Author despgirl Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 Hey everyone, Just wanted to give you an update. I did end things with him. I sent him a short text saying that I couldn't do this anymore and I was going to move on. I then blocked him on all social media and my phone. Two weeks later I received an email from him, saying that he had some time to think about it and he really missed me and wanted to give us an honest try. He said he had been afraid of falling for me again because we've hurt each other in the past and it was difficult for him to recover from that. That not having me in his life and me removing myself from the situation made him realize that he was about to lose me forever and he does not want that. He asked for one more chance - for us to see each other and spend more time together. So I agreed. I know, I know, why bother? I just have a feeling he does care about me and wants to make it work. We've been seeing each other regularly since, and he has asked me to be his Valentine Thank you once again for the advices. In the meantime I am working intensely with my therapist on my anxiety and abandonment issues and at the same time trying to keep our relationship as light as possible.
Toodaloo Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 and the roller coaster starts all over again because he wants to get laid on valantines day rather than be on his own... We really do need that face palm smiley... You can lead a horse to water but can you make the thing just have a drink when its thirsty?
Author despgirl Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 and the roller coaster starts all over again because he wants to get laid on valantines day rather than be on his own... We really do need that face palm smiley... You can lead a horse to water but can you make the thing just have a drink when its thirsty? Hi there. Thanks for your comment, however I really don't think it's because he wants to get laid on Valentines Day. He is a very attractive and confident man and can get a date or get laid whenever he wants to, plus Valentines does not mean that much to him - it always meant a lot to me while we were together. So I am pretty sure that he is trying to make me happy by planning it for us. I truly think he has feelings for me and wants to give us a try. Whether it will Work or not will depend on many factors, I have anxiety and abandonment issues and that usually pushes him away, however I am aware of my issues and working on them.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Oh dear. OP, please be more careful with your heart. I wish you luck, but I don't see this ending well at all. You can't really "keep it light" after 7 years and so much drama. The best predictor of future behaviour is relevant past behaviour. And you saw where that brought you two. I know you're going to go ahead with your Valentine's Day plans. Just don't get your hopes up, girl. You deserve a happy, peaceful and fully committed relationship. 1
Httm Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 I learned when I was 16 that once you break up once, it is truly over. There is a reason we break up. Healthy relationships aren't on again, off again. 2
Httm Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Thanks again for the tough love. What is holding me back from blocking him right now? The truth is, I can't help but wonder that maybe if I gave him space and let him come around on his own time, without pushing for a relationship, that maybe he would come around. This little hope makes it difficult for me to cut him out now. I want to be 100% sure that this is hopeless. Thing is, last time we got back together after being apart for 6months, we also started as friends with benefits. At that time, I was the one who was hesitating and holding back due to my own fears. In the end, feelings developed and we fell back in love. The relationship lasted for 1,5 years, most of it good, the last few months went downhill and we broke up. But it is true, that if it hasn't worked out before, why should it now? I guess I am hoping that we have matured and changed. I don't know. I will block him, I just need a bit more time I guess. And no, I will not waste another year on him. I told him it was important to me to see him more, and if he does not follow through on his promise, I will end it. Please send strenght and courage my way guys. And some more tough - I need to hear all of this! What is holding you back is fear. Fear of being alone. Fear to start something new. Maybe very low self esteem as well.
Author despgirl Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Hi everyone, Just wanted to give an update. I have just ended things with my ex. You guys were right, but I needed to end it on my own time. After seeing each other (more or less casually) for 2 months, I have realised that indeed I was not in love with him, but with the idea of him. I now truly realized that he is not right for me and I am not right for him. He has seemed willing to give us a chance but lately I felt that he was lukewarm, and after reading numerous threads here on LS, I have decided to end it. No hard feelings towards him, and I am grateful he was willing to try one last time. He is not in love with me and he doesn't think he ever will be. I have been doubting my feelings towards him too lately and realized that we ARE over. So, we parted in a very amicable way and I am glad I tried because now I know that there is nothing I could have done differently and we are just not meant to be. The good thing is that I am very good at getting over people quickly and I am more relieved than sad now. I am looking forward to find someone who loves me and can fulfil my needs! Thanks everyone for your advices and I am sure I will be back with more dating stories/questions once I am ready to date again
elaine567 Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 I learned when I was 16 that once you break up once, it is truly over. There is a reason we break up. Healthy relationships aren't on again, off again. I agree, there is not usually enough of a "bond" to keep such relationships going, so they are on, then off, then on, then off... ad infinitum till someone gets bored or meets someone else 1
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