Husband's OW was school principal, found out via social media!

[DidsburyMQ6w]

I have a son in high school now, in year 7, enjoys life, doing well. Been married to my husband since I was 22, he's self-employed, travels for his job.

 

Our son won an award for best presentation during assembly last year, we were proud of him, he's a studious boy, loves his studies.

Anyway, this morning I was on Facebook checking out dealtime-type sites, offers etc., when I was surprised to see what my husband had changed his status to.

It had gone from "Married to (my name here)" to "In a relationship with (OW's name here)".

I recognized OW's name immediately, it was our son's school principal, there was a picture of my husband cuddling our son's school principal, her in a bikini, sitting on the bonnet of a Range Rover, him with a glass of champers on the driveway - yeuch, yuck ewww.

I immediately confronted him, first he said his account was hacked, then admitted to dating the OW since September 2014, said they'd met up for secret sex sessions at places like , fancy hotels, etc., he said he fell for her.

Telling OW's partner is not an option; she's 34, a single mom with 5 year old daughter, the daughter hasn't seen her dad since she was 18 months old.

I'm divorcing him, but worried about the effect of this on my son. I don't know what to do next, any advice?

Edited January 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Anonymity ~T

[road]

I have a son in high school now, in year 7, enjoys life, doing well. Been married to my husband since I was 22, he's self-employed, travels for his job.

 

Our son won an award for best presentation during assembly last year, we were proud of him, he's a studious boy, loves his studies.

Anyway, this morning I was on Facebook checking out dealtime-type sites, offers etc., when I was surprised to see what my husband had changed his status to.

It had gone from "Married to (my name here)" to "In a relationship with (OW's name here)".

I recognized OW's name immediately, it was our son's school principal, there was a picture of my husband cuddling our son's school principal, her in a bikini, sitting on the bonnet of a Range Rover, him with a glass of champers on the driveway - yeuch, yuck ewww.

I immediately confronted him, first he said his account was hacked, then admitted to dating the OW since September 2014, said they'd met up for secret sex sessions at places like , fancy hotels, etc., he said he fell for her.

Telling OW's partner is not an option; she's 34, a single mom with 5 year old daughter, the daughter hasn't seen her dad since she was 18 months old.

I'm divorcing him, but worried about the effect of this on my son. I don't know what to do next, any advice?

 

 

Divorce is not the only option.

 

 

However if you want divorce then see a lawyer.

[BetrayedH]

Since you ultimately expressed concern about your son, I'll focus there.

 

From my reading (which was considerable when I divorced about 4 years ago), children have a harder time recovering when the perception is that one parent is more at fault for a divorce than another.

 

I also caught my spouse in an affair. I have managed to avoid disparaging the children's mother in front of them. I would say that the effort has paid off remarkably well. My kids accepted the divorce quickly and adapted with very little drama. And it's continued that way for several years. I'm glad I chose the path I did.

 

That said, you'll find A LOT of disparate and passionate opinions about what the children should be told. Some HATE my approach because it isn't straightforward honesty and it doesn't teach the child important lessons about fidelity. Honestly, I recommend you disregard the opinions of random internet posters (myself included) and do your own research instead on how children best recover from divorce. Form a well-educated opinion and I suspect you'll be fine.

[Poutrew]

You can do something much, much better than telling the other woman's husband about the affair. Tell the school board she works for... Most school boards are governed by over-controlling, ultra conservative, church-lady types. They will then do to her what you only wish in your nightmares you could do to her...make sure everyone sees that bikini pic, too. I'm positive all those super horney high school aged boys would give their right testicle to know what the principle has on under her conservative looking dress...And yes, divorce that disgusting tampon of a husband. Once his killer-lady gets busted back down to a janitor and he becomes the sole breadwinner of their family, especially after the divorce payout to you, he will cry every night knowing he had a good life and he gave it all up so his pen*s could be a happy boy... Also, by doing this you are providing a good life-lesson to your son. He is going to have to deal with what's coming down the pike no matter what you do, but in doing this you are showing him that life choices have consequences and that those could either be good or bad...good luck.

[Mr Blunt]

I'm divorcing him, but worried about the effect of this on my son. I don't know what to do next, any advice?

 

Do not tell your son anything bad about his father or the divorce. If your son asks then tell him that his father knows the reason and the details and it is his responsibility to tell his father. The father cannot lie to your son and make you the bad person because you have the Facebook proof. Children will almost always have a strong connection to their parents no matter what.

