Bobbi7 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 So, I went on a date with this guy from OLD, met up for drinks, then played golf, I guess things went well, then he proceeded to tell me to go over to his place and watch a movie. I asked if he was a netflix and chill guy-he said he wasn't. I told him that I couldn't, then as we were heading out, he told me to let him know when I want to hang out with him. I'm like ok...NEXT. Since, when am I in charge of arranging dates with a guy? If anything he should have already planned something out next weekend, but didn't.
d0nnivain Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 I think you are being hard on him. He was expressing interest in seeing you again. If you liked him too all you had to say was I have time next Wednesday or whenever you were free. 2
bu2002 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Are you interested in seeing him again? You seem luke warm altogether.
katiegrl Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 So, I went on a date with this guy from OLD, met up for drinks, then played golf, I guess things went well, then he proceeded to tell me to go over to his place and watch a movie. I asked if he was a netflix and chill guy-he said he wasn't. I told him that I couldn't, then as we were heading out, he told me to let him know when I want to hang out with him. I'm like ok...NEXT. Since, when am I in charge of arranging dates with a guy? If anything he should have already planned something out next weekend, but didn't. Wait ...he "told" you to go to his place and watch a movie. On the first date? Then....when you said no (which IMO I am glad you did!) ...instead of asking you out again, he again "tells" you to let him know when you want to "hang out" again? Ugh....next is right! Bobbi ...I am proud of you girl! You are learning to weed these bozos (who clearly only want sex) out early ....good job! 9
Qboro90 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Never understood why women expect guys to hand hold you through the first few dates and handle every detail of it. All you had to say was "yea I'm free next fri or Saturday night, text/call me during the week with what works best". I also think that it's a good opportunity for you to dictate what you'd like to do on a date as well. Too often the guy is left figuring out what to do/where to go, etc. Dinner? Movie? Drinks? You said you went golfing, which I think is awesome btw. So if there's something you want to do then speak up and say so. "There's this show in the city I've been wanting to see, if you wanna do that Saturday it could be fun". While I think it's the guys responsibility to initiate and give you options the first couple times... I also think it's nice and refreshing to have the girl come up with an idea or plan. Especially if you like him. If you don't care either way then what's the point of seeing him again anyways? 3
Jammer25 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 So you want the guy to be the only one putting effort into cultivating a potential relationship? That he's the only one who needs to make an impression? And more plainly, it sounds like he was indirectly asking about your schedule more than anything. Next is right...but for you if I was the guy.
thecrucible Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 I don't think she thinks the guy should be putting in all the effort. I think she just has instincts about him. Well firstly I'd be alarmed by a guy asking me back to watch his movie on the first date. Yes that would put me off. I am not naive and I know what that means. By all means, OP can suggest something for their next date but the guy may bail by date three if indeed he is mainly interested in something casual. Oh and I get put off by a man saying "Let me know when you want to hang out", not because I think he should make the effort. Far from it. I'm perfectly willing to step up to the plate. However whenever a man has said that sort of thing to me it can be sound like he is really non-committal. However I wouldn't dismiss a guy just for that. I also believe that a guy could use that phrase because he doubts your interest or is uncertain so it's his way of saying "the ball is in your court" so he can protect himself from wasting time on someone who isn't interested in him. If that's the case then it'd be my turn to show a guy that I genuinely am interested in seeing him. Actually I think men are more perceptive than we often give them credit for. Some guys have been able to discern my lack of interest before I am even aware of it and haven't pursued so much because they didn't know where they stand. What do you think of this guy, OP? Do you like him? 4
thecrucible Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 And more plainly, it sounds like he was indirectly asking about your schedule more than anything. I never even thought of that due to my overthinking the question. This could well be the answer the OP is looking for!
