jimmystandard Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 I've had success on these forums before when my fiancé left me. This is pretty bad but here goes. I'm older by about 5 years, she's 24. From the beginning I knew it would be tough. ME: - decades long career - established - spoiled but not privileged - sexually active and experienced - emotionally mature - plenty of heartbreak to include military deployment -> cheating - know what I want - on my own HER: - no career - no goals/not established - spoiled and privileged - this is her first real relationship - she lost her virginity to me after 24 years - little to no heartbreak - indecisive—powerful political family, has burned bridges/quit jobs needlessly - lives at home BY CHOICE—not because of cash flow problems. Deliberate. SIX MONTH SUMMARY: Less than a month before our first date, a girl I was seeing told me she was seeing other people. It wasn't serious, I walked away, and entered this relationship with both feet. Working at a hospital, I would rarely see her. This is a key component of this story. Separation led to anxiety, anxiety to stress, stress to anger, and I had to pay for everything because she needlessly quit a lucrative ($100K) career to volunteer in public service and work at the hospital. The father built or helped develop the airport, the mall, and many other things everyone can think of in Washington DC. There is a high chance you know this last name. After four months of trying HARD to deal with: - her living at home - me bringing her to my cousins wedding and getting a "meh" from my mom - impressing the parents DAILY/HOURLY - little to no/unsatisfying sex (I waited 3 months, no pressure) - the public service job and the hospital working hours - introversion - no defined career goals - her accusing me of cheating on her with other girls I don't find attractive - jealousy - clinginess - heavy and unwanted Catholic indoctrination - refusal to stay over night due to religious beliefs - refusal to move in together, for her benefit, before marriage due to her religious beliefs - she is professionally toxic and has accused colleagues of sexual harassment and sexism I broke up with her this past fall (2015). I regretted immediately and we got gave together in 48 hours. I thought we could fix it but things only got worse. CHERRY: ***during this entire relationship I was professionally denied or excluded opportunities in a town where being rich is not as important as being popular or liked. Additionally, she brought me no career prospects and I spent 1-2 hours per day looking for jobs she could use her degree with.*** FALL 2015 TO PRESENT MAJOR EVENTS - her family loses the family fortune in excess of 7 figures. - because of this, and her being an introvert, all her fake friends leave her. - we grow closer and she insists on us getting married ASAP. - she begins to regret losing her virginity BEFORE marriage - I am laid off - the hospital increases her hours - she expresses interest in public service job over 70 miles away from me and her family Things continue to go downhill. in an effort to get her a better paying job, WHEN I NEEDED TO FIND ONE FOR MYSELF, I utilize every connection and favor I have at the expense of myself. I cash in one of my favors and land her a lucrative consulting job (6 figures). We fight about the public service job in another state, and she reluctantly takes the consulting job. Her family is furious and I am hopeful she will be stable now. I get a new lucrative job in less than 30 days. Money is not a problem for us as a couple but things continue to get worse at home for her. The bank wants the house and repossesses some vehicles and land. My birthday comes, and she does not make me a cake and outsourced that to her sister. She starts coming up with excuses why we can't go to social events. The parents impose a curfew and demand she start paying rent. I find out the entire family has dual citizenship, which threatens my career prospects and a credential I am required to have to do my job(s). I consider leaving her but do not. I move into a place closer to her at her insistence that costs more money, is farther away from my job, and is dangerous at best (housemate was recent divorced husband with a custody battle, failed business, and a drinking problem). Right after Halloween, she dumps me. REASONS GIVEN DAY OF THE BREAKUP: - things are getting worse at home - her mother wants to leave her father - she wants me to marry her ONE WEEK NO CONTACT CONTACT FACE TO FACE MEETING MEETING NUMBER 1: - she didn't break up with me to hurt me - we "hurt each other equally" - she wants a man that is loyal and can take care of her - she explicitly says I am that man - explicitly states she is not seeing anyone but I can if I want - explicitly states she still loves me - explicitly states she wants to work on it - her father does not approve of reconciliation and unaware meeting happened WORK ON IT FOR THREE DAYS FIGHTS ARGUING NO CALLBACKS CRYING VOICEMAILS BOTH WAYS NO CONTACT *THANKSGIVING* NO CONTACT ON OR AFTER THANKSGIVING CONTACT MEETING NUMBER 2: - we have trust issues - we have to