ExpendableYouth Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 (edited) Hey guys. My ex girlfriend of 2 years (lived together for 4) will be finally moving out next weekend. She found a place for her and her children, and has been moving all the little things out of our home. I am going to stay in the home for the time being, as I am just going to live on my own here. I have a question. I am very attached to her two children. The two kids have repeatedly come up to me and told me "Mommy says we will visit you a lot" and "I am scared to move, I want to stay here with you forever!!". Now, the kids have done nothing to me, I love them and they love me. She will be moved out January 7th, they both have birthdays in February. I hate to let kids down (they are not MY kids, but I have known them half of their lives)....but would breaking NC to maybe wish them a happy birthday or get them a birthday gift, hinder my healing from NC? I am the dumpee, and the last 5 months living together have been emotionally traumatizing for me. I did not make the decision to split up, all I have done was be supportive in her decision and am being civil. But inside, I am really hurt and have been since our breakup in August. Just wondering, with children involved....do you still go NC? I do not want to stop communication in hopes of "reconciling" (That isn't going to happen as she has a new boyfriend as of last month). I just want to heal, if you love something let it go. Nobody is "coming back".....do I just continue my NC starting the day she gets her last of the belongings out? I have settled all financial obligations with her, we have no reason to speak to one another (It hurts too bad to see her everyday, a constant reminder of what I don't have anymore) I plan to start strict NC the moment she gives me the keys back to the home. She is moving about 8 minutes from our current home, but I don't ever think I will "run into her". I do not want to feel this way anymore, I will respect one's decision to break off...and move on. Thank you, ExpendableYouth. Edited January 3, 2016 by ExpendableYouth
Author ExpendableYouth Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 (edited) Your in quite a little situation here. Best thing you should do is know your mental capabilities and where you are. Your stuck in hurting when you see her and contact her, and stuck in hurting from missing the kids bdays and not speaking to them. As a man i truly believe you should break nc for the kids that you love and care for. Shes moved on with her life, you should do the same but be a man about it. Do what you want to do for the kids if the mother allows it. You dont have to stay in connection with her. They are not my kids (they are from her ex-husband), but I have known them for 4 years (half of their lives, respectively). I like your reply, that does make sense. The kids are innocent, whether or not my ex has no feelings for me, I know and have been told I have made a great impact on their lives and am a good role model. Thanks usernameidk, I also know the mother may have just said that to them to "soften the blow" of moving. I have since deleted her phone number, email, and facebook, and have thrown away anything she has given me. I just got done deleting all the kids and her pictures, as hard as that was I don't need a digital reminder-- I have it all in my head. Edited January 3, 2016 by ExpendableYouth
Author ExpendableYouth Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 I know they arent your kids but i could sense that you do love and care for them. Children are always innocent in these situations but they are attached to you as you are to them. And even though things did not work out between you and there mom they shouldnt pay for it and neither should you. Stay in contact with them it really would do you more good than bad. You will hurt because the woman is still in the frame but the kids man they'll help soften the blow alot. I think you'll miss them more than her. Its just the effect of children. Boy I tell ya, I am 29 years old, first time in a situation like this. The little girl (she is 4) drew me a picture and told me "so you can remember i luf you!". Whew.....thats a tough one lol.
Author ExpendableYouth Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 You have already taken the correct steps to move on from her so keep it up. The only need to ever communicate with her is when the kids are involved. Other than that you should just move on. I respect what you have done and your doing the right thing. I wish i was capable of keeping this kind of composure after my relationship ended lol My friend, this has been 5 months since she broke it off. I did make it though my friends, it was a long 5 months...I did it. I didnt go crazy, well almost.....but the light is at the end of the tunnel 1
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