smudge21 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 I'll try and keep it brief: met girl at work, we got along okay but it was clear that neither of us wanted anything to happen, so we just chatted and became work friends. At the end of the day, we'd go our separate ways and that would be that. Then fate dealt a hand and one night, during a work do, we ended up just the two of us and it turned out to be a great night. We chatted like old friends, opened up to each other, went for dinner and eventually got closer. Come the following morning I definitely was hooked and it's easy to say the wall that I'd had up to avoid getting involved had come down, but sadly her's hadn't. Over the next few weeks we met up again and we did get a bit close but not in the same way. Eventually she left to go work in another location and it hurt me a lot more than I thought it would as up until then, I didn't think I had that strong feelings for her. Since moving away she's been in contact a lot more and we've become very good friends. I've made it clear I do have feelings for her (I hate playing games) and I have thought I would be fine with the situation. Sadly it's not the case as I do find myself wishing it was more. We met up over Xmas and got a bit close again, but as before, as quickly as she opens up, she closes up too. Case in point, one night she's holding me close and kissing me, the next, pulling away when I simply try to hold her hand. We both come from bad relationship backgrounds and as much as I've let her in, I still have concerns. I think it's the same for her but she's letting her fears dictate what she does. There is currently a fair distance between us, but nothing I'm not prepared to travel, but not whilst I don't know where she stands. I have tried to bring this up a few times, but it seems that emotional wall she has also stops her talking about her own feelings (but she'll open up about anything and everything else). We seem to connect so well and being brutally honest, I'd be happy if we were just friends, but sadly I can't do that in my current emotional state. Part of me wants to walk away or give her that ultimatum, but even though she may feel just as strong, I reckon that wall would still stop her acting upon it, and she'd say goodbye. My other option is to stay in touch, see how things pan out. We only see each other once a month and between those times I'm generally fine. Truth be told, it's really her who makes more of the effort when I'm not in close contact. I'm just unsure and could do with a few honest options and suggestions. Thanks in advance.
Toodaloo Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 She is very on and off. I should walk away for the time being as I can only see you getting hurt. Keep it friendly and just say sorry but your not for me. Then back off contact. I think she will try to contact you but it will be for an ego boost not because she wants you. Sorry dude. Better luck next time. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 You two aren't on the same page, sorry. You tried. She wasn't into it. There's not anything else you can do. 1
PogoStick Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 You lay it out clear to her: I want to date you. Do you want to date me? Not hot and cold, either you want to or you don't. If she agrees then go for it. If she hesitates, walk away and stop contacting her. Then chase women who are worth your time. 1
pteromom Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 It isn't necessarily that she feels it too but is afraid. You've assigned this narrative to her situation that might just not be true. It could be that she is lonely and she knows you are open if she wants to kiss and be held, but she has no desire or intention to actually commit to you. You have to deal with reality though, and not speculate as to why. She is either unwilling, incapable, or uninterested in taking your relationship to the next level. So you have no option but to move on. If your friendship hurts too much, you might need to take a break from it.
Author smudge21 Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 Thanks for the replies, all of you. Part of me knew it would be along the lines of walk away... but sometimes we need to hear it from others. I am torn between just letting it fade - the distance between us makes that easier; or tell her outright that I have to go. Either way, it's not the outcome I wanted but it is the one I need. Thanks once again.
shac Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Man, why don't you just be a man and ask her directly if she wants to date you and be in a relationship with you because you like her? That you want to try to be serious with her or it's better that you just move on. Let's be realistic man, she moved away. Maybe she isn't sure you like her that much too and the distance makes it easier to just erase someone. But still if I were a guy that likes a girl. I'd comfront her and tell her my feeling and chase her. See what does she wants too? People act cold because of distance and don't want to get hurt, because the reality is that they will be apart, so that take it as some fling. Don't ask strangers about her feelings, ask her directly. You have nothing to loose. Besides women like confident man who try to work us out when situation is a bit impossible because of someobody moving couple of miles away.
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