 

 

Devote all the energy that you have left to build yourself back up and get closer to your son with tender love and tough love if that is needed. Millions of children have endured divorce and got through it even though there will be some pain. If your son knows that he is loved (reassure him every chance that you get) then there is a very good chance that he will suffer through the pain and then be alright.

[whichwayisup]

it had gone from "Married to (my name here)" to "In a relationship with (OW's name here)".

 

He must have wanted to get caught. How stupid is that to change his status update so everybody could see!

 

Your son (7th year, not sure what grade that is), how old is he? Early teens? The thing is, since your H is probably going straight into the arms of his OW aka your sons principle, he's gonna find out the truth. Better for you, your H and son go to family counseling and talk it out. Once you two split up, the truth will come out somehow, some gossipy parent or teacher will spill it, other kids will find out and gossip, therefore it's best to tell your son the reason why you two are divorcing. just reaffirm your love for him and make sure he understands that you two will still be there for him as co parents.

 

You might want to consider changing your sons school.

[oldshirt]

You can do something much, much better than telling the other woman's husband about the affair. Tell the school board she works for... Most school boards are governed by over-controlling, ultra conservative, church-lady types. They will then do to her what you only wish in your nightmares you could do to her...make sure everyone sees that bikini pic, too. I'm positive all those super horney high school aged boys would give their right testicle to know what the principle has on under her conservative looking dress...And yes, divorce that disgusting tampon of a husband. Once his killer-lady gets busted back down to a janitor and he becomes the sole breadwinner of their family, especially after the divorce payout to you, he will cry every night knowing he had a good life and he gave it all up so his pen*s could be a happy boy... Also, by doing this you are providing a good life-lesson to your son. He is going to have to deal with what's coming down the pike no matter what you do, but in doing this you are showing him that life choices have consequences and that those could either be good or bad...good luck.

 

My mother was a jr high school teacher for over 40 years and was very active in the state teacher's union at the local and state levels.

 

 

While it is a great revenge fantasy to the OW pay the price professionally, the truth is that it is mostly fantasy and wishful thinking. In most places the education unions and professional associations have all but eliminated morals clauses in teacher contracts and the community church-ladies have lost their teeth and claws in dealing with legal, consensual issues involving teachers and grown adults.

 

 

If she were screwing a minor child or a student, the school board would be able to take action.

 

 

But as this involves a consenting adult who is not a student and there are no laws being broken, it is unlikely the school board or the school system would really be able to take much action.

 

 

30 years ago many schools may have been able to do something to a teacher if that person was doing something distasteful but not outright illegal. In this day and age however, it is unlikely that most public school systems would be able to much of anything to a teacher who isn't breaking any laws or breaking any school district policies and few if any districts would be able to maintain a district policy against a school employee becoming involved with a students parent even though it may be frowned upon in certain circles.

[Poutrew]

My mother was a jr high school teacher for over 40 years and was very active in the state teacher's union at the local and state levels.

 

 

While it is a great revenge fantasy to the OW pay the price professionally, the truth is that it is mostly fantasy and wishful thinking. In most places the education unions and professional associations have all but eliminated morals clauses in teacher contracts and the community church-ladies have lost their teeth and claws in dealing with legal, consensual issues involving teachers and grown adults.

 

 

If she were screwing a minor child or a student, the school board would be able to take action.

 

 

But as this involves a consenting adult who is not a student and there are no laws being broken, it is unlikely the school board or the school system would really be able to take much action.

 

 

30 years ago many schools may have been able to do something to a teacher if that person was doing something distasteful but not outright illegal. In this day and age however, it is unlikely that most public school systems would be able to much of anything to a teacher who isn't breaking any laws or breaking any school district policies and few if any districts would be able to maintain a district policy against a school employee becoming involved with a students parent even though it may be frowned upon in certain circles.

 

 

 

True to an extent, but it also depends where you are. Where I am, while it is true that a teacher can't loose their job without going through a rather rigorous process, the same can't be said for administrators. Principals can and are re-assigned or let go all the time. There's no job protection. The only protection, if you want to call it that, that a terminated principal can rely on is if they were a teacher working for the district first. Then, you go back to being a teacher. If, however, you were hired for the principalship from outside the district, then you are fired. Finito Benito. You need to start job hunting elsewhere. No school board, if they are conservative, will appreciate a sexy, bikini clad husband stealer being anywhere near horney high school boys. The pressure will be on to either fire her or reassign her to a school as a teacher. When it happens, it'll be done quietly, and the only statement will be bland and something along the lines of: "Ms. Sexypanties offered her resignation due to personal reasons."

