Author Radarsat Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 Oh btw, she's coming over Thursday for a late dinner. 1
TheTraveler Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 I don't know why I feel something so special with her. But I'm listening everyone, I will slow down and enjoy my company with her without pushing the envelope on certain issues. One date at a time and I'll see where it goes. I feel like she's a possible catch so I need to explore it more before I run away from something that could be incredible. There you go. Slow down. There is no rush. Also, finish up your past so you can focus on the present. Get the divorce settled. 1
Natalie8 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 This woman is a basket case. So desperate is she.. Being desperate for a child doesnt equal basket case. I dont see anything in op's post that suggests she is a basket case. I know someone who had a baby the same way. A very caring, stable and positive person. She is a great mother, the child is 6 now. Im sure this lady will have to undergo tests before she is deemed suitable for the procedure. I think op is really sweet for wanting to be there for her. And also getting a bit ahead of himself but i think things will sort themselves out. I dont see why it would be a better option to date divorced women..where there might be a difficult ex..hard feelings..and a child with abandonement issues. Im not saying that is the case with every divorce of course.. 3
truth_seeker Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 WTF. A 37-year-old woman who knows what she wants (a child) and undestands the timeliness of the issue and isn't ready to just give up all other things in her life (including dating) is a basket case. Man. Making a decision to have a child on your own is one thing. If she is financially and emotionally stable, then good for her. It's a completely different thing to get pregnant on your own and at the same time date men. That's just plain bizarre. This women sounds unstable (mentally) and selfish to the extreme. What happens when the kid arrives? OP is going to be Daddy if there still dating?
truth_seeker Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Being desperate for a child doesnt equal basket case. I dont see anything in op's post that suggests she is a basket case. I know someone who had a baby the same way. A very caring, stable and positive person. She is a great mother, the child is 6 now. Im sure this lady will have to undergo tests before she is deemed suitable for the procedure. So you agree she is desperate? I think if you're in a desperate situation, and you're making decisions, you're not thinking clearly. If this woman were on her own - not dating - making a sound decision to have this child on her own, then she's not a basket case. The fact she is having a kid on her own and dates men, tells me she's off. I'm not telling her to stop her life (stop dating, having sex) I'm saying this woman OP is into is not all there upstairs. She has an agenda. She's 37 She wants a kid NOW She wants a to date there's a trend... she WANTS and WANTS and she going to get what she WANTS HER WAY. OP lets see who's right and who's wrong 6 months from now.
frus69 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Making a decision to have a child on your own is one thing. If she is financially and emotionally stable, then good for her. It's a completely different thing to get pregnant on your own and at the same time date men. That's just plain bizarre. This women sounds unstable (mentally) and selfish to the extreme. What happens when the kid arrives? OP is going to be Daddy if there still dating? So you agree she is desperate? I think if you're in a desperate situation, and you're making decisions, you're not thinking clearly. If this woman were on her own - not dating - making a sound decision to have this child on her own, then she's not a basket case. The fact she is having a kid on her own and dates men, tells me she's off. I'm not telling her to stop her life (stop dating, having sex) I'm saying this woman OP is into is not all there upstairs. She has an agenda. She's 37 She wants a kid NOW She wants a to date there's a trend... she WANTS and WANTS and she going to get what she WANTS HER WAY. OP lets see who's right and who's wrong 6 months from now. Dating a man while being pregnant means she is not stable and is desperate ? What the ?? Someone explain to me the logic behind it please? And what is wrong with op being the father if they are still going strong by then and also he is willing to? You seem to find it bizzar for guys to love a child who does not come from their sperm? 4
alphamale Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Genuinely curious why you'd feel it necessary to say that? This lady has purposefully made a plan so she can have a baby WITHOUT a man. She senses the OP rushing in their dating relationship and is trying to slow him down. There are all kinds of crazy people in this world who'd meet someone new, clock ticking in their ears, move in within a few dates and start trying for a baby within a couple months of meeting. From literally everything the OP has said, she seems more than capable of doing this alone, your comment is very patronising, as though she's going to meet a new guy, go through with the procedure, have a baby and then expect this random new dude she started dating a few months ago to bail her out with the kid. I can't figure out where you'd get that from. i said it because of my experiences with women who wanted to have a kid no-matter-what... You make two opposite assumptions about her, both negative. First, that she's going to over-rely on him and give him too much responsibility. Also, that she's going to neglect him or kick him out of her life. Which is it? well, the OP should marry her after 4 dates. that would solve the problems
JGirl83 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 She's 37 She wants a kid NOW She wants a to date I guess she wants a kid in 9 months time, not now. And yes, by the looks of things, she wants a child and to date too. Ah, the cheek of it! Shock and horror! Seriously, i dont understand your post. She made a decision to have a child. And she is open and honest about it with the men she dates. I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. Really. I dont see why it should be a one or the other. As for wanting things her way...do you not normally want things your way? 4
Natalie8 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 So you agree she is desperate? She has an agenda. She's 37 She wants a kid NOW She wants a to date there's a trend... she WANTS and WANTS and she going to get what she WANTS HER WAY. OP lets see who's right and who's wrong 6 months from now. Yes, she is desperate to have a child. Otherwise obviously she wouldnt go through with the procedure. Doesnt make her unstable. Yes, her agenda is to have a child. You lost me with the rest. Im not sure why the idea of women going for what they want makes you so angry. She is open with op. I see no red flags. 3
Robratory Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 I guess she wants a kid in 9 months time, not now. And yes, by the looks of things, she wants a child and to date too. Ah, the cheek of it! Shock and horror! Seriously, i dont understand your post. She made a decision to have a child. And she is open and honest about it with the men she dates. I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. Really. I dont see why it should be a one or the other. As for wanting things her way...do you not normally want things your way? Well, would you date a man who was in the process of fathering a child with another woman? I see nothing wrong with her wanting a child. But isn't the goal of dating to find a permanent partner? So why not wait six more months to see if this guy is it? Women having children at 40 are no longer medical curiosities. On the other hand, if she is not looking for a permanent partner, she should clue our original poster into that fact because it's pretty obvious he is looking for a permanent partner.
