2much4 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 After a few months of dating it seems like most guys who approach me either have a girlfriend, have major issues or are looking for no strings attached sex. Some are jerks, most are show offs...Probably because it's easier to approach women if you have nothing to lose. I have had some success meeting decent people with online dating, but I find it tiring and actually prefer "traditional dating". How do I encourage the "nice guys" to approach me? I don't like making the first move as in my culture it is seen as something very "unwomanly" to do.
Gaeta Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 I have had some success meeting decent people with online dating, but I find it tiring and actually prefer "traditional dating". How do I encourage the "nice guys" to approach me? I don't like making the first move as in my culture it is seen as something very "unwomanly" to do. You have success with online dating but won't go back to it. You don't have success with life approach but that's the method you want to use. Where is your logic? You wanna date or not? Then use the method that works. 3
smudge21 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 I don't think there's any trusted method. I consider myself a "nice guy" yet whenever I meet a girl who I also consider to be nice, they turn out not to be so, or decide it's not the nice guy thing they're after. Basically, you just never truly know what you're going to get with each one, no matter how they start out. 2
Toodaloo Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 I don't go for "nice guys". I go for "great guys". You may be thinking to yourself "what is the difference". Nice - something not unpleasant but unremarkable. Great - so much more than just nice! To be blunt every bloke I have met that has described himself as "nice" hasn't been all that great. They do enough to conform but actually are rather basic, self centred and selfish. The great guys are the ones that say hey I am not perfect, this is me and this is what I am good at and not so good at but this is me. I am actually highly insulted if someone calls me "nice". I am many things but just plain boring, not going anywhere or going to do anything "nice? No that is not me at all. No one enjoys making the first move, male or female. However there are very feminine ways in which you can with out making it into something so much bigger. You mention culture? Can you tell us where you are so we can better understand your cultural norms? In any case you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a star. Its a case of sticking at it and keep going. Those who find love dropping into their laps are actually really unusual. 2
smackie9 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 I say you have to at least give a guy "signals" and flirt to let him know you are interested. The players are the ones that are way too smooth, aggressive, and have np approaching any women. They always land on their feet and know what to do and say. A great guy may show some nervousness, may not be so on his game when he tries to make conversation. Don't let this be a turn off, and you will increase your chances of getting yourself a great guy. 3
d0nnivain Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Part of it is you have to be a nice girl. Are you polite, approachable, kind & open to meeting new people? If you come across as the type that shoots every man down simply because he has a y chromosome you will not meet nice guys because they don't have the skill set to get through your defenses. Also where IRL are you looking for these guys? You are unlikely to find a so called nice guy in a bar or other classic pick up place. Those tend to be populated by the show offs you don't like. I'd recommend you volunteer somewhere doing something you care about. You may be able to meet a nice guy who shares your passion. I also agree with the poster who said if you have had success with OLD it doesn't make sense to abandon it for a method that doesn't work for you. 1
carhill Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 OP, next time you're out in the world and in a group, consciously pay attention to who you notice, log that and then force yourself to look around more and just note who you missed. I mention this because, often, the men you apparently are seeking are going about their lives, being good men, unobtrusively. They could be invisible to you. In any event, widening your sphere of notice includes more potentials and provides more opportunities for your notice to be noticed and you or they to act on that. Think of it as an experiment. 3
thecrucible Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I'm with smackie9. Don't dismiss the guys that aren't into the game. They may be hidden gems. Give them a green light by smiling and showing your interest. I've learned the hard way that the guys making themselves obvious aren't always the best ones to be talking to. Another tip I would suggest, and something I never thought about until recently, is that you think about how they talk to you. By that I mean, try and notice when the guy is genuinely interested in getting to know you and see if he asks getting-know-you questions which go beyond the superficial. I wish I'd paid more attention to this before but watch out for when he is really interested in you and you aren't just another number to chat up. Honestly I swallowed The Rules book too readily. Girls that didn't have had the last laugh. I have girlfriends in good relationships and it was because they did some of the lifting in the beginning. They knew what they wanted and went for it. The guys aren't weak by any means - they just didn't know what was coming when those women approached them. To be blunt every bloke I have met that has described himself as "nice" hasn't been all that great. They do enough to conform but actually are rather basic, self centred and selfish. Me too. I've been with mildly abusive guys who described themselves as "nice guys" but they were as you described. I no longer feel guilty if I reject a so-called "nice guy". If he is not attracting anyone decent, there must be a reason for it imo. The great guys are the ones that say hey I am not perfect, this is me and this is what I am good at and not so good at but this is me. I love it too! I am actually highly insulted if someone calls me "nice". I am many things but just plain boring, not going anywhere or going to do anything "nice? No that is not me at all. I hate that too. I'm a relatively quiet person and I already know certain personalities will be dismissive of me because they think introspective people are boring. It's usually because they feel uncomfortable about me being comfortable with myself. But yeah, no one wants to not offend anyone - that effectively means you are seen as having no personality. No one enjoys making the first move, male or female. However there are very feminine ways in which you can with out making it into something so much bigger. I am looking forward to seeing what suggestions will be made to answer this question.
truth_seeker Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 The players are the ones that are way too smooth, aggressive, and have np approaching any women. They always land on their feet and know what to do and say. A great guy may show some nervousness, may not be so on his game when he tries to make conversation. Don't let this be a turn off, and you will increase your chances of getting yourself a great guy. This is very true. 1
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