 

True, the days of tarring and feathering such people are long gone, but the conservative bible beltway still manages to get its voice heard. Plus, no parent really wants to see their teenage son walking around with a woody due to the pin-up picture of the principal he keeps on his bedroom wall...

[cocorico]

He must have wanted to get caught. How stupid is that to change his status update so everybody could see!

 

Your son (7th year, not sure what grade that is), how old is he? Early teens? The thing is, since your H is probably going straight into the arms of his OW aka your sons principle, he's gonna find out the truth. Better for you, your H and son go to family counseling and talk it out. Once you two split up, the truth will come out somehow, some gossipy parent or teacher will spill it, other kids will find out and gossip, therefore it's best to tell your son the reason why you two are divorcing. just reaffirm your love for him and make sure he understands that you two will still be there for him as co parents.

 

You might want to consider changing your sons school.

 

Year 7 is first year of High School in the UK, so typically he'd be 11 or 12. If he's doing well at school, moving him may upset him - especially if he is in a good school and was moved to a less good one. The OP's username suggests a school district with some good and some not so good schools (needing special measures) so disrupting his schooling if he's doing well where he is might not be a good idea.

 

More likely, with the A in the open, the headteacher may elect to move - or, if it's a religious school (CoE, RC, Muslim, etc) the governing board may force her hand on that. An acquaintance lost his job as headteacher of a CoE primary school for similar reasons, and is now a class teacher at a different (state) school.

 

OP, your son is going to hear stories on the grapevine. Some may contain some truth, but most will be wildly exaggerated fantasies concocted by other kids at the school. It's probably wise to have a chat with him and explain that you're splitting up, that you both love him, and decide together with your H how much you need to tell him about why you're splitting. Having some idea about t may help him to separate the myth from the reality at school.

[11012015]

I have a son in high school now, in year 7, enjoys life, doing well. Been married to my husband since I was 22, he's self-employed, travels for his job.

 

Our son won an award for best presentation during assembly last year, we were proud of him, he's a studious boy, loves his studies.

Anyway, this morning I was on Facebook checking out dealtime-type sites, offers etc., when I was surprised to see what my husband had changed his status to.

It had gone from "Married to (my name here)" to "In a relationship with (OW's name here)".

I recognized OW's name immediately, it was our son's school principal, there was a picture of my husband cuddling our son's school principal, her in a bikini, sitting on the bonnet of a Range Rover, him with a glass of champers on the driveway - yeuch, yuck ewww.

I immediately confronted him, first he said his account was hacked, then admitted to dating the OW since September 2014, said they'd met up for secret sex sessions at places like , fancy hotels, etc., he said he fell for her.

Telling OW's partner is not an option; she's 34, a single mom with 5 year old daughter, the daughter hasn't seen her dad since she was 18 months old.

I'm divorcing him, but worried about the effect of this on my son. I don't know what to do next, any advice?

 

Account was hacked. Nobody is that stupid. So, there is a chance it was your son who wanted to reveal the cheating. Kids are tech heavy these days.

[sandylee1]

If you are sure he had an affair with your H...knowing he was a married man.. then I would write to the head of the board of Governors and the local education authority.

 

However.. as your son is in year 7... it seems she wasn't his principle at the time of the affair.. do you know for sure that she knew your H was married... because I would hate to ruin her career if she had no knowledge.

 

As a school governor myself......... I can guarantee you that we would take it seriously.. but I'm in a faith school where morals and values are important. She could very likely loose her job in my school... because that behaviour is bringing the school into disrepute (if it was known by others) and again the values of our faith would certainly see her facing a disiplinary panel .... or it could.

 

Feel free to PM me if you can and I can advise you how to go about it and how to word your complaint if you go down that road.

 

Even if it's a non faith school... parents would very likely want her out if they knew....... a parent who had an affair with a fellow child's parent ended up leaving... so I've no doubt the head teacher doing this would not go down well.

 

Depending on if it's a faith school....Other authorities can get involved.

[Robert]

Seems this was a drive by, if the thread starter returns and would like it re-opened then alert on my post and request it, thanks all who gave the thread starter advice.