Robratory Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Yes, she is desperate to have a child. Otherwise obviously she wouldnt go through with the procedure. Doesnt make her unstable. Yes, her agenda is to have a child. You lost me with the rest. I don't cast aspersions on her, but it's a bit much to expect a man to be in a relationship while the woman he's involved with has a child by another man. Yes, I know it wouldn't involve actual sex with another man, but still. Of course, it's up to the him to say no.
Natalie8 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Well, would you date a man who was in the process of fathering a child with another woman? So why not wait six more months to see if this guy is it? Women having children at 40 are no longer medical curiosities. . What are you saying? She should wait to see if this guy is a life partner and have a child with him? And if not , she is 6 months older and childless still. So why would she do that? I think people are allowed to make their own choices and she has done hers. Im sure she has her reasons for wanting a child this way. Just because other women have kids at 40 it doesnt mean everyone can. It is a lot riskier. Maybe she doesnt want to bbe an old mum or maybe she waited long enough for men to turn into life partners but gave herself a deadline. Who knows? She does. 1
Natalie8 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 I don't cast aspersions on her, but it's a bit much to expect a man to be in a relationship while the woman he's involved with has a child by another man. Yes, I know it wouldn't involve actual sex with another man, but still. Of course, it's up to the him to say no. But she is not making him do anything. He is a grown up man with free will. Reading op's original post it doesnt come across like she is expecting anything from him. She laid her cards on the table. If it is too much for him, he will walk away. 1
frus69 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 I don't cast aspersions on her, but it's a bit much to expect a man to be in a relationship while the woman he's involved with has a child by another man. Yes, I know it wouldn't involve actual sex with another man, but still. Of course, it's up to the him to say no. Are you only able to love your own children? What's wrong with being in a relationship with a woman who has children from other men? Isn't it happening everywhere?? It's called step parents for example??? Besides she didn't force OP to be there for her. Op is free to leave but he is happy to be part of it (which is very sweet)
phineas Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 My ex wife is taking me to court for full custody of the children for no reason other than she doesn't want to work & wants to get more child support out of me. I seriously stopped trying to date just because every woman wants to know if there is any drama with the ex. I cannot imagine myself being almost 44 wanting to date even a hot woman that was pregnant. Sure, I wouldn't have to worry about getting her pregnant cause that's allready been taken care of, but if I took her to a party I think half my friends would die of shock. Then the explaining to those still breathing that the baby wasn't mine. 1
lollipopspot Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Well, would you date a man who was in the process of fathering a child with another woman? The analogy would be if he was in the process of adopting or if he had hired a surrogate to bear him a child (which is something that in principle I don't agree with, by the way). But if I was willing to be around a baby, then sure. He doesn't have a relationship with the mother, he just wants to be a father. 1
newt Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Any woman who mentions wanting kids on a first date will lead to me ending the date and deleting her number.
