UltimatePanacea Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 (edited) So...couple of days ago I have received a text message on a Viber app from my ex that I haven't talked to in a year. He is now engaged and seems happy though he wanted to see me over a cup of coffee to "catch up". Of course I ignored him because I don't want to deal with taken men and the pain with it. Then there was this other guy I dated for 6 months who started ghosting on me for no apparent reason, so I moved on and started dating again, so 2 years later (!) he texts me and acts like nothing ever happened...left me confused and a little angry. Another ex of mine texted me back 7 months later, but this one was apologizing for being such a bad boyfriend to me...the point is why do men come back? Why do they keep your number for months and years? Is it just a booty call? Is it actually because they want to start over? Is it because they miss you? Or maybe just an ego stroke? Has anyone dealt with this before and how did you respond if it was a guy you actually had feelings for and never truly wanted to break up? Edited January 4, 2016 by UltimatePanacea
anonymousbear00101100 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Well as the man who has gone back and been asked for back on three separate occasions, all with the same girl, I would say anyone who goes back is dealing with insecurities or loneliness. They have all probably just gotten out of another relationship or never found one, and remembering a past love makes them feel validated. They might reach out to feed their egos and see if you're still waiting around for them. They might also do it because they're lonely and need someone to distract them. I would say rarely do exes reach out because they really truly still love you and want to be together. 3
BettyDraper Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 My husband came back to me when we were dating because he realized that he couldn't live without me. I made him prove that he was serious in order to protect myself. 1
basil67 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Why do they keep your number for months and years? Is it just a booty call? Is it actually because they want to start over? Is it because they miss you? Or maybe just an ego stroke? What if they just wanted to have a chat and see how you're doing? Getting back in contact doesn't necessarily mean that they have any feels
Author UltimatePanacea Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 What if they just wanted to have a chat and see how you're doing? Getting back in contact doesn't necessarily mean that they have any feels Well they didn't just want to chat they wanted to see me again, which I refused because once it didn't work out chances are it won't work out the second time around...but it's interesting how they all come back...women, on the other hand may be too proud to ask their ex to take them back or would be scared to text after months or years...but men seem to not wanting to burn bridges all together
NoLeafClover Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 How do I give you the real reason without sounding sexiest
deepinthewoods Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Yea, I generally get along with my exes, and will keep in some kind of friendly contact over the years. Doesn't mean that I want to get back with them. Sometimes it's because I care for them and want to connect, other times, it's just as a friend doing normal friend things. Maybe during times of loneliness and just reaching out for contact I guess. I have gotten back with exes before, and it never went that well, but after the fact, we still keep in touch. Why not? If you loved someone once, do you have to hate them and kick them out of your life forever? Why do that to someone you once loved?
Wewon Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 (1) So...couple of days ago I have received a text message on a Viber app from my ex that I haven't talked to in a year. He is now engaged and seems happy though he wanted to see me over a cup of coffee to "catch up". (2) Then there was this other guy I dated for 6 months who started ghosting on me for no apparent reason, so I moved on and started dating again, so 2 years later (!) he texts me and acts like nothing ever happened...left me confused and a little angry. (3) Another ex of mine texted me back 7 months later, but this one was apologizing for being such a bad boyfriend to me... I think that you can see all of their reasons pretty plainly. The first probably wanted to chat and maybe some odd type of closure. The second was likely a booty call and the 3rd probably had genuine remorse for being an a** hat.
Author UltimatePanacea Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 Well from my own experience ( and also from the experience of couple of friends) men usually come back after dating someone else and seeing that there's really no one better out there or just genuinely missing their girl that is why they keep the number for so many months or years. Has anyone (guys) broken up with someone then regret it later on and tried to get her back? What was her reaction?
erklat Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I did that twice because of the loneliness. I had rough patches in my life and then I'd remember my exes who I shared some more pleasurable memories with and reach out. First time after 27 and other after 18 months. First one was angry but entertained me a bit, if I wasn't a jerk maybe we could see each other. That was now over 3 years ago. The second one shot me down immediately.
D.r.e Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I've done it for validation. At the time I claimed I was lonely, but really that's just a feeling that I had because I was lacking validation that what I was doing and who I was wasn't enough. I've contacted ones that I really wanted to get back with, and ones that I was just looking for a quick fix company. There have been many reasons for it, but mostly it's to feel significant again.
marky00 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Well they didn't just want to chat they wanted to see me again, which I refused because once it didn't work out chances are it won't work out the second time around...but it's interesting how they all come back...women, on the other hand may be too proud to ask their ex to take them back or would be scared to text after months or years...but men seem to not wanting to burn bridges all together This is it in a nutshell. Guys may go back for ego reasons, like where the dumpee moved on and appeared to be happy without them. Also remember a girl who chases is very unattractive to a guy. This is why as you say female dumpers would very rarely go back to a past relationship unless the male dumpee reached out in some way. Also remember men by genetics can kinda of hold on to emotionally more than 1 woman. However women focus on 1 man only. Again another reason why a man may be in a new relationship but still think about his ex. 1
Amelie1980 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Well as the man who has gone back and been asked for back on three separate occasions, all with the same girl, I would say anyone who goes back is dealing with insecurities or loneliness. They have all probably just gotten out of another relationship or never found one, and remembering a past love makes them feel validated. They might reach out to feed their egos and see if you're still waiting around for them. They might also do it because they're lonely and need someone to distract them. I would say rarely do exes reach out because they really truly still love you and want to be together. I would have to say this too. I think there is a certain type of guy (the one who does casual, sleeps around, FWB, over lapping relationships) who just cant be on his own. One of my exes, even when he is single, he isnt. He sleeps around between relationships. He specifically said, I dont like being single. I think guys like that, when they have a dry spell, or have a relationship end, they rush out and look someone, anyone, to make them feel better and give them an ego boost and sex. It is actually quite hard to form a connection quickly with a stranger to be able to get said ego stroke and sex. Most women are looking for more and some kind of dating. For these guys, the easiest way to get an ego stroke and sex is to hit up and ex. They have been intimate with you already, you already have some kind of connection as you've been involved before and it's easier to get an ego stroke from someone you know, who will be nice to you and is familiar sexually. Way less effort involved in looking for a stranger. 1
carhill Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 OP, respecting that men are pragmatic, most realize it's easier to work an interaction where they knew what worked in the past. Also, men (and women too I've noticed) generally follow the rule that time and distance can heal some wounds. Heck, I even see this in business where someone has screwed me over. They'll walk through the door in a year like nothing had happened. Yeah, on planet sociopath, maybe... 2
Silver_star Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I think SOME men (and women) just really can't let go of the idea of their ex especially if they haven't found anything better. They worry they may never find that feeling again and idealize the former relationship. I had an ex from 5 years ago text me over the holidays he was in town and wanted to catch up. I don't have any feelings for him, haven't in years, so I met up with him for a drink to see how he has been doing in life. He says he hasn't met anyone else like me, and no love has compared to the love we had once shared and the connection we had sexually has not been met again. I have since had that connection and love again with my most recent ex so I told him he would find someone soon if he was open to it. Not to give up on finding it with someone else. I learned that it is possible to have that feeling more than once so for me I don't idealize our former relationship. 1
Deonce Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 For the same reason that women "always" come back. Just know that, they're usually not looking to get back together with you. You're better off by just deleting the message and moving on with your life.
lillian39530 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I'm wondering, for how long have you been dating when he broke up and after how much time did he came back?
Recommended Posts