milotheblue Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 (edited) I've been dating a woman for 7 months and tonight we broke up. We started out great, ended up living together. She has an older daughter, whom is 12 and I have two little girls who are 2 and 5 years old. I get them every weekend. For the most part, it seemed like we were all coming together just fine. Except for one thing, we went from arguing on a rare occasion to now we can't even go one day without having a problem. I'm more laid back, and she's very high stressed. So it's made it difficult and I feel like I'm starting to see sides to her I thought I would know by now. Recently my 5 year old upset her with a comment. She asked when my girlfriend leaves, are we going to play any games on the TV. She said it because my daughter knows that I don't like to use the TV much when she is home, just for the fact that we mostly use it for us all as family when we're all home. She took it like my daughter didn't want her around and she had a fit about it. It bothered me, because we are grown adults and she is taking something like this so personal. It happened a couple more times, and I finally just told my daughter not to mention anything with the TV and games. Yesterday my daughter was using the TV and I told her had a half hour till she had to get off. My girlfriend got home and a half hour had passed, I told my daughter to get off the TV. I took the controller and turned to the girlfriend and told her it was all hers. My daughter said something along the lines of why does she get it? Yeah, she probably shouldn't have said that, but she didn't mean anything behind it. She was upset because she didn't want to give up the TV. She doesn't give this kind of attitude often, but it does happen. She is 5. My girlfriend took this one to heart and decided my daughter doesn't want her around, that she hates her and she meant something mean by all her comments in the past. Already having arguments about other issues (her getting upset so easily, us arguing in front of the kids, the lack of communication), it has become an issue that finally been what split us up. She cussed at my daughter, just to be sarcastic to me during our argument saying "yeah ****, yeah you f***** hurt my feelings". I talked to my daughter alone over and over, to the point I was being mean. I felt bad, because my daughter loves my girlfriend. She always hugs her and tries to be around her. She doesn't even fully understand what she did wrong and even after I explained it, it's still hard for her to understand. My girlfriend and had a few arguments after that, and no matter what I tell her, she is convinced that I'm blind and I'm not seeing what my daughter is doing. I told her it's not fair, this is my kid and I will choose my kids first. If my daughter acts up, I will discipline her accordingly, but my daughter didn't mean anything by it. I told her it hurt that our relationship is failing and that we are supposed to be adults, even if she was hurt my something a 5 year old says, she shouldn't be acting like this. She needs to be mature, and this is not something to be weighed against our relationship. Finally I said I'm not going to have her pin me against my kid, and I don't trust her emotionally with her if she is going to keep going on this hurtful rant. She said that if I didn't trust her with my kid, then we are over. That was the end of the relationship. So I'm just trying to understand if I over reacted or if I'm out of my place. I will always put my kids first, but I also believe in being reasonable and not acting this way when we have two decades over our children. Am I wrong? Edited January 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redfisher Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Sounds like you moved her in too fast, Should wait for the honeymoon phase to be over, That way you have much less of a surprise when you see the real person...
eye of the storm Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 if you want a woman that gets into fights with a 5yo keep her. But for your child's sake let this relationship die. Your children deserve better. 4
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Dump the girlfriend and never talk to her again. There's something wrong with her, she YELLED and cussed at your young daughter, who is 5!! Your gf is a mother herself, yet seems to not 'get it' and is very immature and cruel. 1
Author milotheblue Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 Thanks!! You're all exactly right, she's not worth it. I just wanted to make sure I'm not delusional after her mind games. I will always choose my kids no matter what. But now I just feel like I'm dodging a bullet here, especially when she kept insisting on how we should have some kids of our together. She's unstable, and my little girls don't need that their life. So it's definitely good bye. 1
Jacob_Duluoz Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Yeah drop this one like no tomorrow. Who says something like that to a 5 year old? No matter how angry she is at you, the kid doesn't deserve it. 1
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Thanks!! You're all exactly right, she's not worth it. I just wanted to make sure I'm not delusional after her mind games. I will always choose my kids no matter what. But now I just feel like I'm dodging a bullet here, especially when she kept insisting on how we should have some kids of our together. She's unstable, and my little girls don't need that their life. So it's definitely good bye. 7 months is nothing and certainly you aren't obligated to her to stick this out! SO glad to read that you feel she's not worth it and that you're putting yourself and your kids first!!
almond Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 She's taking her crap out on a small child, to the point where she has verbally abused your daughter to get at you. She's unstable and cruel. Think about the conversations you've had to have with your daughter about this, when you should be enjoying your time with her, watching her enjoy her innocence, and helping her develop and grow. The kid must have been confused as hell...a five year old does not need to be dealing with the irrational, toxic mess of an adult woman. This needs to be finished. Do not underestimate the impact this could have on your daughter if you allow this woman back in. She verbally attacked your child - she needs to feel safe and protected by her father right now. You did the right thing 110%. This woman is bat-sh*t. You dodged a bullet. Don't doubt your decision for a second! 1
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