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Hi everyone, Here's my latest. I'm dating this really intelligent and classy girl who owns her own business in her own home. She is an unbelievable cook (like really good!) and she puts herself together extremely well. Very sexy. Dresses really nice and is super cute. We've been on 4 great dates so far. I know, it's early. The last one was at her home for dinner. Incredible dinner. We got into the wine a bit and we eventually kissed and made out a little. It was a great night and we both feel a connection. She told me that she senses that I move quickly and realizes knowing my history I'm not very experienced with dating. So she's being cautious, wants us to take it slowly one date at a time, which I think is amazing. I'm just not used to it and want to just commit already! Really foolish I know. Regardless, one very interesting thing about this girl is she wants a child. This came up on the first date. And when I mean she wants a child, she wants one right now! Not with me. She is (starting in January) going to go through artificial insemination (In vitro I think) in order to have a baby on her own. She's 37 like me and doesn't want to wait any longer. The father will be anonymous. I think it's amazing and a hugely courageous and confident thing to decide to do! As we got into the wine last night, I told her that if things grew with 'us', that I meant what I said on date one that I thought it was amazing and that I'd love to help her along the journey and be there for her when she needs help. I told her I understood that she was doing this on her own, but that I'd love to be a part of her and that child's life if things continued the way they were going. She smiled/blushed immensely and we made out a bit more. I guess my question to anyone is....am I crazy? She thinks I am! She's a little guarded for a couple of reasons. One, I haven't dated many people (she's the third) since I separated in August. Two, most men she's dated have found that information about her to be a bit of a deal breaker. I want a woman with children. It helps me realize that they will understand that I'm a father first and foremost too (I have a 7 and 4 year old). But am I crazy to get into this with her? I don't feel that way, but I want to be sensible to her and myself. Woah, wait a minute, she's 37 and wants a child? I've run across this, and that was around the age I turned when I decided NOT to have kids. Didn't like the idea of becomig an elderly parent. I mean, me being a 55 year old father with a 10 year old? LOL By that age, I'd be an AARP card carrying member, and so would she. Unforunately, I would prefer a woman in my age bracket 40-ish, WITHOUT children, but STILL these women want children at that age. Usually I try to talk them out of it. I know a 52 year old woman that's never been married, but since she's menopausal, she's been talking about adopting, which for me would be also out of the question. I dunno, the idea of being an elderly parent isn't appealing at all to me.
newt Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Woah, wait a minute, she's 37 and wants a child? I've run across this, and that was around the age I turned when I decided NOT to have kids. Didn't like the idea of becomig an elderly parent. I mean, me being a 55 year old father with a 10 year old? LOL By that age, I'd be an AARP card carrying member, and so would she. Unforunately, I would prefer a woman in my age bracket 40-ish, WITHOUT children, but STILL these women want children at that age. Usually I try to talk them out of it. I know a 52 year old woman that's never been married, but since she's menopausal, she's been talking about adopting, which for me would be also out of the question. I dunno, the idea of being an elderly parent isn't appealing at all to me. yeah i figured if someone was childless at 37 or older they would not want kids. Who wants to raise a kid in their 40s and 50's?
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 yeah i figured if someone was childless at 37 or older they would not want kids. Who wants to raise a kid in their 40s and 50's? Exactly, it's making me want to swing the pendulum the other direction to date single mothers, because they usually don't want to have anymore kids.
newt Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Exactly, it's making me want to swing the pendulum the other direction to date single mothers, because they usually don't want to have anymore kids. Well if you do make sure they have one child who is atleast 12 or older. lol
truth_seeker Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I guess she wants a kid in 9 months time, not now. And yes, by the looks of things, she wants a child and to date too. Ah, the cheek of it! Shock and horror! Seriously, i dont understand your post. She made a decision to have a child. And she is open and honest about it with the men she dates. I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. Really. I dont see why it should be a one or the other. As for wanting things her way...do you not normally want things your way? Yeah, she's 6 months pregnant going on dates with guys. That's normal. :eek:
truth_seeker Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Dating a man while being pregnant means she is not stable and is desperate ? What the ?? Someone explain to me the logic behind it please? And what is wrong with op being the father if they are still going strong by then and also he is willing to? You seem to find it bizzar for guys to love a child who does not come from their sperm? What kind of normal woman is pregnant, belly sticking out, going on dates with men? That's gross. If she had the kid and then went on dates and was upfront with men she has a child on her own, that's different. How can people not find it crazy for a woman to be pregnant from some stranger, and still have sex with other men while the baby is growing inside of her? That's seriously messed up! 1
truth_seeker Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 And what is wrong with op being the father if they are still going strong by then and also he is willing to? You seem to find it bizzar for guys to love a child who does not come from their sperm? There's nothing wrong with dating a woman with a kid. There is something wrong dating a woman while she is pregnant and the kid is not yours.
RedRobin Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 This scenario isn't shocking to me at all. She wants a family, and doesn't want to wait. She is being honest with the OP up front. Sounds like a keeper. If she wanted to deceive him, she'd wait however long, get him good and hooked emotionally, then tell him after she started to show. Riiiiight???? Maybe the guys are upset that having their own kids isn't as easy as going to a clinic for a sperm donor. *shrug* 4
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