicked again. lol" then "Have a good night too! Can't wait to see you tomorrow" and a smoochy smily face. I texted her "Looking forward to seeing you too". How do I deal with this if I'm not really cool with it? And am I being a complete ******* about it?
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