so gutted Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 I have been on 2 dates with a guy. He is physically attractive and has not been married before, no baggage. The first date, he paid. It was an average amount. Second date, we did 2 things. He mentioned dinner. When we got to the restaurant he ordered a snack, when I said I wanted a main dish (about $7 more then his snack) he said the portion is too big, so I ordered a snack (lower in value then his snack about $5). We then went to another place and had drinks (the value was double the meal), I offered to pay and he accepted straightaway!!I expected him to say no and pay himself. I went away feeling robbed. I think it was rude of him to let me pay the higher amount. Am I asking too much? 90% of my other dates have paid throughout... I just want the man to be a gent at the beginning.... Also, he seems genuine and sincere....which has again scared me off...i am so used to be treated badly that i cannot adapt to a normal average man... i am scared that i have spent so long in a single mindset that the thought of actually dating (and paying) is terrifying. i am beginning to think that something is seriously wrong with me. I feel under pressure that i should make this work.
Maggie4 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Let's see... he's physically attractive, genuine, sincere, AND normal. I would pay for all his meals and drinks 1
fitnessfan365 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 You're being your own worst enemy here OP. 1) You offered to pay as a test and it backfired. If you didn't want to pay, you shouldn't have offered. Also, the fact that you're doing an item by item breakdown and haggling over prices makes you sound a bit cheap IMO. 2) Your past baggage is making you suspicious of a guy that's actually been decent to you. None of your past has anything to do with him. 5
Author so gutted Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 thanks - but as a gent shouldnt he decline?
fitnessfan365 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 thanks - but as a gent shouldnt he decline? He paid for the first date. He also paid for the food on the second date. If anything you're offer to get drinks should've been genuine IMO. Also, dating isn't meant to be a barter system. So I'd suggest to stop keeping a running tab of every item on every date. Makes it sound like your search for a "gentleman" is really just frugal behavior in sheep's clothing..LOL 1
Gaeta Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 thanks - but as a gent shouldnt he decline? No. How old is he? Men don't know on what foot to dance anymore. If he insists on paying he may be offending you, and if he accepts your offer to pay he will also offend you. He took a chance and accepted your offer to pay because he concluded it was the best way to not offend you. When I don't want to pay, I don't offer the man to pay. When I want to pay than I tell him ahead the date is on me. I don't send mixed signals, do you?
xcupid Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Count yourself fortunate that that is the only thing you have to worry about when dating a guy.
Author so gutted Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 he is 38 years old. i interpreted this as bad manners....
Author so gutted Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 Count yourself fortunate that that is the only thing you have to worry about when dating a guy. this s out of line with other men i have dated, mostly quite wealthy who have taken me to better places and paid each time. i do not want to set an expectation that i will pay.
Gaeta Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 i interpreted this as bad manners.... haha..ok! I wish you luck getting back into dating, you will need it. 2
mattelipstick Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 In the future, don't offer to pay unless you are really okay with paying. This is your fault for playing games, not his. 3
Jammer25 Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 this s out of line with other men i have dated, mostly quite wealthy who have taken me to better places and paid each time. i do not want to set an expectation that i will pay. Yet you are projecting your own expectations onto him....
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