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Posted

So, I will have been married for 25 years this April. My wife decided 2 years ago she no longer wanted to be married and moved out. I suspected it was another guy but she said it was that she felt unneeded and unwanted in the home. She said she left like the only thing we wanted her for was a paycheck.

 

The we is myself and 3 boys (16, 18 and 20) The 2 youngest lived at home still. I was not working while I finished college. I admit that I was not as attentive as I should have been and I am sure we took her for granted. When she decided to move out it was a shock, I had no clue anything was wrong.

 

Fast forward 2 years, she filed for Divorce in June '15 and served me in September. We were about 1 week from the final court date and she sends me a text saying she wants to talk when she gets back into town (She travels for her job).

 

She says she does not want to get a divorce, she wants to come home. She has been living with the guy i suspected for about a year or so, she said she realized this when I started giving her some of her stuff back (Pictures, knickknacks, etc.) She said she had wanted to tell me a few times during the separation but was afraid it was too late.

 

We have had issues (cheating, her) during the 25 years that were never dealt with, just pushed aside. I told her, I was unsure if I wanted to get back together but I would wait until we went though counseling before I made a final decision.

 

My main issue is why now, why after 2 years and should I even bother? My fear is getting hurt again a few years down the road.

Posted

Go through with the divorce man. All of a sudden two years later she has an epiphany??! Nope, guy probably broke up with her or cheated on her. The fun times are over and she wants to get back to her comfort zone. There is really nothing to counsel. She cheated. She left. And now she wants to come back. Ask yourself what you're physically, mentally, and emotionally willing to put up with. That should give you all the answers you need.

Posted

If this were not a marriage with 3 kids, I'd tell you to say "Thanks but no thanks" but I am hesitant to do that with the marriage in play. If you want to work through this, people do, but I would stay separated and go through counseling before you consider anything. I do agree with the PP that she likely was dumped or the relationship fizzled out and she wants to come back to what she knows is comfortable.

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Posted

Yeah, the plan atm is to wait for counselling and see how I feel, I was or thought I was truly over her and ready to move on when the final stamp was issued.

Posted

Was this the first time she cheated on you? Two years and now she wants to comeback?Does she want to comeback because she really missed you or has playtime ended and she needs her safety zone?And the fact she lied to you about the guy should bother you.

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Posted

No, she has cheated on me a few times throughout the 25 years, we split a few times for a few months to a year. the last time before this was 10 years ago.

 

This last one, she says nothing happened til about 8 months after we separated.

 

I believe she wants to change, she wants to go to individual counselling as well as Marriage counselling but I just don't know if it is too late now.

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