keep the meeting short - I need to work on my anger (?) - we are not compatible - she tried too hard - she doesn't know if she loves me - she's talking to someone else "to get respect"—exact quote I WALK AWAY FROM MEETING - calls twice - follows me - I call CALL - she doesn't love me anymore - I mean nothing to her and I should move on - refuses to say who she is talking to - does not call him her new boyfriend TWO WEEKS OF CALLING, SENT TO VOICEMAIL NO CONTACT 2 DAYS EMAIL, FROM ME TO HER - I need closure - I'm trusting you - I will meet you at this place and time - I give 24 hours advance notice - meeting place is convenient to her and not to me—1 hour trip each way NO CONTACT NO RESPONSE NO MEETING WALK AWAY CONTACT- from the dad! - stop contacting my daughter - she doesn't want to see or hear from you - further contact and we will file a restraining against you NO CONTACT 2 WEEKS I accuse her of cheating in a voicemail. I rationalize this by assuming this is the only way she moved on that fast. I do not know if it is true. Six hours after I leave the voicemail, the police serve me with a protective order FILED BY MY MALE HOUSEMATE NOT HER. - I'm accused of stalking her - the protective order does not say that and only asks that I vacate the premises immediately I leave that apartment with only what I can carry—I threw out 12 suits and over 50 ties. I've been living in a hotel ever since and I have had no contact with her for 19 days. I spent New Years throwing up in a toilet. I was personally disinvited from major holiday parties by the hosts and I am now looking for a new job since I lost the credential I require (I did not report her dual citizenship status and I am facing criminal prosecution). Beat me up below. I need to hear it. I may bounce back I may not. I don't think I'm going to make it.
wow123 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 1- Stay far away from this chick. 2-why did your roommate get a restraining order? Is he dating your ex?
Author jimmystandard Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 why did your roommate get a restraining order? Is he dating your ex? I don't know. I honestly don't know. Want to forgive her but can't move on. She has shattered my heart.
wow123 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I don't know. I honestly don't know. Want to forgive her but can't move on. She has shattered my heart. We'll you might want to figure that out.
marky00 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) This isnt the typical scenario. Usually dumpees are the ones facing the personal issues and recognize they were not at their best, leading to a loss of attraction in the dumper's eyes. Having said that... unlike men.... it seems women value being loved as much as loving their partner. Most guys dont care so much if they are loved back as equally as they love. In a way she is the dumpee here but it seems she has finally decided enough is enough. Unlike a loss of attraction these situations usually have more of a hope of reconciliation but it doesnt sound good with the dad involved etc. Its a crappy situation for you because you feel like you could have treated her better but at least you don't have to deal with the ego hit that most dumpees have to deal with. Shes making a decision with her head, not her heart..... which as I said women are capable of doing sometimes. Edited January 5, 2016 by marky00
Author jimmystandard Posted January 7, 2016 Author Posted January 7, 2016 She is publicly connecting with all my co-workers and friends on social media and showing up places she knows are places I frequent. No social life prior to our relationship, now she's "single" and suddenly open to going out every night. With my friends. Do you think she'll sleep with my friends?
Author jimmystandard Posted January 8, 2016 Author Posted January 8, 2016 She has started telling friends I'm a stalker. The relationship was her idea and of course I'm hurt she left me. Please help.
VeveCakes Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 A lot of stuff going on here and none of it good. Ask your friends and family to stop informing you of any details involving her. Keep strict NC.
Author jimmystandard Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 now things are even worse. since last post: - she is telling friends and colleagues I raped her (she lost her virginity to me in the summer and insisted when I hesitated) - she contacted my new job during the hiring process and I was not hired - she was an introvert who hated going to parties when we were together and now she goes out every night drinking, to MY bar over 25 miles from her home - I live in Washington DC and people have begun telling my face to face not to show up or RSVP to parties and social events - she's been spotted with people she knows to be professional rivals and enemies in my professional life—she had no connection to them before our relationship and they only know who she is because of me. - I have kept strict no contact for weeks now but receive calls from blocked numbers early in the morning, and only then. Never answer, they never leave a voicemail.
