Nsays Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 My issue is I continually question myself. Partly due to my overbearing and estranged mother and my didn’t show up father. I don’t think I know what makes me happy as I’ve always judged that by others approval, pat on the back, well done. To the point: My now ex was with me through my tough years with my parents the death of my father and when my mum chucked me out for her internet BF and my BF’s family took me in at 17. It was a juvenile relationship but we were great friends we had a break when we went off to uni for about 2 years, no contact. We’d agreed on the break but he’d been weird with me in the run up to the end I found a message to a friend saying he didn’t feel the same way about me….so I upt and left and went off to uni as I felt like he’d not dumped me out of pity for what I’d been through and the fact I’d have nowhere to go.. We got back together in 3rd year messaging back and forward a romantic gesture of flowers and him taking a 12hr train to visit me and then started our long distance relationship. Returning from uni we settled into old teenage behaviors and new adult ones. Rubbish job straight out of uni, binge watching and bad eating. He just had no get up and go, I Tried I encouraged I supported put forward job apps, worked my own soul destroying gigs. He lived at his mums and I’d visit on the weekends. But no money made for no dates, but all the money went on weed, so weekend after weekend it was him and his friends and us until the earl hours him playing fifa or some other rubbish, yeh it was fine in the beginning but you reach a point where you want an adult relationship. My ‘People pleasing kicks in’ I tried to remove every obstacle and help him out and I was fine with that when I thought it was appreciated, I thought he was a bit depressed this is what you do in a relationship support the other person when life’s got them down. So I was buying his weed, paying his phone contract, if we did eat out I’d pay, he never came to family events, barely knew my friends and I never confided any of this to my friends. He was an adult child made worse by his pandering mum. That was until he started to act really aloof, staying later at work, not kissing me when he came in but still sleeping with me. I confronted him and he broke up with me. I asked if this was a break, or you want to work on this but again he made me feel like he was pitying me. I begged him ‘ this is your opportunity to take this back I’m begging you I put aside my pride’ He just said I don’t want you to feel like you can’t come round and chill out. I’m sorry but I’m obviously not going to do that, you’ve just dumped me. After a horrendous 2 weeks of not eating and throwing up out of sheer anxiety and pain, and a further month or so he started to contact me again. Apologizing begging, taking it all back. And has for the last 6 months begged for me back via every means of contact. Having had no attention from anyone else I caved and slept with him a couple of time but I was honest with him and said I don’t want a relationship. He broke up with me, there are certain ideas and opportunities you don’t consider when you’re in a relationship as it’s two people to take into account. To get me through I had to dream and think about what I want to do with my life to get me through. So where I didn’t want things before, the pain he caused me, caused me to think what if? What if there is a better person out there? I hate causing him pain. I know I shouldn’t be sleeping with him. It’s not the healthy thing to do. I think I’m really insecure about meeting people, I’ve never dated, I don’t know how to do this. Even when we had our break there was no1 else it’s a big old scary world. I was with him from 14 and I feel lost. I don’ have that companionship with anyone else not to mention his mum who took me in L
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