Im in love with my best friend who loves me too but wants to pursue her abusive ex

[MattJay]

Hi there Everyone

 

Some time ago (around 2 years ago) i started to become very close with a friend of mine who was going through some terrible situations with her ex. To give you some background understanding he is very possessive, controlling, insecure, has cheated on her three times and has tendencies to act violently to emotional scenarios.

 

When they broke up in October 2014 i was there to help her, pick her up and be the shoulder to cry on. As a result of this we grew very close over the course of 2015. I fell madly in love with her and began to invest a lot of my time and efforts into pursing a relationship with her.

 

We have gone on holiday several times last year, we would spend almost every weekend together and generally just wanted to be in each others company. In February last year we ended up kissing each other while sleeping in the same bed. This kiss eventually progressed into much more to the point where we were sleeping together regularly.

 

We had a talk where by she told me that she really likes me that way and that she loves me (maybe not the same way as me but still loves me) however she just cant seem to see us together and doesn't want to lose the friendship we have built up. She told me that i have set a standard for anyone else whom she might date one day and that its a very high one. She said that i have shown her how a relationship should be and she appreciates everything i have done for her over the past year and a half.

 

I was being a boyfriend to her and she wasn't being a girlfriend to me.

 

I then told her that in order for us both to grow and develop into which ever direction that might be, we cant still hook up as i feel its like a glue holding us to one point that eventually will end up hurting us greatly when someone else comes along for both of us. So we stopped in November last year.

 

Then in November her ex started contacting her again and wanting to get back together with her. He had sent me a very rude horrible message telling me all kinds of things and his intentions (she knows about the message) and yet they still ended up hanging out with the same friendship circle through November and December.

 

Then in December after Christmas they ended up kissing and he posted it on Instagram for everyone to see. All of her friends were shocked because they too know of the abusive nature of the previous relationship they had and her parents were disgusted because of the same reasons. He told her that he will make her life hell and ruin everything if she doesn't get back with him, so he posted the picture.

 

It has pushed me so far away from her because it was a major shock to me. Me and her had a heated discussion about it and she told me she is single and she can do anything she wants (which is true im not disputing that) and that we made it clear to each other that we would just be friends.

 

She had sent him a very long horrible message describing how badly this has ruined everything for her and she told me that she had cried herself to sleep when he did it. She said the first thing she thought about was me. Obviously when i found out about it all (she told me) it hurt like hell and i just wanted to break down. I think she always had the idea of going back to him some time and thats what infuriates me the most because of all the **** he did to her through their previous relationship.

 

At new years we went out, just me and her. At the end of the night she kissed me. I considered it to be a "new years kiss" she then told me it was her decision to do it and then she apologized because she knows it isn't fair as she has decided that she doesn't want to be with me romantically. However she wanted me to be her first kiss of 2016.

 

Now i dont know what to do, if i stick around and continue being her best friend it will hurt more and more seeing her with other people.And i will continue hoping for something to happen, for her to open her eyes. Or do i do what all my friends are advising me to do and thats take a break from her for a little while to figure out what i want and then deal with whatever it is (bear in mind that we see each other all the time and have the same friendship circles so it will hard as hell to stay away from her)

 

I would appreciate any advice, thanks very much.

[Redfisher]

Sorry dude, you need to walk away. She does not want you for more then a friend and a shoulder to cry on. You will never be happy and only heart break will follow as it has all ready.