TheFinalWord Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 So, I went on a date with this guy from OLD, met up for drinks, then played golf, I guess things went well, then he proceeded to tell me to go over to his place and watch a movie. I asked if he was a netflix and chill guy-he said he wasn't. I told him that I couldn't, then as we were heading out, he told me to let him know when I want to hang out with him. I'm like ok...NEXT. Since, when am I in charge of arranging dates with a guy? If anything he should have already planned something out next weekend, but didn't. I think you could have thrown a few ideas out there. Some of you ladies need to cut guys a bit of break once and a while. lol You may have put out a vibe you weren't interested so he is saying that to gauge your interest. Doesn't mean he won't plan it and find details out, etc. A lot of times guys are anxious because we are hoping the girl is enjoying the activity we plan. By throwing out some suggestions it can help take some of the pressure off. But I think he was wrong for wanting you to come to his house and watch a movie bc it comes across as him saying he wants to sleep with you on the first date. You're justified in nexting him for that, but just asking you for your schedule, date ideas, or trying to gauge your interest, no. 3
smackie9 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Sounds to me he has lost real interest because you didn't want to sleep with him, so no point in making any effort. I doubt he is interested in dating you. 3
NoLeafClover Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Wait ...he "told" you to go to his place and watch a movie. On the first date? Then....when you said no (which IMO I am glad you did!) ...instead of asking you out again, he again "tells" you to let him know when you want to "hang out" again? Ugh....next is right! Bobbi ...I am proud of you girl! You are learning to weed these bozos (who clearly only want sex) out early ....good job! It sounds like she said no only cuz he didn't have netflix lol
bathtub-row Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 This guy would be history in my book. Not only for his cavalier attitude about seeing you again or not, he's an idiot to invite a girl to his place when she doesn't know him at all. He's clueless and insensitive. As you said: Next!
bathtub-row Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 So you want the guy to be the only one putting effort into cultivating a potential relationship? That he's the only one who needs to make an impression? And more plainly, it sounds like he was indirectly asking about your schedule more than anything. Next is right...but for you if I was the guy. Indirectly is the equivalent to being too gutless to ask her out. Sorry, this guy handled things very badly in several ways. However, I also think he was simply looking for sex and, when it wasn't going to happen, he was no longer interested. Seriously, my 25 yr old understands how to take control of a date, how to make a girl feel special, and how to act like a gentleman. I am honestly disheartened at the number of men out there who just don't understand what it means to act like a man in these situations. 3
Jammer25 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Indirectly is the equivalent to being too gutless to ask her out. Sorry, this guy handled things very badly in several ways. However, I also think he was simply looking for sex and, when it wasn't going to happen, he was no longer interested. Not saying the guy in the OP's situation was anything but a weirdo. Pretty obvious, but nice anecdote anyway. The OP's mentality, from the tone of her posts and this situation, is unsavory as well. 2
robaday Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 If a dates going well, or I feel there's chemistry I would invite a woman back to my place first time if we had been out for the bulk of it. If I slept with her it also wouldn't put me off seeing her again. It's fair enough if you don't want to sleep with someone on the first date. But plenty of people do, and it's not out of the ordinary to sleep together first time. I dont think its that sleazy or creepy he asked you back if you'd been out and about on a date and it had gone well. 2
Buddhist Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 (edited) he told me to let him know when I want to hang out with him. I'm like ok...NEXT. Since, when am I in charge of arranging dates with a guy? If anything he should have already planned something out next weekend, but didn't. Since when are you not responsible for your own life, outcomes and something as simple as date planning? :roll eyes: I don't know about that guy but I really disliked the OP's attitude overall. Edited January 4, 2016 by Buddhist 5
Gaeta Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Good girl !! Inviting a lady to his house on a first date is inappropriate and code for first date sex. After you declined he was no longer interested in making efforts!! Hang in there Bobbi you will meet a good one soon !! 1
katiegrl Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 (edited) Good girl !! Inviting a lady to his house on a first date is inappropriate and code for first date sex. After you declined he was no longer interested in making efforts!! Hang in there Bobbi you will meet a good one soon !! Bobbi ....this^^. Just this 100%. You did good this time hun.....please know this!!!! Try not to become bitter and angry though (inside) ....that's not cool either. There *are* good guys out there .....continue respecting yourself and you will find him! Edited January 4, 2016 by katiegrl
PogoStick Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Ok, so you Nexted him. Problem solved. On to the next thread.