kinshinchi Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 now things are even worse. since last post: - she is telling friends and colleagues I raped her (she lost her virginity to me in the summer and insisted when I hesitated) - she contacted my new job during the hiring process and I was not hired - she was an introvert who hated going to parties when we were together and now she goes out every night drinking, to MY bar over 25 miles from her home - I live in Washington DC and people have begun telling my face to face not to show up or RSVP to parties and social events - she's been spotted with people she knows to be professional rivals and enemies in my professional life—she had no connection to them before our relationship and they only know who she is because of me. - I have kept strict no contact for weeks now but receive calls from blocked numbers early in the morning, and only then. Never answer, they never leave a voicemail. that is physco path 1
Author jimmystandard Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 My ex is really trying to ruin my whole life. She has now escalated again and this morning I found out she has told professional colleagues she is "scared of me". I'm maintaining no contact and meanwhile she is steadily destroying my reputation. She is also now publicly dating a former co-worker. I don't know what to do anymore and may have to relocate to get away from her harassment.
Author jimmystandard Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 Has she boiled your kid's rabbit yet? no but telling everyone I raped her is as low as you can go
Author jimmystandard Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 Things got so bad I had to move. Was receiving death threats as recently as 48 hours ago. My ex successfully ruined my life, don't let this happen to you!
renny Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Damn man, I generally feel bad for you. If there's any advice to give you, don't let this destroy you, if you feel that this is effecting your mental well being, seek counsuling. Its important at this stage that you surround yourself with POSITIVE PEOPLE. This ex of yours sounds like true head case. I know you can't help who you love, but no matter what, stay away from all contact with this woman, concentrate on yourself, and rebuilding what has been lost. Let that be your distraction from all this madness.
Author jimmystandard Posted January 28, 2016 Author Posted January 28, 2016 So 2 week update: I've moved to an entirely different area of the state. She has people keeping tabs on me and because we know so many of the same people I either can't get my phone calls returned or they only want the latest intelligence on me and my whereabouts and what I'm up to professionally. I feel like I'll never truly get away from this woman. I had a first date recently, intended to help me move on and they stood me up. No cancellation no excuse no text message no call, just didn't show up. Did some Facebook digging and they know each other. I had no idea and that's the extent of how hard my ex is working to ensure I don't move on. I still have to deal with the accusations of sexual assault professionally and completely changed careers as a result. I'm most worried that my ex is very interested in where I live now and where I work. What can I do? Will they ever move on? Considering they broke it off with me to see what else is out there and to see if the grass is greener you'd think they would want me dating other people. That is as I explained impossible right now; I'm toxic. No one will touch me? Thoughts/advice? After a breakup many people say she/he ruined my life but that really did happen here. I'm even considering changing my legal name. What do I do?
RySant Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 What have you done to get this kind of Vendetta?
marky00 Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 So 2 week update: I've moved to an entirely different area of the state. She has people keeping tabs on me and because we know so many of the same people I either can't get my phone calls returned or they only want the latest intelligence on me and my whereabouts and what I'm up to professionally. I feel like I'll never truly get away from this woman. I had a first date recently, intended to help me move on and they stood me up. No cancellation no excuse no text message no call, just didn't show up. Did some Facebook digging and they know each other. I had no idea and that's the extent of how hard my ex is working to ensure I don't move on. I still have to deal with the accusations of sexual assault professionally and completely changed careers as a result. I'm most worried that my ex is very interested in where I live now and where I work. What can I do? Will they ever move on? Considering they broke it off with me to see what else is out there and to see if the grass is greener you'd think they would want me dating other people. That is as I explained impossible right now; I'm toxic. No one will touch me? Thoughts/advice? After a breakup many people say she/he ruined my life but that really did happen here. I'm even considering changing my legal name. What do I do? If you read my first post.. Even though she was officially the dumper, in reality shes actually the dumpee in my opinion. Its sometimes called the "forced dump". Its where someone breaks up with someone not because they want to but rather to protect themselves from being hurt in the future (i.e. they love you more than you love them). Clearly she still has feelings as I said before. But at this point her mind and her family etc is trumping her heart. 1
marky00 Posted January 28, 2016 Posted January 28, 2016 What have you done to get this kind of Vendetta? She fell in love, its obvious. She didn't feel it was reciprocated so she went into sabotage mode.
Recommended Posts