dazed343 Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 As much as this is going to hurt I have to break up with my gf this morning. This morning only because she wants to make plans for the weekend and it won't be fair if I let things go on without being honest to her. If you've read my other post I mentioned I tried to break things off last week but we only ended up at square one again. I'd rather not phone her because I know how hard it will be on her and myself. Some older friends of mine told me just to not phone and have NC. Whatever I decied, I know she wants to talk to me this morning I can't get outta work today, and I know I ain't going to be feeling great after this.
HokeyReligions Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 You both need closure. If you have to, script what you want to say and read from it when talking to her. If it MUST be over the phone, then so be it. But have some closure.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 I know you're going to find this tough, but you *must* speak to her. You owe her this much. My personal view is that the phone is a sh*tty way to do it, too. I have always broken up in person. But phoning is better than nothing, if this is all you can manage. Write down a brief speech and read from it. Remember: - to be clear about your intentions. For example "This is definitely over" or "I need a break" - a reason if possible - something nice about her Then let her rant for a bit and experience some of her pain. She's not gonna be feeling great after this, either.
scarlyjones Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo - to be clear about your intentions. For example "I need a break" Uh,........please dont use that one. Its so fake. Just tell her the truth. I cant stand it when I hear people used breakup "aids" like "Its not you,..its me" ....or "I need my space" ....."Im not looking for anything serious" (after a year) ........"Lets take a break" .........grrrrrrrrr just tell the truth PEOPLE..... Okay,..sorry good luck !!
dgiirl Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 Please dont be one of those people who just stop calling, or break up over email, or even by the phone. You spent time with this girl. She deserves the respect of you breaking up with her in person. It's a good experience for you too. It sucks, but it builds character and you learn how to not play with people's emotions. You have every right to break up with someone if she's not the one for you, but do have the decency to say it to her face.
Author dazed343 Posted June 3, 2005 Author Posted June 3, 2005 "She deserves the respect of you breaking up with her in person." I know the right and fairest way is to break things off in person but I can tell you that's never worked for me. When I've tried that in the past once with her last week and in my past relationship, it always ends up at square one again. She break downs, I give in, I get affraid of being alone again and not wanting to deal with the pain and were back together. Plus what am I suppose to tell her when she calls this morning? I can't say lets meet everything is ok. As soon as I tell her we have to talk she'll know anyways that Im leaving. I could hardly talk to her last night she was saying "I just have this feeling your not coming back here". The pain I know I will cause her and myself is sometimes for me enough to keep things going in a relationship as bad as I know that sounds. Whats really going to be tough is my birthday which is 2 wks away. I think this whole summer is going to be really tough.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 Originally posted by dazed343 I know the right and fairest way is to break things off in person but I can tell you that's never worked for me. Well, this is an opportunity for you to bite the bullet. Whats really going to be tough is my birthday which is 2 wks away. I think this whole summer is going to be really tough. Maybe you should focus a bit on her pain too? Not phoning her is a way of insulating yourself from this IMO. Originally posted by scarlyjones Uh,........please dont use that one. Its so fake. Just tell her the truth. Errr, Scarly, by "editing" what I said, you have produced the opposite of what I intended. Please don't misquote me in this way. Maybe it's the heat today reducing my patience, but friendly fire isn't helping me - and I think we have rather similar views here
Merin Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 Dazed... PLEASE tell this Girl don't leave her in limbo that isn't fair and it isn't right and besides the point Karma will kick yo ass later on if you do it that way.
dgiirl Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 I agree completely with RR here. You're saving yourself pain because you dont have the strength/courage to ask for what you want? Sometimes you need to do some really crappy stuff, but atleast you'll know you handled it with class. You dont need to sit there hours on end watching her beg you not to leave. Just simply tell her "I know I've mentioned this before, but honestly I'm not feeling comfortable in this relationship anymore. It would be really unfair to you if I led you on any further. I'm really sorry for hurting you, but I think this is the best for both of us." She'll cry, she'll beg, but keep your respect and dont let her degrade herself any further. Just cut the conversation short if it's not being productive and leave.
greenhorn Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 May God give strength to the girl for bearing this hurt and pain. Amen !
dgiirl Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 also, you better break up with her now and not AFTER your birthday. That'll make her feel like you used her for a bday present.
Author dazed343 Posted June 3, 2005 Author Posted June 3, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn May God give strength to the girl for bearing this hurt and pain. Amen ! I feel so much better now.
westernxer Posted June 4, 2005 Posted June 4, 2005 Just call and say, "It's over, bitch." Ghetto style, yup-yup. (Still feeling better?)
sarah12 Posted June 4, 2005 Posted June 4, 2005 I agree with saying something along the lines of what westernxer suggested. This girl needs some sense knocked into her so she won't keep using her kids for bait to keep a man around, or use you while she still harbours feelings for the ex. I would normally suggest the in person break up but I think you have already been way too nice to this woman, and you're right that I don't think you'd be able to go through with it in person anyways as you've already tried this several times and she's made a plea bargain with you out of it. Do it on the phone and make it clear that you are going NC after this. Be firm with her, and stick to your guns. She'll be hurt, but she'll get over it.
scarlyjones Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 I think you you can say all you want about how this is because "You dont want to break down and give in" if she crys or whatever. But we all know what the real number one reason is. You dont have the balls to do it face to face. And thats so normal. Its not fun. It hurts you, and her. But sometimes these things must be done. Walk away from this thinking, "Yeah,....I did it like a man" dont walk away leaving people to say "That SOB didnt even have the courage to tell her to her face" Plus,...the way you handle THESE types of situations, really is how you will handle other delicate things in your future. Start a good habit now. Good Luck............you'll do the right thing
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