Redhead14 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 So, I went on a date with this guy from OLD, met up for drinks, then played golf, I guess things went well, then he proceeded to tell me to go over to his place and watch a movie. I asked if he was a netflix and chill guy-he said he wasn't. I told him that I couldn't, then as we were heading out, he told me to let him know when I want to hang out with him. I'm like ok...NEXT. Since, when am I in charge of arranging dates with a guy? If anything he should have already planned something out next weekend, but didn't. I would have said, "I enjoyed today. Give me a call and in the meantime, I'll look at my schedule . . . If anything he should have already planned something out next weekend -- Maybe he did already have plans for next weekend for something else. . . you just met him. Why would he plan so far out with you? Turn the tables, that's all and sit back and observe.
xcupid Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 At best he's lazy. At worst he was just looking for sex. You handled this one like a champ. If he was into you he would be planning another date. 1
phineas Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Ok, so you Nexted him. Problem solved. On to the next thread. The thing that amazes me is she is more annoyed he didn't have a plan for a 2nd date than he wanted her to come over for a movie on the first. 2
Lois_Griffin Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 So you want the guy to be the only one putting effort into cultivating a potential relationship? That he's the only one who needs to make an impression? And more plainly, it sounds like he was indirectly asking about your schedule more than anything. Next is right...but for you if I was the guy. Perhaps you didn't READ the part in her first post where he tried to get her to come over to his place to 'watch a movie' at the end of their FIRST date? And when she turned him down (as any self-respecting young woman SHOULD), he made an non-committal statement to 'contact me if you want to hang out.' This dumbass is about as transparent as it GETS. And she's the one he should be dumping? LMAO. Alrighty, then. 3
MissBee Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) Sounds to me he has lost real interest because you didn't want to sleep with him, so no point in making any effort. I doubt he is interested in dating you. That's exactly how I read it. If he hadn't invited her to his house for "Netflix and chill" but after the initial normal part of the date had said let her know when he wants to hang out, sure, I would say he was asking about her schedule (albeit in a passive way). HOWEVER, to say that after she declines his offer to come back to his place says loud and clear that he's now being like whatever, passive aggressive and will not ask her on a proper date again but if she wants to "hang out" (i.e. come back to his place and chill) he's open to it. OP, I think you did the right thing. Date people who treat you how you want to be treated. If this approach is fine for some, they can date him. If it isn't for you, don't date him. All the boyfriends I've had, they asked frankly to see me again on a DATE not just to "hang out." None ever asked me to come to their house on a first date. However, I've definitely had dudes like this one you're dealing with who do the BARE MINIMUM of drinks then quickly try to get you back to their house then when you say no they go lukewarm and are like "well hit me up if you wanna hang..." NEXT them! It's also ridiculous to think it's about wanting him to do all the work, asking someone out on a second date is "work"? I wouldn't want to date someone who thought like this. All my boyfriends were happy to ask me out a second time, after the second time then it became more flexible in terms of who will ask who and none of it was ever as lukewarm as "lemme know when you want to hang out." And none of it came after me declining to come to their house on date one. Edited January 5, 2016 by MissBee 1
Brapting Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) Gosh. This one really isn't that difficult... Funnily enough, we guys like things pretty clear-cut and unambiguous...it ain't just you ladies. We don't want to get into the habit of stalking or pestering a lady...and we don't want to waste our time and emotions on someone who isn't interested. So, in the male brain... I told him that I couldn't, then as we were heading out ...translates to "I am not interested in you, please leave me alone and do not contact me again". If the guy likes the woman, he will leave things open, just in case his male brain is misreading things. There is a textbook reply to put the ball back in the woman's court. The reasoning being that if we have got things wrong (and the woman really is interested)...she can chase things up with him...the response goes like this: let him know when I want to hang out with him. To answer this: Since, when am I in charge of arranging dates with a guy? If anything he should have already planned something out next weekend, but didn't. ...the guy clearly wants to spend time with you, but your response indicated that you were not interested. He is telling you that he would like to spend time with you in future...and you should tell him when/if you would like to! Edited January 5, 2016 by Brapting
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